Of course PP hates the goddamn time change. Except in the morning. Now that she hasta swim at the crack of dawn, well, for her 8:30 is dawn, that extra hour is vital. But yet, this morn, when she thought she’d have more energy cuz of the extra hour, she didn’t. Blame the grey malaise clouds? (Although as Capt. Gwen B pointed out, that cloud cover is ‘awesome’ for us delicate skinned cancer victims.)
Speaking of which, does PP’s skin know about the time change? Should PP be going at the same time in the morning? A.k.a. 7:30 am. instead of 8:30? Damn. Maybe so. It’s all so stupid. It’s just time and clocks and sun and pools and cute girls.
The girls do help. PP waits patiently at the desk check-in as slim pale never in the sun cute girl studies some diagrams of gross organs. Livers? Lungs? Intestines? Disgusting, especially at the crack of dawn.
“Are you taking Anatomy?” PP asks politely, trying not to stare at cute girl's own anatomy. Well, not trying too hard as CG yawns and stretches her slim arms up over her head, revealing her slim pale belly.
“Yeah” Cute Girl murmurs in utter boredom.
‘Well, it’s quite impressive that you’re studying it at 8:30 in the morning,” PP admires.
“Yeah, I guess.”
Oh to be young and jaded.
PP collects her fins, kickboard and pull buoy from CG and heads into the locker room but not before getting a gorgeous grin from her favorite swimming musician, BS who’s just gotten outta the pool.
“How’s the water?” PP asks.
“Perfect.” BS asserts, his head still wrapped under a towel before looking up and seeing PP. “Oh! It’s you!” (Now PP gets that grin!) “It’s LOVELY!”
“Really?”
“REALLY!”
“Good to hear,” PP thinks she believes him but is dubious. BS likes it cold. He’s one of THOSE types!
“You’re gonna love it. Besides you’re here, aren’t you?”
“Yes, that’s the hard part.”
“Exactly. So you won’t chicken out or anything, right?”
“Errr…right….”
PP doesn’t like the sound of the chicken out part, but heads into the locker room to change anyway.
BS was right. The pool was lovely. Warm and empty. A lane to herself after Sidestroke Swimming Woman got out under the pool covers. (PP had watched in semi-interest as a lifeguard held the blue pool cover up for SSW slightly so she could swim under it to the steps? Wasn’t this highly dangerous? Those pool covers always stress—there’s daunting warnings written all over them-- how no one should swim on or around or under them. Maybe with the lifeguard’s help it’s ok?)
PP wants to try it too. She’s always wanted to swim in that weird darkness under the covers, but it’s so scary. Why she’s not sure. It’s not like Mills has the Lockness Monster lurking under the pool covers. Damn this is a stupid blog. Sorry ‘bout that, but nothing happened today. The other day, Friday, the showers stopped working while PP was soaped up. Shampoo in her hair. Soap all over her body. Ms. Pool Manageress had poked her head into the showers and announced, “If you haven’t noticed, the water is turned off. I’d suggest you desoap as quickly as possible.”
Desoap? Is that a word?
Evidently it is in the official world of a Pool Manageress!
Needless to say, PP hadn’t been able to desoap without burning her tender skin off. (For some reason the cold water was off but there was a trickle of hot…hot…hotter water! Till finally PP hadda get out. Soap in her hair. One huge tangled shampoo mass.Hissssss!!!!)
Was PP a little cranky?
Of course not.
So yes, Friday there was a story, but today, Monday? No story….except for time confusion in the hot tub which is sorta cliché now isn’t it?
Oh let’s try it anyway.
“What time is it?” Blue Shirted Smiling Woman asks.
“I can’t tell.” PP answers, trying to read the clock thro her chlorinated vision.
BSSW frowns up her smile as she rolls up her shirt and squints at her watch. “It’s 10:43.”
Glamour Sphinx Woman smiles serenely over at her, “You mean 9:43.”
“Whoops! Yes, guess it’s not as late as I thought.”
GPW nods and almost laughs, but she’s way too cool. Instead just stares straight ahead with her Mona Lisa smile.
PP giggles. She thinks it’s funny. But everything is post swim in the hot tub. Such a relief to be done and tired and warm.
BSSW wants to chat. “It is cold today.”
“Yup.” PP agrees.
“Glad we have the hot tub.”
“Oh yah!” As you all know, PP lives for the hot tub!
“I couldn’t go in here before I swim though.” BSSW insists.
“Oh, I have to. I’m so cold all the time. I get warm first and then stretch out and then take a hot shower and then get in the pool.” PP describes. “It’s quite a process.”
BSSW nods. “Bet you swim faster cuz you stretch out first.”
“Nah. I don’t swim very fast anymore. I swam faster 20 years ago.”
“I swam faster 40 years ago.” BBSW giggles. “Now I just call myself, ‘Dogged but Determined.”
PP nods. “There’s a lot to be said for that.”
“Ummm….’
PP sinks under the water. Aren’t dogged and determined the same thing? Shouldn’t it be dogged and determined, not dogged but determined?
Glamour Sphinx glides out of the tub as PP and BSSW watch in admiration. She’s so young and brown and unfazed. Bet she never gets cold!
“Well, time for me to get out too, I guess. You have a good one.” BBSW calls out cheerily to PP.
“Thanks, you too!”
Sinking back into the tub for one last moment, PP watches as BBSW heads into the locker room. Her bright blue shirt contrasting the grey dreary sky. A new friend perhaps? PP resists this making new morning friends, but....it's a new day. A new time.
Maybe this year the time change won’t be so bad, PP thinks to herself, as she climbs dreamily outta the tub. But then a cold blast of wind brings her back to reality. Something PP can do without, as she scurries into the locker room and, hopefully, a hot shower with no desoaping complications!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Come on in!
PP has been heinously sick. How the hell can a kitty get so sick with a stupid cold? It’s astounding. PP can only surmise that the well gods are against her lately, but thankfully, a smiling health goddess blessed her this morning with only a minor sinus headache and a yucky nose. Ok you don’t need to know those details!
Suffice it to say, that PP FINALLY got back in the water today! What a difference to her brain a swim makes! (As all of you swimmers do know!)
So, really no stories today at Club Mills other than a Snarky Swimmer that didn’t want PP joining her lane. Okay, PP gets that. She didn’t want to join her lane either. She hates circle swimming, but hell, she was freezing. Standing there shivering in the goddamn shade. (Yes, PP did make it in the morning. This is still highly cranky. And what happens next week with the stupid time change? Does PP’s skin know that it’s now what? 8 a.m. instead of 9 a.m?)
PP doesn’t think so.
Anyway, the Snarky Swimmer relented after PP stuck her big fins in her cranky face.
Just kidding.
Actually, she bopped her on the head with a kickboard.
It was so satisfying! The board made a wonderfully resounding echo on her wet headed cap. And the look on her face was one of sheer amazement.
Evidently she’d never been hit on the head with a kickboard before.
Okay, PP is still just kidding. But she had you goin there for a moment, eh?
So, PP does get into Snarky Swimmer’s lane and they circle swim for hell, 3 minutes? 4 minutes? Just till the swim team was finished. (PP had mentioned this to SS initially.)
“Can I join your lane?”
“Do you have to?”
(PP is not sure if SS really said this, but since she’s making everything up on her blog this morning, why not? It sounds about right.)
So PP glares at SS through her killer borrowed shades from Dashingly Handsome BF and smiles sweetly.
“YES! I have to! I’m freezing out here!” PP is visibly shivering. Or at least she feels like she is what with being wet and in the shade and still kinda fragile from her heinous cold.
SS glares back at her. “Does SHE know?” pointing to the other swimmer making her way obliviously back up the lane. “
”Yeah, she knows.” PP had approached her first. She’d just nodded and kept swimming.
Relenting, SS shrugs if you can shrug underwater. “Okay, come on in.”
PP grins. SS is trying now. Maybe she hadn’t had enough coffee before getting in the water this morn? Maybe she was in the middle of a particularly beautiful set and had been upset at PP’s interruption.
Maybe she was just a Bitch.
Whatever, PP glides down the lane. The water a purrfect 82 degrees, the sunlight blue sparkles starting to eat away the shade at the opposite end.
It feels so good to be back in the water!
And with a delighted splash, PP ducks under the lane line to takeover the next lane now emptied of the swim team.
Let SS have her own lane. Hell, they can all have their own lanes! At least for a moment. And sometimes, PP realizes, tho this is rare, that the Moment at fin is the best!
Suffice it to say, that PP FINALLY got back in the water today! What a difference to her brain a swim makes! (As all of you swimmers do know!)
So, really no stories today at Club Mills other than a Snarky Swimmer that didn’t want PP joining her lane. Okay, PP gets that. She didn’t want to join her lane either. She hates circle swimming, but hell, she was freezing. Standing there shivering in the goddamn shade. (Yes, PP did make it in the morning. This is still highly cranky. And what happens next week with the stupid time change? Does PP’s skin know that it’s now what? 8 a.m. instead of 9 a.m?)
PP doesn’t think so.
Anyway, the Snarky Swimmer relented after PP stuck her big fins in her cranky face.
Just kidding.
Actually, she bopped her on the head with a kickboard.
It was so satisfying! The board made a wonderfully resounding echo on her wet headed cap. And the look on her face was one of sheer amazement.
Evidently she’d never been hit on the head with a kickboard before.
Okay, PP is still just kidding. But she had you goin there for a moment, eh?
So, PP does get into Snarky Swimmer’s lane and they circle swim for hell, 3 minutes? 4 minutes? Just till the swim team was finished. (PP had mentioned this to SS initially.)
“Can I join your lane?”
“Do you have to?”
(PP is not sure if SS really said this, but since she’s making everything up on her blog this morning, why not? It sounds about right.)
So PP glares at SS through her killer borrowed shades from Dashingly Handsome BF and smiles sweetly.
“YES! I have to! I’m freezing out here!” PP is visibly shivering. Or at least she feels like she is what with being wet and in the shade and still kinda fragile from her heinous cold.
SS glares back at her. “Does SHE know?” pointing to the other swimmer making her way obliviously back up the lane. “
”Yeah, she knows.” PP had approached her first. She’d just nodded and kept swimming.
Relenting, SS shrugs if you can shrug underwater. “Okay, come on in.”
PP grins. SS is trying now. Maybe she hadn’t had enough coffee before getting in the water this morn? Maybe she was in the middle of a particularly beautiful set and had been upset at PP’s interruption.
Maybe she was just a Bitch.
Whatever, PP glides down the lane. The water a purrfect 82 degrees, the sunlight blue sparkles starting to eat away the shade at the opposite end.
It feels so good to be back in the water!
And with a delighted splash, PP ducks under the lane line to takeover the next lane now emptied of the swim team.
Let SS have her own lane. Hell, they can all have their own lanes! At least for a moment. And sometimes, PP realizes, tho this is rare, that the Moment at fin is the best!
Monday, October 09, 2006
IT'S ALIVE!!!!
“EEEWWWW! SNART!!! GROSS!"
PP’s little sis ( whose nickname for PP is ‘snart'—actually both sisters call each other snart just to confuse the identity issue even more) is pointing at an exceptionally mammoth black slimy clump of dark disgusting mound of hair? Isn’t there a more odious word to describe it? In any case, there it sits, covering most of the drain in the hospital green showers of The Golden Bear Pool, the soapy water swirling it around in a slow whirlpool vortex.
PP wrinkles her wet nose, trying not to look, but of course, thanks to her sister, can’t help it.
“IT’s ALIVE!!!” C. Sue cries out, delightedly giggling.
PP dives in to the fray. “And it’s moving!”
“OH! SNART STOP IT!” Lil Sis cries.
“And look, Snart, there’s another one, there, right next to you, in the empty soap holder, clinging to the white porcelain.”
“GROSSSS!”
“Look over there!” CS continues, “On the wall! It’s crawling up and toward you. It’s gonna get you!”
“EWWWEEEWWWW!”
“And there, on the other side. See that little wisp?” PP points to the green tiles next to her sis.
“Where, Snart, where?”
”There. Right near your thigh. It’s crawling toward you.”
”Stop it snart! It can’t be moving.”
“Ah, but it is. See…it’s inching upward and over. Soon the wet spindly little hairs are gonna reach across the tiles and touch your sensitive skin on the back of your you know what…”
“UGH!!!!!”
PP cracks up as she finally turns off the shower and heads back to the locker room. Hears giggles behind her. CS and Lil Sis are pointing and laughing at her ass.
“What? What’s the matter? Do I have One on me?” PP asks in terror.
“No, no, it’s nothing that frightening,” CS giggles. “It’s just that you’ve been standing in the hot water for so long that you have this bright red stripe down the middle of your ass.”
PP frowns, then turns to point her ass at the mirror on the opposite wall. Sure enough. She’s got a bright pink stripe down her backside. Starts to laugh.
“You’re right. Well, I was cold.
”Bet you’re not anymore, Snart!” her sis quips.
“Nope. I’m finally warm.”
CS starts to giggle again.
“What’s so funny?” PP asks.
“Nothing nothing….it’s just that….”
PP grins. “What?”
Lil Sis starts to giggle too. “Snart! Did you see? Look under you. IT’s following you!”
Jumping up, PP hops into the locker room, creeped out completely. “Where is IT? I don’t see anything?”
”You don’t, Snart? Take a closer look. Under your foot…..”
“Yeah, PP, I think you better sit down for this one.” CS giggles.
Wrapping her towel around her, PP sits down on the bench and surveys the floor under her feet. “I still don’t see anything.”
Lil sis starts to laugh again. “You’re too late, Snart. It got away.”
”What?”
”The Glob.”
”The Glob?”
“Yeah, you’ve heard of the Blob? Well, you were the unwitting victim of the Glob. That dreaded Hair Ball of the Shower. It was after you, but you thankfully eluded it.” CS grins.
PP stares at the two of them. “I think the hot water has gone to your heads, you two. There was no Glob on me.”
Lil Sis grins, then nods enthusiastically. “OH, Snart. You are so lucky that you escaped. Next time you might not be so lucky.”
“What the HELL did they put in the water?” Eavesdropping Swimmer calls out from the row of lockers on the other side.
Giggling, PP, CS and Lil Sis shake their heads. Lil Sis calls out to ES—“It’ not in the water, it’s in the shower. So be careful.”
Shaking her head and laughing, ES heads out to the pool as the lilting giggles of PP’s sis and friend echo thro the green cavernous locker room.
PP’s little sis ( whose nickname for PP is ‘snart'—actually both sisters call each other snart just to confuse the identity issue even more) is pointing at an exceptionally mammoth black slimy clump of dark disgusting mound of hair? Isn’t there a more odious word to describe it? In any case, there it sits, covering most of the drain in the hospital green showers of The Golden Bear Pool, the soapy water swirling it around in a slow whirlpool vortex.
PP wrinkles her wet nose, trying not to look, but of course, thanks to her sister, can’t help it.
“IT’s ALIVE!!!” C. Sue cries out, delightedly giggling.
PP dives in to the fray. “And it’s moving!”
“OH! SNART STOP IT!” Lil Sis cries.
“And look, Snart, there’s another one, there, right next to you, in the empty soap holder, clinging to the white porcelain.”
“GROSSSS!”
“Look over there!” CS continues, “On the wall! It’s crawling up and toward you. It’s gonna get you!”
“EWWWEEEWWWW!”
“And there, on the other side. See that little wisp?” PP points to the green tiles next to her sis.
“Where, Snart, where?”
”There. Right near your thigh. It’s crawling toward you.”
”Stop it snart! It can’t be moving.”
“Ah, but it is. See…it’s inching upward and over. Soon the wet spindly little hairs are gonna reach across the tiles and touch your sensitive skin on the back of your you know what…”
“UGH!!!!!”
PP cracks up as she finally turns off the shower and heads back to the locker room. Hears giggles behind her. CS and Lil Sis are pointing and laughing at her ass.
“What? What’s the matter? Do I have One on me?” PP asks in terror.
“No, no, it’s nothing that frightening,” CS giggles. “It’s just that you’ve been standing in the hot water for so long that you have this bright red stripe down the middle of your ass.”
PP frowns, then turns to point her ass at the mirror on the opposite wall. Sure enough. She’s got a bright pink stripe down her backside. Starts to laugh.
“You’re right. Well, I was cold.
”Bet you’re not anymore, Snart!” her sis quips.
“Nope. I’m finally warm.”
CS starts to giggle again.
“What’s so funny?” PP asks.
“Nothing nothing….it’s just that….”
PP grins. “What?”
Lil Sis starts to giggle too. “Snart! Did you see? Look under you. IT’s following you!”
Jumping up, PP hops into the locker room, creeped out completely. “Where is IT? I don’t see anything?”
”You don’t, Snart? Take a closer look. Under your foot…..”
“Yeah, PP, I think you better sit down for this one.” CS giggles.
Wrapping her towel around her, PP sits down on the bench and surveys the floor under her feet. “I still don’t see anything.”
Lil sis starts to laugh again. “You’re too late, Snart. It got away.”
”What?”
”The Glob.”
”The Glob?”
“Yeah, you’ve heard of the Blob? Well, you were the unwitting victim of the Glob. That dreaded Hair Ball of the Shower. It was after you, but you thankfully eluded it.” CS grins.
PP stares at the two of them. “I think the hot water has gone to your heads, you two. There was no Glob on me.”
Lil Sis grins, then nods enthusiastically. “OH, Snart. You are so lucky that you escaped. Next time you might not be so lucky.”
“What the HELL did they put in the water?” Eavesdropping Swimmer calls out from the row of lockers on the other side.
Giggling, PP, CS and Lil Sis shake their heads. Lil Sis calls out to ES—“It’ not in the water, it’s in the shower. So be careful.”
Shaking her head and laughing, ES heads out to the pool as the lilting giggles of PP’s sis and friend echo thro the green cavernous locker room.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Temptation….
“You know Coach I if I told her that once I told her that 1000 times and she still don’t listen.”
“Wait till she’s a teenager.”
“I hear you! I got three preceding her.”
”Haa! Then you’ve been down that road before.”
“Oh yeah.”
“WATCH THE BALL!!!! HIT THE BALL IN FRONT OF YOU!!! IN FRONT! GOOOOD!!!”
PP grins to herself as she dries off in the deserted locker room. Remembers her own tennis life. Did she really ever play tennis? It does seem like another person all those years ago. PP sighs, listening to the soothing whack whack of the ball.
“12…..13……14…….15…..16…….17….18…..”Good! You almost made 20!”
“You do wonders with her, Coach!”
“Thanks!”
PP hears the Coach begin to count again. What the hell is he doin? She doesn’t remember doing this exercise with Mr……??? God she can’t remember her coach’s name? But she had such a crush on him when she was 12! How can that be that she’s forgotten his name? How amazing the aging brain process is.
PP shakes her head as she pulls on her top. It’s so quiet today at Mills. (No she didn’t say farewell. Not yet at least) No one in the pool. Why PP even had a dream moment of swimming with NO ONE else in the water. Heavenly. But with the cold gray morning, it wasn’t surprising that the place was empty.
And she was safe from the Demon Sun this way!
Now, in the locker room, she’s the only one here. Well except for the eavesdropping tennis lesson. “IF there’s one thing I want you girls to take away from this tournament it’s that ……”
PP heads into the bathroom section to start The Hair. It’s become such a long ordeal. Spies a fancy Biolage Leave In Conditioner left on the counter. Mmmmm….maybe she should try it? And then if she likes it?
She can always steal it. PP likes to swipe stuffs left in the locker room. Not big stuff like fancy scarves or shoes or sweaters. No just little stuff like shampoo, lotion and conditioner.
So, if the Biolage was left here and she likes it?
Well, it musta been left for a reason and that reason is her!
PP reaches for the Biolage. It’s over half full. Cool! Lifts it to a particularly tangled mass on her right side. Presses the squirt squirt button…fizzle... fizzle…..
Damn. She can barely get any leave it on conditioner out to leave on! No wonder it was left around!
Shrugging, PP puts the conditioner back where she found it. Next to the 2nd sink. Or was it the 3rd one?
Oh no! What if she puts it back Wrong?
Giggling to herself, PP shakes her head. Who cares? It doesn’t work anyway. Too bad though, she thinks to herself as someone slams thro the door, rushing into the locker room.
PP glances over, hoping it’s not Hurry Up Bitch. It’s not. Thank God. Another lap swimmer she doesn’t recognize. This morning swimming is a whole different crowd. PP remembers the other morning, was it Wed? When she did get kicked outta the pool cuz there was a class. Pretty Gray Haired Streaked Woman had seen her later doin her hair and had asked if they could swim past 9:45. PP had grinned and quipped, “You mean push it a little? PGHS had nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah…cuz I can’t get here till 9....I hafta drop my kids off at school first.”
And PP had shook her head, “Nah, they’ll kick you out. Believe me, I’ve tried it.”
But Today! Today is Friday. FRIDAY!!! HUB can’t chase PP out today cuz the pool is open till 3:30! And it’s only 10:30!
Can PP get out of the locker room in five hours?
Sometimes it does seem like it takes her 5 hours to get outta there.
Esp from HUB’s point of view!
Tossing her wet suit and new 50+ sun block shirt in her bag, PP gives the Biolage one last wistful glance. It looks so forlorn there. Left on the counter. All alone and broken.
Should she take it?
PP hesitates. She could put it in another container. With a squirt mechanism that works…..Shaking her head, PP pushes open the door. She’s not that desperate for Hair Products.
Heading out into the cold fog morn, PP spies Dashingly Handsome BF sitting on his usual spot, spacing out. Should she tell him about her Virtuous Resisitance of Forlorn Hair Products?
PP decides not. Let him read it on her blog.
Rising and taking her bag for her, DHBF grins down at her. “I’m ready for another cup of coffee!”
”Mmmmm….” PP agrees as she follows him out into the parking lot, tossing a long tangled wet tress enticingly over her shoulder, the smite of Biolage smelling expensive and dangerous.
“You know Coach I if I told her that once I told her that 1000 times and she still don’t listen.”
“Wait till she’s a teenager.”
“I hear you! I got three preceding her.”
”Haa! Then you’ve been down that road before.”
“Oh yeah.”
“WATCH THE BALL!!!! HIT THE BALL IN FRONT OF YOU!!! IN FRONT! GOOOOD!!!”
PP grins to herself as she dries off in the deserted locker room. Remembers her own tennis life. Did she really ever play tennis? It does seem like another person all those years ago. PP sighs, listening to the soothing whack whack of the ball.
“12…..13……14…….15…..16…….17….18…..”Good! You almost made 20!”
“You do wonders with her, Coach!”
“Thanks!”
PP hears the Coach begin to count again. What the hell is he doin? She doesn’t remember doing this exercise with Mr……??? God she can’t remember her coach’s name? But she had such a crush on him when she was 12! How can that be that she’s forgotten his name? How amazing the aging brain process is.
PP shakes her head as she pulls on her top. It’s so quiet today at Mills. (No she didn’t say farewell. Not yet at least) No one in the pool. Why PP even had a dream moment of swimming with NO ONE else in the water. Heavenly. But with the cold gray morning, it wasn’t surprising that the place was empty.
And she was safe from the Demon Sun this way!
Now, in the locker room, she’s the only one here. Well except for the eavesdropping tennis lesson. “IF there’s one thing I want you girls to take away from this tournament it’s that ……”
PP heads into the bathroom section to start The Hair. It’s become such a long ordeal. Spies a fancy Biolage Leave In Conditioner left on the counter. Mmmmm….maybe she should try it? And then if she likes it?
She can always steal it. PP likes to swipe stuffs left in the locker room. Not big stuff like fancy scarves or shoes or sweaters. No just little stuff like shampoo, lotion and conditioner.
So, if the Biolage was left here and she likes it?
Well, it musta been left for a reason and that reason is her!
PP reaches for the Biolage. It’s over half full. Cool! Lifts it to a particularly tangled mass on her right side. Presses the squirt squirt button…fizzle... fizzle…..
Damn. She can barely get any leave it on conditioner out to leave on! No wonder it was left around!
Shrugging, PP puts the conditioner back where she found it. Next to the 2nd sink. Or was it the 3rd one?
Oh no! What if she puts it back Wrong?
Giggling to herself, PP shakes her head. Who cares? It doesn’t work anyway. Too bad though, she thinks to herself as someone slams thro the door, rushing into the locker room.
PP glances over, hoping it’s not Hurry Up Bitch. It’s not. Thank God. Another lap swimmer she doesn’t recognize. This morning swimming is a whole different crowd. PP remembers the other morning, was it Wed? When she did get kicked outta the pool cuz there was a class. Pretty Gray Haired Streaked Woman had seen her later doin her hair and had asked if they could swim past 9:45. PP had grinned and quipped, “You mean push it a little? PGHS had nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah…cuz I can’t get here till 9....I hafta drop my kids off at school first.”
And PP had shook her head, “Nah, they’ll kick you out. Believe me, I’ve tried it.”
But Today! Today is Friday. FRIDAY!!! HUB can’t chase PP out today cuz the pool is open till 3:30! And it’s only 10:30!
Can PP get out of the locker room in five hours?
Sometimes it does seem like it takes her 5 hours to get outta there.
Esp from HUB’s point of view!
Tossing her wet suit and new 50+ sun block shirt in her bag, PP gives the Biolage one last wistful glance. It looks so forlorn there. Left on the counter. All alone and broken.
Should she take it?
PP hesitates. She could put it in another container. With a squirt mechanism that works…..Shaking her head, PP pushes open the door. She’s not that desperate for Hair Products.
Heading out into the cold fog morn, PP spies Dashingly Handsome BF sitting on his usual spot, spacing out. Should she tell him about her Virtuous Resisitance of Forlorn Hair Products?
PP decides not. Let him read it on her blog.
Rising and taking her bag for her, DHBF grins down at her. “I’m ready for another cup of coffee!”
”Mmmmm….” PP agrees as she follows him out into the parking lot, tossing a long tangled wet tress enticingly over her shoulder, the smite of Biolage smelling expensive and dangerous.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Captain GB’s Swim Team
“So, I got a call from the principal’s office today.” Capt. GB sighs wearily.
PP grins from behind the sumptuous Hot Tub bubbles, “Really?”
“Yeah, J bit someone.”
Giggling, PP nods. “That sounds like a good story.”
”Oh, yeah.”
”Why did he bite someone?”
”Turns out that this other kid had him in a choke hold and it was the only way, according to J, that he could escape.”
”Sounds like biting the kid was a good idea.” PP laughs.
“Yeah, you know I thought the same thing. Thing is, I can’t let J know that I think it.”
”Why not?”
”It’s just not a good thing when your kid goes around biting other kids. Even though I’m not surprised. J told me a few weeks ago that there was a Bully in the class. And I saw this kid. He’s big. “
“And mean!”
”Exactly!”
“Where did it happen? On the playground?”
”That’s what I thought, but then when I finally talked to his teacher, she said it was in the classroom.”
”Where was she?”
“Oh, she was there. She just turned around for a second and then WHAM! The Bully puts the chokehold on J and J bites him!”
PP laughs again, delighted. Capt. GB tells such funny stories about her kids. Of course, PP knows that the biting child is probably not really a laughing matter. But it sure sounds funny. “So, guess you’ll hafta talk to J and tell him it’s not okay to bite other kids, right?”
”Yeah.”
”How do you do that without laughing?”
Capt B lets out a short snort. “It’s hard. Believe me. Especially when I think J’s not all wrong in the matter.” Sighing, Capt G glances over at the pool, now lit magically in the growing darkness like a white rectangular diamond.
“Look at the moon!” PP points through the darkening pines as a golden crescent moon rises behind the fog.
“Wow. That’s cool. You ready for a swim? “
“Sure,” PP nods, “I just need to go the bathroom first. Where are they again?”
Capt B explains as she takes off her glasses and gathers up her fins and cap. “See ya in the water.”
”Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
PP tries not to trip over the dark wooden steps on her way to the bathroom. She loves this Harbor Club Pool in Alameda where she gets in for free on the last Friday of the month courtesy Capt. G, but it is rather dark. And wet. Someone’s got a hose snaking into the bathroom. Damn, PP mutters. She really hadda go to the bathroom and didn’t want to try to navigate her way back to the main inside ones. Oh well, she’ll just follow the hose and see if it’s a man or a woman at the other end. Though why this would make a difference, she isn't sure. Either way, the hosing would probably mask the peeing!
Peering inside the restroom, she sees the back of a guy hosing out the showers. Damn. How’s she gonna go to the bathroom with a guy in here? Backing out, PP notes the line of urinals on the wall. Ummm….that’s odd. Urinals in the ladies room? Glancing at the signage on the door, PP discovers that she’s been skulking around the men’s room and not the woman’s. Jeeez! That Hot Water musta go to her brain to walk into the wrong restroom. Or was it the moon?
PP’s glad that the Hosing Guy didn’t see her. Why, she’s not exactly sure as she turns around and finds the ladies room right next door. Whew! And no one here. Great. Plopping down on the toilet, PP shivers. She’ll hafta get back into the hot tub again before the big pool to warm up.
Making her way back out in the dark, PP notes the Hosing Guy out on the lawn now, spraying away. A dark lumbering form, startled from under a lounge chair? sprints, if raccoons can sprint? across the wet dark lawn. PP grins as she watches the animal disappear into the darkness. Will he go for a swim? she wonders? Do raccoons swim? If they don’t, they sure should since they already come equipped with their little black goggles!
Giggling to herself, she heads back to the hot tub only to find it inundated with screeching teenagers.
Damn.
No second hot tub before the pool, she sighs as she recovers her cap and water bottle from behind a scrawny 15 year old boy, his white back glowing in the dark as he ignores PP’s murmur of ‘excuse me?’ He’s way too busy sizing up the gaggle of girls all shrill in their bikinis and wet hair.
Glancing up at the golden moon one more time, PP smiles. She can remember being that age.
No actually she can’t.
Grinning, PP heads over the lawn, mud between her toes on the wet grass as the shrieks of teenage activity echo over the pool.
“How’s the water?” she asks Capt. G.
”It’s okay once you get in.”
“I am not believing you!” Black square trunked swimmer from what looks like could be the 1950’s Swedish Olympic Team asserts, shaking his head as he prepares to enter the pool. Capt. B and PP both laugh as they watch him jump in, his long strides breaking the smooth turquoise surface.
Diving in after him, PP feels the cold water wash away her day. She wasn’t gonna come tonight. But taking the next lap back, her arms cutting through the glassy water, she’s happy she did.
Grinning, PP turns and heads back down the lane, kicking fast with her fins, the moon now bigger and more magical. Damn that sounds corny, but hell, it’s true!
Now if only that raccoon would take the plunge!
“So, I got a call from the principal’s office today.” Capt. GB sighs wearily.
PP grins from behind the sumptuous Hot Tub bubbles, “Really?”
“Yeah, J bit someone.”
Giggling, PP nods. “That sounds like a good story.”
”Oh, yeah.”
”Why did he bite someone?”
”Turns out that this other kid had him in a choke hold and it was the only way, according to J, that he could escape.”
”Sounds like biting the kid was a good idea.” PP laughs.
“Yeah, you know I thought the same thing. Thing is, I can’t let J know that I think it.”
”Why not?”
”It’s just not a good thing when your kid goes around biting other kids. Even though I’m not surprised. J told me a few weeks ago that there was a Bully in the class. And I saw this kid. He’s big. “
“And mean!”
”Exactly!”
“Where did it happen? On the playground?”
”That’s what I thought, but then when I finally talked to his teacher, she said it was in the classroom.”
”Where was she?”
“Oh, she was there. She just turned around for a second and then WHAM! The Bully puts the chokehold on J and J bites him!”
PP laughs again, delighted. Capt. GB tells such funny stories about her kids. Of course, PP knows that the biting child is probably not really a laughing matter. But it sure sounds funny. “So, guess you’ll hafta talk to J and tell him it’s not okay to bite other kids, right?”
”Yeah.”
”How do you do that without laughing?”
Capt B lets out a short snort. “It’s hard. Believe me. Especially when I think J’s not all wrong in the matter.” Sighing, Capt G glances over at the pool, now lit magically in the growing darkness like a white rectangular diamond.
“Look at the moon!” PP points through the darkening pines as a golden crescent moon rises behind the fog.
“Wow. That’s cool. You ready for a swim? “
“Sure,” PP nods, “I just need to go the bathroom first. Where are they again?”
Capt B explains as she takes off her glasses and gathers up her fins and cap. “See ya in the water.”
”Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
PP tries not to trip over the dark wooden steps on her way to the bathroom. She loves this Harbor Club Pool in Alameda where she gets in for free on the last Friday of the month courtesy Capt. G, but it is rather dark. And wet. Someone’s got a hose snaking into the bathroom. Damn, PP mutters. She really hadda go to the bathroom and didn’t want to try to navigate her way back to the main inside ones. Oh well, she’ll just follow the hose and see if it’s a man or a woman at the other end. Though why this would make a difference, she isn't sure. Either way, the hosing would probably mask the peeing!
Peering inside the restroom, she sees the back of a guy hosing out the showers. Damn. How’s she gonna go to the bathroom with a guy in here? Backing out, PP notes the line of urinals on the wall. Ummm….that’s odd. Urinals in the ladies room? Glancing at the signage on the door, PP discovers that she’s been skulking around the men’s room and not the woman’s. Jeeez! That Hot Water musta go to her brain to walk into the wrong restroom. Or was it the moon?
PP’s glad that the Hosing Guy didn’t see her. Why, she’s not exactly sure as she turns around and finds the ladies room right next door. Whew! And no one here. Great. Plopping down on the toilet, PP shivers. She’ll hafta get back into the hot tub again before the big pool to warm up.
Making her way back out in the dark, PP notes the Hosing Guy out on the lawn now, spraying away. A dark lumbering form, startled from under a lounge chair? sprints, if raccoons can sprint? across the wet dark lawn. PP grins as she watches the animal disappear into the darkness. Will he go for a swim? she wonders? Do raccoons swim? If they don’t, they sure should since they already come equipped with their little black goggles!
Giggling to herself, she heads back to the hot tub only to find it inundated with screeching teenagers.
Damn.
No second hot tub before the pool, she sighs as she recovers her cap and water bottle from behind a scrawny 15 year old boy, his white back glowing in the dark as he ignores PP’s murmur of ‘excuse me?’ He’s way too busy sizing up the gaggle of girls all shrill in their bikinis and wet hair.
Glancing up at the golden moon one more time, PP smiles. She can remember being that age.
No actually she can’t.
Grinning, PP heads over the lawn, mud between her toes on the wet grass as the shrieks of teenage activity echo over the pool.
“How’s the water?” she asks Capt. G.
”It’s okay once you get in.”
“I am not believing you!” Black square trunked swimmer from what looks like could be the 1950’s Swedish Olympic Team asserts, shaking his head as he prepares to enter the pool. Capt. B and PP both laugh as they watch him jump in, his long strides breaking the smooth turquoise surface.
Diving in after him, PP feels the cold water wash away her day. She wasn’t gonna come tonight. But taking the next lap back, her arms cutting through the glassy water, she’s happy she did.
Grinning, PP turns and heads back down the lane, kicking fast with her fins, the moon now bigger and more magical. Damn that sounds corny, but hell, it’s true!
Now if only that raccoon would take the plunge!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Farewell to Mills?
PP’s just about had it with Mills. No, maybe this is not really goodbye, but hell, she just has one question? Don’t we lovely paying patrons get the very short time of 15 minutes to shower and change before being rushed outta the locker room? Isn’t that why the pool ‘closes’ at 4:45 instead of ‘5’? It’s a sneaky way of gyping us outta our swim actually. If the schedule said till 5 then….wait….PP is getting off the mad track here. Let’s start this again.
PP is goddamn sick and tired of being made to feel like a piece of guncky slimy hair on the shower floor if she takes one fuckin minute over the allotted 15 minutes to get dressed. PLEASE!!! What is the goddamn big deal here? Last Sunday, PP thought she’d try Mills at 4 after the sun’s zenith was gone. Consequently, when she swims her 45 minutes and then gets a paltry 5 minutes in the hot tub she understands that she’s gonna hafta shower and change more quickly. Yet…. But…… Suffice it to say that when she and another regular swimmer were rushing to get dressed at 4:48 with correct her if she’s wrong, 12 minutes to go, Miss Hard- Nose-I Have -A -Date -Can -You –Speed- It- Up-Any comes nosing in. “Are we almost done here ladies?”
Shit. No, are you my mother? I mean. PP is hurrying. J is hurrying. Lord knows we don’t want a naughty slow ladies scolding on a Sunday afternoon. Yet, it seems it can’t be avoided when this bitch is working. Oh, PP likes calling her a bitch. Hell, PP shoulda told her she’s had cancer and that’s why she can’t swim earlier cuz she hastsa stay outta the sun’s zenith. So fuck you bitch. You’re gonna be 3 minutes late for your ‘date.’ This is not the first time this has happened.
And on this Sunday, PP was well within the cut off range. “What time is it? She’d asked. Hurry Up Bitch glances at her fat wrist and makes a face. ‘ It’s about 4 minutes to 5. PP glares at her. ‘Okay then, I’ll be outta here in 4 minutes. “ HUB shakes her head in dismay, then clucks her fat tongue disapprovingly. “The sooner you can make it the better. I have a date.” PP wants to say, who the hell would date you? But holds her tongue. It takes more time to make snide comments and she needs that 4 minutes now. So stalking past her with her wet suit dripping dangerously close to HUB’s fat ankles, PP plops her unused hair dryer in her bag and glances over at J who’s even slower than PP and isn’t getting involved. PP thinks this is a bit cowardly on her part, but maybe she’s just trying to get the hell outta there too.
HUB slams outa the locker room, leaving PP and J alone for what’s left of the 4 minutes. “I hate it when they rush us out of here like that!” PP fumes. “Yeah.” J agrees. Isn’t she pissed off too? PP wonders. Damn. She needs a comrade in arms. Where’s the Lovely I or Gianna Panna when you need ‘em?
Tossing her wet stuff in her bag, then rummaging around for her keys, PP shakes her head. Is it really worth it? Isn’t swimming supposed to be a relaxing and restorative endeavor? Evidently not here at Mills where all they care about is their ‘dates’. Hell PP gets this. She’s worked enough retail. You’re tired. You’re hungry. You’re outa patience with the goddamn customers. But what can you do? You hafta wait for them to buy their books or put their 3 sugars, half a honey bear of sweetener & 6 tablespoons of half and half in their latte before you can go home. This is Extreme Customer Abuse. PP knows it well. But hell, she and J are within the 15 after swim time limit by 4 fuckin minutes!
Should she report HUB to the management? PP thinks not. She’ll just get her revenge on her blog. Thank god for writing! Its saves so much time, energy and confrontation.
Unless of course, by some happy miracle, HUB reads this.
PP’s just about had it with Mills. No, maybe this is not really goodbye, but hell, she just has one question? Don’t we lovely paying patrons get the very short time of 15 minutes to shower and change before being rushed outta the locker room? Isn’t that why the pool ‘closes’ at 4:45 instead of ‘5’? It’s a sneaky way of gyping us outta our swim actually. If the schedule said till 5 then….wait….PP is getting off the mad track here. Let’s start this again.
PP is goddamn sick and tired of being made to feel like a piece of guncky slimy hair on the shower floor if she takes one fuckin minute over the allotted 15 minutes to get dressed. PLEASE!!! What is the goddamn big deal here? Last Sunday, PP thought she’d try Mills at 4 after the sun’s zenith was gone. Consequently, when she swims her 45 minutes and then gets a paltry 5 minutes in the hot tub she understands that she’s gonna hafta shower and change more quickly. Yet…. But…… Suffice it to say that when she and another regular swimmer were rushing to get dressed at 4:48 with correct her if she’s wrong, 12 minutes to go, Miss Hard- Nose-I Have -A -Date -Can -You –Speed- It- Up-Any comes nosing in. “Are we almost done here ladies?”
Shit. No, are you my mother? I mean. PP is hurrying. J is hurrying. Lord knows we don’t want a naughty slow ladies scolding on a Sunday afternoon. Yet, it seems it can’t be avoided when this bitch is working. Oh, PP likes calling her a bitch. Hell, PP shoulda told her she’s had cancer and that’s why she can’t swim earlier cuz she hastsa stay outta the sun’s zenith. So fuck you bitch. You’re gonna be 3 minutes late for your ‘date.’ This is not the first time this has happened.
And on this Sunday, PP was well within the cut off range. “What time is it? She’d asked. Hurry Up Bitch glances at her fat wrist and makes a face. ‘ It’s about 4 minutes to 5. PP glares at her. ‘Okay then, I’ll be outta here in 4 minutes. “ HUB shakes her head in dismay, then clucks her fat tongue disapprovingly. “The sooner you can make it the better. I have a date.” PP wants to say, who the hell would date you? But holds her tongue. It takes more time to make snide comments and she needs that 4 minutes now. So stalking past her with her wet suit dripping dangerously close to HUB’s fat ankles, PP plops her unused hair dryer in her bag and glances over at J who’s even slower than PP and isn’t getting involved. PP thinks this is a bit cowardly on her part, but maybe she’s just trying to get the hell outta there too.
HUB slams outa the locker room, leaving PP and J alone for what’s left of the 4 minutes. “I hate it when they rush us out of here like that!” PP fumes. “Yeah.” J agrees. Isn’t she pissed off too? PP wonders. Damn. She needs a comrade in arms. Where’s the Lovely I or Gianna Panna when you need ‘em?
Tossing her wet stuff in her bag, then rummaging around for her keys, PP shakes her head. Is it really worth it? Isn’t swimming supposed to be a relaxing and restorative endeavor? Evidently not here at Mills where all they care about is their ‘dates’. Hell PP gets this. She’s worked enough retail. You’re tired. You’re hungry. You’re outa patience with the goddamn customers. But what can you do? You hafta wait for them to buy their books or put their 3 sugars, half a honey bear of sweetener & 6 tablespoons of half and half in their latte before you can go home. This is Extreme Customer Abuse. PP knows it well. But hell, she and J are within the 15 after swim time limit by 4 fuckin minutes!
Should she report HUB to the management? PP thinks not. She’ll just get her revenge on her blog. Thank god for writing! Its saves so much time, energy and confrontation.
Unless of course, by some happy miracle, HUB reads this.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Mario’s Pool Story
"You wanna hear a pool story?" PP always wants to hear pool stories!—plus it takes the pressure offa her to always come up with one so….. here’s Mario’s:
"I’ll tell ya a pool story. This one is a doozy. J and I really needed a swim after the plane ride up here, so D told us to check out the SFU pool, which we’d been to before. Really nice indoor pool. 50 meter. Not too crowded. So I get in the car and we drive through the hellish rush hour SF traffic to SFU and round and round the parking lot looking for a spot and finally aha! There’s a spot and so I grab it, but then it’s not really a spot it’s actually permit parking for the goddamn faculty or some such privileged parties damn! so I have to move the car and we drive around again for like hell 15 minutes and then finally another spot. Great. And so we get outta the car and hafta hike like I dunno 15 minutes up and around this big hill and we can't find the goddamn pool there was a sign but the sign was completely indecipherable so we hadda ask some college coed who kinda pointed us in the direction of the pool you could tell he didn’t really know but hell the kid was trying to be helpful anyway we figured it out and so then we finally get to the pool building and then we start circling around the catacombs of this building and I’m thinking where the hell is that pool? Is it upstairs or downstairs? Finally we find it and now it’s been like 45 minutes since we arrived and we’re really cranky and wanna go swimming and we get to the counter and tell the guy we wanna just swim for the day and he says, that’ll be 15 dollars and were like damn 15 dollars to swim for just one time but then what the hell, we’re on vacation and we really needed a swim so we say okay, what the hell and we go to give him the 15 bucks and then he says we needa picture ID and J has hers of course, but goddamnit I left mine in the car so I hafta go all the way back to the car and get my stupid ID, but when I get back to the car I see another parking place that’s closer to the pool so I think what the hell I’ll move the car and so I get in and drive back to this closer place but then by the time I get to the place it’s gone of course so I go back to the place I had the car but now it’s gone too so I have to drive around for another 20 minutes and finally find a place that’s even further away than the original place but what the hell and so I think to myself maybe I better bring some smaller cash in case they don’t wanna break a hundred so I reach in the glove compartment and pull out a few 10’s just to be on the safe side and head back up the hill to the pool and I get there and what do you know? I forgot my fuckin ID! So then, to make a long story short, I go back to the car and get my ID whew and head back to pay the guy and he takes the smaller bills and is I think thankful for that hell I don’t know really and so we go into our separate locker rooms and I get in there and get changed into my trunks and then goddamnit I can’t figure out how to get to the pool it’s a fuckin maze in that locker room so I wander around for like I dunno another 15 minutes and think how J must be wonderin where I am and when I finally do find my way out, there she is and she tells me she had the same problem in the women’s locker room too and no problem waiting. So she dives in and starts swimming her laps and then I get in and whoa! My goddamn trunks are all screwed up and I’m trying to fix ‘em and pulling on the string to get my suit to stay on and then the goddamn string fuckin breaks and I’m like fightin with myself underwater and this chick is staring at me like what the hell is that guy doing with himself underwater so I think I better just get out on to the deck and try to fix it and finally I get it to work but now I’m so tired and discouraged that I’m just standing there on the deck and my belly is all hanging out major sloucher like and I hear J yell at me “BELLY” and I look at her and think what the hell is she yelling about and then she yells again “BELLLLYYYY!” and I realize oh yeah I’m in complete slouch mode so I stand up tall and suck in my gut and dive in and you know what I hadda really great swim it was totally worth it, but hell, next time I gotta remember to bring that goddamn photo ID!"
"You wanna hear a pool story?" PP always wants to hear pool stories!—plus it takes the pressure offa her to always come up with one so….. here’s Mario’s:
"I’ll tell ya a pool story. This one is a doozy. J and I really needed a swim after the plane ride up here, so D told us to check out the SFU pool, which we’d been to before. Really nice indoor pool. 50 meter. Not too crowded. So I get in the car and we drive through the hellish rush hour SF traffic to SFU and round and round the parking lot looking for a spot and finally aha! There’s a spot and so I grab it, but then it’s not really a spot it’s actually permit parking for the goddamn faculty or some such privileged parties damn! so I have to move the car and we drive around again for like hell 15 minutes and then finally another spot. Great. And so we get outta the car and hafta hike like I dunno 15 minutes up and around this big hill and we can't find the goddamn pool there was a sign but the sign was completely indecipherable so we hadda ask some college coed who kinda pointed us in the direction of the pool you could tell he didn’t really know but hell the kid was trying to be helpful anyway we figured it out and so then we finally get to the pool building and then we start circling around the catacombs of this building and I’m thinking where the hell is that pool? Is it upstairs or downstairs? Finally we find it and now it’s been like 45 minutes since we arrived and we’re really cranky and wanna go swimming and we get to the counter and tell the guy we wanna just swim for the day and he says, that’ll be 15 dollars and were like damn 15 dollars to swim for just one time but then what the hell, we’re on vacation and we really needed a swim so we say okay, what the hell and we go to give him the 15 bucks and then he says we needa picture ID and J has hers of course, but goddamnit I left mine in the car so I hafta go all the way back to the car and get my stupid ID, but when I get back to the car I see another parking place that’s closer to the pool so I think what the hell I’ll move the car and so I get in and drive back to this closer place but then by the time I get to the place it’s gone of course so I go back to the place I had the car but now it’s gone too so I have to drive around for another 20 minutes and finally find a place that’s even further away than the original place but what the hell and so I think to myself maybe I better bring some smaller cash in case they don’t wanna break a hundred so I reach in the glove compartment and pull out a few 10’s just to be on the safe side and head back up the hill to the pool and I get there and what do you know? I forgot my fuckin ID! So then, to make a long story short, I go back to the car and get my ID whew and head back to pay the guy and he takes the smaller bills and is I think thankful for that hell I don’t know really and so we go into our separate locker rooms and I get in there and get changed into my trunks and then goddamnit I can’t figure out how to get to the pool it’s a fuckin maze in that locker room so I wander around for like I dunno another 15 minutes and think how J must be wonderin where I am and when I finally do find my way out, there she is and she tells me she had the same problem in the women’s locker room too and no problem waiting. So she dives in and starts swimming her laps and then I get in and whoa! My goddamn trunks are all screwed up and I’m trying to fix ‘em and pulling on the string to get my suit to stay on and then the goddamn string fuckin breaks and I’m like fightin with myself underwater and this chick is staring at me like what the hell is that guy doing with himself underwater so I think I better just get out on to the deck and try to fix it and finally I get it to work but now I’m so tired and discouraged that I’m just standing there on the deck and my belly is all hanging out major sloucher like and I hear J yell at me “BELLY” and I look at her and think what the hell is she yelling about and then she yells again “BELLLLYYYY!” and I realize oh yeah I’m in complete slouch mode so I stand up tall and suck in my gut and dive in and you know what I hadda really great swim it was totally worth it, but hell, next time I gotta remember to bring that goddamn photo ID!"
Monday, September 25, 2006
Are We Awake Yet?
Tell me fellow swimmers. Is the concept that difficult to grasp? I mean, hell, there’s 2 people in a lane, splitting the lane and then two more people, making 4, are you following me? get in the lane and now what? Gee! Let’s all just tread water at the wall and freeze our butts off at 9 friggin a.m! So, PP takes control in her inimitably cranky way. “Are you joining our lane?” Confused looks thro foggy goggles as one of the intruders in her spry little red and white bikini stares at PP. Hello? Am I speaking English? Do you speak English? Actually this could be the problem. Confused interloper is Asian, young and pretty. Maybe her youth and good looks keep her brain at bay? In any case, she just blinks at PP. So PP presses on as the goose bumps accelerate their progress. “Okay, well, if you’re both gonna swim here, we need to swim circles. Do you understand?” More confused looks but she nods as her friend gulps for air,treading spastically in the choppy water. “Up the right side” PP motions up, “and down the left side” PP motions down and around. “Like a circle? Do you understand? And if you get in anyone’s way, (PP has no idea why this has occurred to her!) just wait at the wall and let the faster person by. Do you understand?”
More confused nods and foggy smiles. “I’ll go first” PP announces shaking her head. Damn, why her lane? Is it really that crowded? Glancing around at the end of the wall, PP notes that it is crowded. Goddamn swim team. Aren’t they supposed to be out by 9? PP hates swimming in the morning for oh so many reasons. The swim team might be at the top of the list. They’re splashy and entitled? Yeah. That’s it. Why does the Swim Team get 8 lanes and the rest of the poor lowly lap swimmers hafta make do with 3? Is this fair?
No, not if PP doesn’t get a lane. And as of right now, she’s just gained on Foggy Asian Girl at the end of the wall, who true to suspicions, obliviously turns slowly slowly around at the wall, neatly blocking any chance for PP to get past her.
Damn.
Is it really worth it?
PP thinks not at this point. But then FAG oh dear PP better change her initials, or maybe not…anyway the poor clueless little thing must sense PP’s Frustration and she and her friend move to another lane, leaving PP back to splittin a lane with Sexy Brazilian Woman who grins at PP and mumbles happily something about something. PP has no idea, but sees SBW blissfully grab 2 kickboards, place them on top of each other and then tread water spastically at the wall holding the kickboards for several minutes.
What’s up with that? PP wonders, but not for long as SBW’s BF lingers impatiently on the side of the deck, his dark looks begging her to be done with it.... till finally she gets out…..
Happy Happy Happy HAPPY now that she has her own lane all to herself as it ALWAYS should be, PP finishes up her swim and then makes her way hurriedly over to the hot tub. Happy, too, that the tub is empty and NO ONE will disturb her up-to-this-point elusive state of swimming bliss.
More confused nods and foggy smiles. “I’ll go first” PP announces shaking her head. Damn, why her lane? Is it really that crowded? Glancing around at the end of the wall, PP notes that it is crowded. Goddamn swim team. Aren’t they supposed to be out by 9? PP hates swimming in the morning for oh so many reasons. The swim team might be at the top of the list. They’re splashy and entitled? Yeah. That’s it. Why does the Swim Team get 8 lanes and the rest of the poor lowly lap swimmers hafta make do with 3? Is this fair?
No, not if PP doesn’t get a lane. And as of right now, she’s just gained on Foggy Asian Girl at the end of the wall, who true to suspicions, obliviously turns slowly slowly around at the wall, neatly blocking any chance for PP to get past her.
Damn.
Is it really worth it?
PP thinks not at this point. But then FAG oh dear PP better change her initials, or maybe not…anyway the poor clueless little thing must sense PP’s Frustration and she and her friend move to another lane, leaving PP back to splittin a lane with Sexy Brazilian Woman who grins at PP and mumbles happily something about something. PP has no idea, but sees SBW blissfully grab 2 kickboards, place them on top of each other and then tread water spastically at the wall holding the kickboards for several minutes.
What’s up with that? PP wonders, but not for long as SBW’s BF lingers impatiently on the side of the deck, his dark looks begging her to be done with it.... till finally she gets out…..
Happy Happy Happy HAPPY now that she has her own lane all to herself as it ALWAYS should be, PP finishes up her swim and then makes her way hurriedly over to the hot tub. Happy, too, that the tub is empty and NO ONE will disturb her up-to-this-point elusive state of swimming bliss.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
An Amazon Doctress
“Ahhhhh…I feel soooooo goood!” Amazon Thong woman sighs blissfully as PP approaches the sink to start the heinous detangling process of her too long hair. She was feeling a bit cranky at the prospect, but now ATW is cheering her up with her blissed out orgasmic sigh.
Maybe mornings aren’t gonna be so bad after all, she tries to tell herself for the 5th time in in as many days trying to swim in the morning. But, if ATW is gonna be a regular part of the experience…well……
PP smiles to herself as she starts in on her hair, thinking how she really knows what ATW means when she exclaims like this in that post swim glow, but it’s more fun to think that she’s happy so see PP!
Okay, pp knows this is a bit far-fetched, her being a middle aged shriveled up cancer light survivor . But glancing over at ATW, and then nodding in agreement, she gets a shy smile. “IT’s just so good to be done! And here!” ATW continues to gush.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” PP agrees as she tugs at a huge rat’s nest thereby negating any blissed out feeling she might have been having herself post swim.
“When I was in college I used to get up work out at 6 am.! Can you believe that?”
PP can’t. And says so.
“Yeah, so now I just feel soooo good after my swim!”
PP believes her as she remembers her firm strong ass hugging the blue daisy thong panties. Frankly, and pp knows that this is both cliché and generational, but she just has never gotten the Thong Thing. Not only does it look tres uncomfortable, but most people can’t pull it off.
However, ATW is the exception. She can pull it on. And pull it off!
Trying not to grin too widely, PP smiles over at ATW, “What kind of sports did you play?”
”Water polo. It was so awesome!”
PP nods. Yeah, I just bet it was, she thinks to herself. But water polo. That explains ATW’s physique. 6 ft tall at least. Long strong slender brown legs up to PP’s armpits. That tight non curvy straight waist.
Yup, water polo would work, PP thinks.
“What college did you go to?” PP asks
“Brown.”
Brown. PP frowns. She should know what Brown is, but it’s too early in the morning for it to be anything other than a very drab color.
“What did you study at Brown?” PP asks thinking this might give her a clue.
“Anthropology. Psychology. Actually, I was premed when I left.”
”Really?” PP raises her eyebrows. An Amazon Doctress! Too cool!
“Yeah, so that’s why I’m back here at Mills finishing up my premed so I can go to Med School next year.”
“That’s wonderful.” PP does think it is. To be in the medical field. She’s just glad it’s not her! Hell, she can’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy without getting squeamish!
“Yeah, if I hadn’t taken a break, I’d be in my second year of med school by now.”
ATW sighs. “But I did love college. Staying up late. Getting up early. Playing sports. Going to parties. Meeting new people…..” ATW gives PP another shy smile. (Actually, PP is making this last part up, but it makes for a better story!)
“And I got the opportunity to do some volunteer work which I just love,” ATW continues to gush, “Working with school kids in the lower classs, well, actually in Rhode Island there’s a poorer class and then a richer class….”
PP nods, still caught in her fantasy of ATW throwing flirtatious glances her way.
“That’s marvelous…..” PP murmurs.
“Yes, It really was a wonderful opportunity. I learned so much!”
“And it seems like it’d be great experience for a doctor.”
YES!” ATW nods enthusiastically. “Especially since I want to be a pediatrician.”
PP forces a smile. A pediatrician? What a nightmare! PP can’t think of a worse job, other than teaching kindergarten.
Yanking the last of the tangles out, PP turns on the faucet and starts rinsing out her suit as JL hops in to start her hair and makeup routine.
Suddenly shy, ATW nods at PP and then heads back to her pile of stuff in the tiny locker room. JL glances over at PP slyly.
PP starts to giggle. Then shrugs playfully as she wraps her wet suit up in her towel.
“See you later!” ATW calls out on her way out the door.
“Yes, see you next time,” PP answers as JL leans over the sink and starts applying her 'face', the make-up unable to hide her delighted grin.
"She likes you," JL observes.
"You think so?" PP teases.
Giggling, JL finishes her face and then washes her hands, her dark eyes sparkling as PP tries not too hard to ignore the tingle in her heart. (Sorry, that's really bad, but PP is tired!)
Maybe mornings aren’t gonna be so bad after all, she tries to tell herself for the 5th time in in as many days trying to swim in the morning. But, if ATW is gonna be a regular part of the experience…well……
PP smiles to herself as she starts in on her hair, thinking how she really knows what ATW means when she exclaims like this in that post swim glow, but it’s more fun to think that she’s happy so see PP!
Okay, pp knows this is a bit far-fetched, her being a middle aged shriveled up cancer light survivor . But glancing over at ATW, and then nodding in agreement, she gets a shy smile. “IT’s just so good to be done! And here!” ATW continues to gush.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” PP agrees as she tugs at a huge rat’s nest thereby negating any blissed out feeling she might have been having herself post swim.
“When I was in college I used to get up work out at 6 am.! Can you believe that?”
PP can’t. And says so.
“Yeah, so now I just feel soooo good after my swim!”
PP believes her as she remembers her firm strong ass hugging the blue daisy thong panties. Frankly, and pp knows that this is both cliché and generational, but she just has never gotten the Thong Thing. Not only does it look tres uncomfortable, but most people can’t pull it off.
However, ATW is the exception. She can pull it on. And pull it off!
Trying not to grin too widely, PP smiles over at ATW, “What kind of sports did you play?”
”Water polo. It was so awesome!”
PP nods. Yeah, I just bet it was, she thinks to herself. But water polo. That explains ATW’s physique. 6 ft tall at least. Long strong slender brown legs up to PP’s armpits. That tight non curvy straight waist.
Yup, water polo would work, PP thinks.
“What college did you go to?” PP asks
“Brown.”
Brown. PP frowns. She should know what Brown is, but it’s too early in the morning for it to be anything other than a very drab color.
“What did you study at Brown?” PP asks thinking this might give her a clue.
“Anthropology. Psychology. Actually, I was premed when I left.”
”Really?” PP raises her eyebrows. An Amazon Doctress! Too cool!
“Yeah, so that’s why I’m back here at Mills finishing up my premed so I can go to Med School next year.”
“That’s wonderful.” PP does think it is. To be in the medical field. She’s just glad it’s not her! Hell, she can’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy without getting squeamish!
“Yeah, if I hadn’t taken a break, I’d be in my second year of med school by now.”
ATW sighs. “But I did love college. Staying up late. Getting up early. Playing sports. Going to parties. Meeting new people…..” ATW gives PP another shy smile. (Actually, PP is making this last part up, but it makes for a better story!)
“And I got the opportunity to do some volunteer work which I just love,” ATW continues to gush, “Working with school kids in the lower classs, well, actually in Rhode Island there’s a poorer class and then a richer class….”
PP nods, still caught in her fantasy of ATW throwing flirtatious glances her way.
“That’s marvelous…..” PP murmurs.
“Yes, It really was a wonderful opportunity. I learned so much!”
“And it seems like it’d be great experience for a doctor.”
YES!” ATW nods enthusiastically. “Especially since I want to be a pediatrician.”
PP forces a smile. A pediatrician? What a nightmare! PP can’t think of a worse job, other than teaching kindergarten.
Yanking the last of the tangles out, PP turns on the faucet and starts rinsing out her suit as JL hops in to start her hair and makeup routine.
Suddenly shy, ATW nods at PP and then heads back to her pile of stuff in the tiny locker room. JL glances over at PP slyly.
PP starts to giggle. Then shrugs playfully as she wraps her wet suit up in her towel.
“See you later!” ATW calls out on her way out the door.
“Yes, see you next time,” PP answers as JL leans over the sink and starts applying her 'face', the make-up unable to hide her delighted grin.
"She likes you," JL observes.
"You think so?" PP teases.
Giggling, JL finishes her face and then washes her hands, her dark eyes sparkling as PP tries not too hard to ignore the tingle in her heart. (Sorry, that's really bad, but PP is tired!)
Monday, September 18, 2006
NETWORKING IN THE HOT TUB
“Your eyes become like petrie dishes.” PP is still contemplating this weird remark as she climbs into the hot tub, freezing, tired and spaced out. How can eyes become pietry dishes? How the hell do you even spell pettry? Granted the woman who’d made the comment while getting dressed in the locker room was chatting about not wearing contacts anymore. But peetree dishes? (PP likes this spelling the best!) Does this mean that the contacts trap all sorts of live little amoeba and bacteria on your eyeball?
Disgusting!
And so, this is what is going thro her brain when the head of Mills College English Dept pops into the Hot Tub. Gives her a hearty smile. Asks how she is.
“You teaching this fall?” Head of Dept asks.
“Yeah….” PP is trying to form some response in her morning post swim haze surrounded by peetree dishes. Opts for a question instead. “How about you?”
”No, I’m on Sabbatical”
PP tries not to sigh and glare too loudly. Can you glare loudly? PP can so she'd better be careful. But a sabbatical? How luxurious! What she could do with a sabbatical! Finish her Trollope Novel. Get it published. Write lots more PP blogs. Watch a ton more bad TV. (Would that count? Sure she could do a ‘Paper” on Soap Opera in Contemporary American Culture as seen thro the eyes of the Victorian Mastermind of the Soap, Anthony Trollope.) It’d be a cutting edge, avant-garde sorta sabbatical. PP often wished she’d chosen that academic path. Now it’s too late. Or she’s just too busy. Going to the pool!
Nodding, PP forces a hopefully ungreen grin. “Are you writing a book?”
she asks Head of Dept.
“Not a book, but an Article.”
“Ummm…..” PP nods again. She gets a whole year off to write an Article? Hell she’d like that gig! “What’s it about?” PP asks.
“George Eliot and the New Testament.”
PP wants to blurt out, “HUH?” but decides against it. Not a smart political move on her part! And as you’ll see, dear readers, politics does come into play here. So it’s a good thing she refrained!
“But it’s turning into what might be a book,” H of Dept continues. “I have so much material.”
PP smiles, I bet, she thinks to herself. “Well, a book would be cool, wouldn’t it?” PP offers.
“Oh yes! A Book out of it would be wonderful! But it is a lot of work. I see my students around campus, I work here on campus cuz it’s the only office I have, and I tell them about my work and then they stare at me glassy-eyed from taking 4 classes, and I think this isn’t a good system! To be taking 4 classes all at once. How do they do it? It gives you a real appreciation for what they do.”
PP nods, “Yeah, I often am amazed by what students can do. I’m teaching a class to international grad students, mostly from Asia, and many of them have been here only a week or two and they’re taking classes, and learning a new language and culture, and somehow getting around San Francisco. It’s amazing!”
Head of Dept nods, the wheels are turning, PP can see this, even thro her chlorine eyes. “What do you teach them? Do they bring in their own writing?”
PP chuckles. “Oh, no! I give them assignments and we go from there! But it’s a difficult bunch sometimes since they are grad students and do have degrees from their home universities, but then they come here and their English is pretty rudimentary….”
”Yes, it can be a challenge.” Head of Dept agrees. “We were thinking about offering
such a course here at Mills, but I’m not sure what happened with it.”
”Really?” PP tries not salivate, tho guesses you wouldn’t be able to see drool in the Hot Tub. “I’d love to teach this course for Mills!”
Head of D nods, “Cool, why don’t you send a resume to the director of ESL, K. S.”
”RS’S daughter?” PP wishes her mom were in academia so she could get cool jobs. On second thought, maybe not.
“Yes, tell her C S suggested you contact her.”
“Wonderful…. Thanks!” PP nods and bobbles her head in wondrous subservient job applicant mode.
“Tell me your name again?”
PP does.
“Great. And just think, if you taught here, then you could go swimming!”
”Yeah!” PP nods, thinking how she swims here already, but maybe it’d be free or she’d get a special faculty card. She loves faculty cards!
PP watches as CS steps outta the hot tub, her square swimmers body dripping in her black suit. How the hell did she get a gig here at Mills with a sabbatical and all?Not that body shape should be the criteria for full time teaching jobs with sabbaticals at snazy private colleges. If that were true....PP glances down at her slender pale thighs and sexy curvy waist. Well, PP would have LOTS of jobs!
Knowing this, PP often wonders what sets her apart. Why she’s not more ‘successful’ in her stupid career?
Oh, maybe cuz she thinks it’s stupid?
Grinning, PP is glad she doesn’t have to go read the New Testament and George Eliot, but gets to go home and write anything she wants instead.
There are some perks to being a near do well bohemian, she thinks. And she might even get a job from it!
Smiling to herself, PP heads into the locker room and spies her stuff piled up next to Amazon Thong Woman.
Yup, things are definitely looking up, she thinks as she has to bend close around ATW to grab her shower stuff, trying not to hard to not stare at her ass …
Disgusting!
And so, this is what is going thro her brain when the head of Mills College English Dept pops into the Hot Tub. Gives her a hearty smile. Asks how she is.
“You teaching this fall?” Head of Dept asks.
“Yeah….” PP is trying to form some response in her morning post swim haze surrounded by peetree dishes. Opts for a question instead. “How about you?”
”No, I’m on Sabbatical”
PP tries not to sigh and glare too loudly. Can you glare loudly? PP can so she'd better be careful. But a sabbatical? How luxurious! What she could do with a sabbatical! Finish her Trollope Novel. Get it published. Write lots more PP blogs. Watch a ton more bad TV. (Would that count? Sure she could do a ‘Paper” on Soap Opera in Contemporary American Culture as seen thro the eyes of the Victorian Mastermind of the Soap, Anthony Trollope.) It’d be a cutting edge, avant-garde sorta sabbatical. PP often wished she’d chosen that academic path. Now it’s too late. Or she’s just too busy. Going to the pool!
Nodding, PP forces a hopefully ungreen grin. “Are you writing a book?”
she asks Head of Dept.
“Not a book, but an Article.”
“Ummm…..” PP nods again. She gets a whole year off to write an Article? Hell she’d like that gig! “What’s it about?” PP asks.
“George Eliot and the New Testament.”
PP wants to blurt out, “HUH?” but decides against it. Not a smart political move on her part! And as you’ll see, dear readers, politics does come into play here. So it’s a good thing she refrained!
“But it’s turning into what might be a book,” H of Dept continues. “I have so much material.”
PP smiles, I bet, she thinks to herself. “Well, a book would be cool, wouldn’t it?” PP offers.
“Oh yes! A Book out of it would be wonderful! But it is a lot of work. I see my students around campus, I work here on campus cuz it’s the only office I have, and I tell them about my work and then they stare at me glassy-eyed from taking 4 classes, and I think this isn’t a good system! To be taking 4 classes all at once. How do they do it? It gives you a real appreciation for what they do.”
PP nods, “Yeah, I often am amazed by what students can do. I’m teaching a class to international grad students, mostly from Asia, and many of them have been here only a week or two and they’re taking classes, and learning a new language and culture, and somehow getting around San Francisco. It’s amazing!”
Head of Dept nods, the wheels are turning, PP can see this, even thro her chlorine eyes. “What do you teach them? Do they bring in their own writing?”
PP chuckles. “Oh, no! I give them assignments and we go from there! But it’s a difficult bunch sometimes since they are grad students and do have degrees from their home universities, but then they come here and their English is pretty rudimentary….”
”Yes, it can be a challenge.” Head of Dept agrees. “We were thinking about offering
such a course here at Mills, but I’m not sure what happened with it.”
”Really?” PP tries not salivate, tho guesses you wouldn’t be able to see drool in the Hot Tub. “I’d love to teach this course for Mills!”
Head of D nods, “Cool, why don’t you send a resume to the director of ESL, K. S.”
”RS’S daughter?” PP wishes her mom were in academia so she could get cool jobs. On second thought, maybe not.
“Yes, tell her C S suggested you contact her.”
“Wonderful…. Thanks!” PP nods and bobbles her head in wondrous subservient job applicant mode.
“Tell me your name again?”
PP does.
“Great. And just think, if you taught here, then you could go swimming!”
”Yeah!” PP nods, thinking how she swims here already, but maybe it’d be free or she’d get a special faculty card. She loves faculty cards!
PP watches as CS steps outta the hot tub, her square swimmers body dripping in her black suit. How the hell did she get a gig here at Mills with a sabbatical and all?Not that body shape should be the criteria for full time teaching jobs with sabbaticals at snazy private colleges. If that were true....PP glances down at her slender pale thighs and sexy curvy waist. Well, PP would have LOTS of jobs!
Knowing this, PP often wonders what sets her apart. Why she’s not more ‘successful’ in her stupid career?
Oh, maybe cuz she thinks it’s stupid?
Grinning, PP is glad she doesn’t have to go read the New Testament and George Eliot, but gets to go home and write anything she wants instead.
There are some perks to being a near do well bohemian, she thinks. And she might even get a job from it!
Smiling to herself, PP heads into the locker room and spies her stuff piled up next to Amazon Thong Woman.
Yup, things are definitely looking up, she thinks as she has to bend close around ATW to grab her shower stuff, trying not to hard to not stare at her ass …
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Go to Calistoga! Drink Milkshakes!
Suffice it to say, PP is NOT a morning kitty! Any activity before 10 a.m. makes her more than slightly nauseous! This includes swimming. How the hell can all these swimmers be here, at 8:15 in the morning, working out with the goddamn swim team?
It is beyond her!
Sticking her toes gingerly in the shady water, she lets out a kitty shriek as B.S (Does he realize his initials are this? He must!) swims up to the wall, giving her a hearty smile! “HEY!!! How are you?” He stops for a moment, sparkling handsome eyes on her. This might not be so bad, PP thinks if cute B.S, the vivacious conductor of the S.F. Chamber orchestra is here, eyeing her up and down.
“It’s COLD…..” PP whines to him, taking her toes back out.
He nods, grinning up at her. “You need more body fat. You could gain about 20 lbs. Go to Calistoga. Drink Milkshakes!”
Nodding, PP smiles, drink milkshakes in Calistoga? How odd. But she does have her ear plugs in. Maybe she missed something? PP likes to partake of fine red wines while in Calistoga, which might actually accomplish the same thing as far as weight gain is concerned plus have the added benefit of a great tasting high!
“I’m almost done!” he hollers up at her. “ Then it’s all yours!” B.S. turns and starts off in a manly splash.
Dubiously, PP puts her fins on for added speed in the freezing cold, her nausea warning her off. She watches for a minute as B.S. clomps back. Can you clomp in the pool? B.S. can. It’s really quite impressive! It’s like a frog kick but his strong legs come clomping out on top of the water, making for much splashy activity! PP sighs as she tries to figure out how to swim around him. Or maybe she could just accidentally swim into him? Just a little bit…..
Yeah. He wouldn’t mind.
At least not till she gains that 20 lbs!
PP grins as she hops into the icy water and zips up the lane, barely missing B.S.
Yup, swimming in the mornings might not be so bad after all, she thinks, as she pauses to turn at the wall and head back in his direction!
It is beyond her!
Sticking her toes gingerly in the shady water, she lets out a kitty shriek as B.S (Does he realize his initials are this? He must!) swims up to the wall, giving her a hearty smile! “HEY!!! How are you?” He stops for a moment, sparkling handsome eyes on her. This might not be so bad, PP thinks if cute B.S, the vivacious conductor of the S.F. Chamber orchestra is here, eyeing her up and down.
“It’s COLD…..” PP whines to him, taking her toes back out.
He nods, grinning up at her. “You need more body fat. You could gain about 20 lbs. Go to Calistoga. Drink Milkshakes!”
Nodding, PP smiles, drink milkshakes in Calistoga? How odd. But she does have her ear plugs in. Maybe she missed something? PP likes to partake of fine red wines while in Calistoga, which might actually accomplish the same thing as far as weight gain is concerned plus have the added benefit of a great tasting high!
“I’m almost done!” he hollers up at her. “ Then it’s all yours!” B.S. turns and starts off in a manly splash.
Dubiously, PP puts her fins on for added speed in the freezing cold, her nausea warning her off. She watches for a minute as B.S. clomps back. Can you clomp in the pool? B.S. can. It’s really quite impressive! It’s like a frog kick but his strong legs come clomping out on top of the water, making for much splashy activity! PP sighs as she tries to figure out how to swim around him. Or maybe she could just accidentally swim into him? Just a little bit…..
Yeah. He wouldn’t mind.
At least not till she gains that 20 lbs!
PP grins as she hops into the icy water and zips up the lane, barely missing B.S.
Yup, swimming in the mornings might not be so bad after all, she thinks, as she pauses to turn at the wall and head back in his direction!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
A Try Of The Oakland Y
“What language are you speaking?” Crooked Swimming Lane Sharing Woman asks as she climbs naked into the hot tub. All the women are naked here at the Oakland Y Hot Tub, a distinct advantage over Mills? PP is unsure as she watches the two Mystery Language Women smile in wonder.
“Is it Ethiopian?” CSLS Woman persists, smiling sweetly, her sagging breasts submerging into the bubbling water.
Nodding and smiling in delight, Mystery Talking Women grin widely, “Yes, yes it is!”
PP stares in admiration. Sure CSLSW couldn’t swim, but she could identify mystery languages. A rare talent. Especially after a swim!
Wow! Maybe the Oakland Y might have some good stories after all.
PP climbs outa the hot tub, worried about the meter. This is the major drawback to swimming here. She’d had to put $3 worth of quarters in the meter out on Broadway Auto Row. Why the hell did they rename it Broadway Auto Row anyway? Isn’t it obvious to anyone driving down the road that that’s what it is?
So, PP is trying out the Y cuz…well…remember the skin cancer scare? It was real. PP is gonna be fine, but she needs to stay outta the midday sun. Hence the search for an indoor pool. The Oakland Y was the only one she could think of….so….here she was, on a beautiful sunny September afternoon, inside the faintly decrepit Oakland Y listening to Ethiopian in the Hot Tub.
PP thinks this could be okay. There’s something vaguely international about Oakland anyway, isn’t there? Glancing around the locker room she sees a couple Chinese women, a smattering of mid aged white women, a most impressive African American Rotund Queen, her mounds of flesh folding upon themselves as she sits exhausted on the side of the hot tub, her breasts blending into her layers of belly flesh. PP tries not to stare. But not too hard. She is amazing. Reminds her of the life drawing charcoal sketches her mom had lining the garage in Hacienda Heights. “Large women make much better models” she remembers her mom saying.
Gazing at AAR Queen, PP can see why.
Out in the pool, PP has a fine swim. Has her own lane till CSLSW gets in and they almost collide. But this is okay. PP is just happy not to be worrying about the sun killing her.
And of course she makes new friends so easily. Mole Man has been ogling her for 40 minutes from the next lane, standing mostly at the wall showing off his large moley back. PP is obsessed with everyone’s moles now. But thinks she’ll write about this later. For now, MM just hollers at her, “Hey! You’re GOOD! I love watching you swim!”
Turning at the wall, PP good-naturedly thanks him as she shakes her head underwater. How does her weirdo magnet work so quickly? This is only her first time here and already she’s got MM admiring her.
Damn!
Finishing up her laps, PP hops outta the pool just in time to miss pudgy Latino kid in too big Red Trunks getting into her lane. See, she’s right about the international aspect of the place. African, Chinese, Latino, White and Moles…is that an ethnicity?
PP thinks so as she heads into the locker room to shower and hurry back out to Broadway Auto Row before the Geo gets a ticket!
“Is it Ethiopian?” CSLS Woman persists, smiling sweetly, her sagging breasts submerging into the bubbling water.
Nodding and smiling in delight, Mystery Talking Women grin widely, “Yes, yes it is!”
PP stares in admiration. Sure CSLSW couldn’t swim, but she could identify mystery languages. A rare talent. Especially after a swim!
Wow! Maybe the Oakland Y might have some good stories after all.
PP climbs outa the hot tub, worried about the meter. This is the major drawback to swimming here. She’d had to put $3 worth of quarters in the meter out on Broadway Auto Row. Why the hell did they rename it Broadway Auto Row anyway? Isn’t it obvious to anyone driving down the road that that’s what it is?
So, PP is trying out the Y cuz…well…remember the skin cancer scare? It was real. PP is gonna be fine, but she needs to stay outta the midday sun. Hence the search for an indoor pool. The Oakland Y was the only one she could think of….so….here she was, on a beautiful sunny September afternoon, inside the faintly decrepit Oakland Y listening to Ethiopian in the Hot Tub.
PP thinks this could be okay. There’s something vaguely international about Oakland anyway, isn’t there? Glancing around the locker room she sees a couple Chinese women, a smattering of mid aged white women, a most impressive African American Rotund Queen, her mounds of flesh folding upon themselves as she sits exhausted on the side of the hot tub, her breasts blending into her layers of belly flesh. PP tries not to stare. But not too hard. She is amazing. Reminds her of the life drawing charcoal sketches her mom had lining the garage in Hacienda Heights. “Large women make much better models” she remembers her mom saying.
Gazing at AAR Queen, PP can see why.
Out in the pool, PP has a fine swim. Has her own lane till CSLSW gets in and they almost collide. But this is okay. PP is just happy not to be worrying about the sun killing her.
And of course she makes new friends so easily. Mole Man has been ogling her for 40 minutes from the next lane, standing mostly at the wall showing off his large moley back. PP is obsessed with everyone’s moles now. But thinks she’ll write about this later. For now, MM just hollers at her, “Hey! You’re GOOD! I love watching you swim!”
Turning at the wall, PP good-naturedly thanks him as she shakes her head underwater. How does her weirdo magnet work so quickly? This is only her first time here and already she’s got MM admiring her.
Damn!
Finishing up her laps, PP hops outta the pool just in time to miss pudgy Latino kid in too big Red Trunks getting into her lane. See, she’s right about the international aspect of the place. African, Chinese, Latino, White and Moles…is that an ethnicity?
PP thinks so as she heads into the locker room to shower and hurry back out to Broadway Auto Row before the Geo gets a ticket!
Friday, August 18, 2006
WILLARD RAT RACE
Swimming in the foggy dusk at Willard Jr. High, PP stops and pauses to put on her fins, spacing out at the far end of the pool. Spies a gray round scurrying fuzzy ball under the benches next to the ivy hillside on the opposite side of the pool.
Shit. Is that a RAT?
Disgusting!
PP slips on her fins and swims to get a closer look. Reaching the end, she pulls herself up slightly onto the deck and ….yup…it’s a BIG RAT!
Should she say anything to the always distracted lifeguards? (One is haphazardly sweeping, the other is messing with his goddamn cell phone.)
PP sighs. Decides against notifying the authorities as “Willard” slithers under the bench and into some secret hideaway in the rocky wall. (Remember that movie? ) O H brings it up later that evening. All those RATS on the wild; lose & killing and maiming small children? Or is that just PP’s fantasy? Anyway, it’s pretty funny that she’s swimming at Willard Pool and Willard the Rat is the pool guardian.
As she swims back to the other side, PP thinks how she’s really glad that she didn’t put her clothes and towel next to Willard’s Spot. EEEGADS! Imagine! Taking up your green pool bag and hanging it up in the locker room and then taking your shower, drying off, reaching for your jeans and out pops….
WILLARD!!!!!
PP definitely has that Female Archetypal fear of rodents! Remembers the time she was sitting on the toilet at Avenue Books, can you be more vulnerable? When suddenly a little mouse, (Not a Big Willard) had run out from under the floorboards and between her legs.
A murderous shriek does not even begin to describe her reaction.
So, now, when she envisions Willard in her pants….well….she’s just supurr glad that her jeans are on the other side of the pool!
Later that evening, she goes to the Chandler apt to have dinner with her Ex, the infamous author/poet/ book clerk Owen Hell (Typo, but PP likes it) and he reminds her of the movie Willard. They start laughing as PP begins to imagine how the Rats are gonna take over the pool once it’s closed.
OH joins in. “They can have little relay races.”
PP giggles.
“And you can call them Rat Races!” he continues.
PP claps in delight. “And they can have little Rat Water Aerobics, and Rat Family Swims, and Rat Swim lessons and Rat WSI Classes and Rat Pool Birthday Parties….
Why no wonder it’s called Willard Pool!” PP exclaims.
The Rats RULE after dark!
Later, OH takes PP home, driving down a Darkened Telegraph Ave past Willard Pool. The both smile.
“Wonder what the Rats are up to right now?” PP muses.
“Oh, they’re just having some RAT Margaritas at the Rat Swim Up Bar and then dancing the Rat Dance under the Pool Covers!” O guesses.
Cracking up, they wait for the signal to turn. PP glances back at Willard Pool.
Was that a disco beat she heard? A flashing strobe light? Fireworks?
Hell, those RATS know how to party when the Pool Puss is away!
Shit. Is that a RAT?
Disgusting!
PP slips on her fins and swims to get a closer look. Reaching the end, she pulls herself up slightly onto the deck and ….yup…it’s a BIG RAT!
Should she say anything to the always distracted lifeguards? (One is haphazardly sweeping, the other is messing with his goddamn cell phone.)
PP sighs. Decides against notifying the authorities as “Willard” slithers under the bench and into some secret hideaway in the rocky wall. (Remember that movie? ) O H brings it up later that evening. All those RATS on the wild; lose & killing and maiming small children? Or is that just PP’s fantasy? Anyway, it’s pretty funny that she’s swimming at Willard Pool and Willard the Rat is the pool guardian.
As she swims back to the other side, PP thinks how she’s really glad that she didn’t put her clothes and towel next to Willard’s Spot. EEEGADS! Imagine! Taking up your green pool bag and hanging it up in the locker room and then taking your shower, drying off, reaching for your jeans and out pops….
WILLARD!!!!!
PP definitely has that Female Archetypal fear of rodents! Remembers the time she was sitting on the toilet at Avenue Books, can you be more vulnerable? When suddenly a little mouse, (Not a Big Willard) had run out from under the floorboards and between her legs.
A murderous shriek does not even begin to describe her reaction.
So, now, when she envisions Willard in her pants….well….she’s just supurr glad that her jeans are on the other side of the pool!
Later that evening, she goes to the Chandler apt to have dinner with her Ex, the infamous author/poet/ book clerk Owen Hell (Typo, but PP likes it) and he reminds her of the movie Willard. They start laughing as PP begins to imagine how the Rats are gonna take over the pool once it’s closed.
OH joins in. “They can have little relay races.”
PP giggles.
“And you can call them Rat Races!” he continues.
PP claps in delight. “And they can have little Rat Water Aerobics, and Rat Family Swims, and Rat Swim lessons and Rat WSI Classes and Rat Pool Birthday Parties….
Why no wonder it’s called Willard Pool!” PP exclaims.
The Rats RULE after dark!
Later, OH takes PP home, driving down a Darkened Telegraph Ave past Willard Pool. The both smile.
“Wonder what the Rats are up to right now?” PP muses.
“Oh, they’re just having some RAT Margaritas at the Rat Swim Up Bar and then dancing the Rat Dance under the Pool Covers!” O guesses.
Cracking up, they wait for the signal to turn. PP glances back at Willard Pool.
Was that a disco beat she heard? A flashing strobe light? Fireworks?
Hell, those RATS know how to party when the Pool Puss is away!
Monday, August 14, 2006
A Mutual of Omaha Moment
“Hey! Did you see THAT???” PP hollers to JL as she points to the roof of one of the big houses on Hillegass on the way home from the pool. (Have patience, Dear Readers, this is a POOL Story of more than just a ride home from Mills. Which by the way was lovely. The screaming obnoxious terrors, most call them children, were thankfully absent this morn. The peace was deafening and unfamiliar. PP and JL had had a lovely, dreamy swim with only 4!!! people in the pool.)
But now, PP spies what looks like a VULTURE atop this big house’s pointy roof. He looks like an oversized hood ornament as he surveys the scene from his mansion perch. JL has made a U turn and we’re now parked out front of the Vulture’s Stakeout. PP gets outta the car as JL turns off the ignition.
Gingerly, PP inches up the sidewalk, trying not to scare off the Big Bird. But then watches as he flaps his wings and takes off, just as a Cute Guy comes out onto the lawn.
“Did you see that?” PP asks him.
Cute Guy grins at her. PP would blush if she were 20 years younger. “Yeah….”
“What was it? A Vulture? I didn’t know we even had Vultures around here.”
“I think it was a Buzzard,” CG asserts, tossing a shock of bleached blonde hair blindingly at PP. “Cuz that bird had a red head. Vultures have black heads and Buzzards have red heads.”
“Ah… Well then…I didn’t know we had Buzzards around here.”
CG laughs. “Yeah, I haven’t seen one since I fell asleep in the pool on my floaty and woke up with one circling overhead!” (SEE, A POOL STORY!)
“Ah…”PP nods. A Buzzard Expert.
“Good thing you woke up!” JL laughs.
“Yeah…it was.”
“Hey, Dude, did you get the DVD?” ANOTHER Cute guy emerges from the big house, on crutches, which makes him even more endearing. Followed by a handsome grey haired gent, the dad? PP heads back to the car as Cute Guy and Cute Crutch Guy powwow over the DVD selection as Handsome Dad picks up a hose or something…PP can’t tell……she’s too distracted by all the testosterone.
Back in the car, JL announces how Cute they all were. PP has to agree.
“Esp. the older guy,” JL grins. PP thinks this is a good sign. “But he was married.”
”How do you know?”
“I can tell.”
“But you didn’t even see his ring finger….”
JL smiles mysteriously. PP always wonders how single women can tell upon first glance whether or not a guy is married. It must be some sort of protective radar. Maybe since PP has only been single for about 8 months in the last 25 years, she’s lost this ability. Or she never had it. Since being married was always what had attracted her. Unavailable? Let her at him!
“That was such a Mutual of Omaha Moment!” JL quips, giggling in delight.
“Yeah…it certainly was.” PP agrees, but wonders if JL is talking about the Big Buzzard or another kind of Big Game that got away!
But now, PP spies what looks like a VULTURE atop this big house’s pointy roof. He looks like an oversized hood ornament as he surveys the scene from his mansion perch. JL has made a U turn and we’re now parked out front of the Vulture’s Stakeout. PP gets outta the car as JL turns off the ignition.
Gingerly, PP inches up the sidewalk, trying not to scare off the Big Bird. But then watches as he flaps his wings and takes off, just as a Cute Guy comes out onto the lawn.
“Did you see that?” PP asks him.
Cute Guy grins at her. PP would blush if she were 20 years younger. “Yeah….”
“What was it? A Vulture? I didn’t know we even had Vultures around here.”
“I think it was a Buzzard,” CG asserts, tossing a shock of bleached blonde hair blindingly at PP. “Cuz that bird had a red head. Vultures have black heads and Buzzards have red heads.”
“Ah… Well then…I didn’t know we had Buzzards around here.”
CG laughs. “Yeah, I haven’t seen one since I fell asleep in the pool on my floaty and woke up with one circling overhead!” (SEE, A POOL STORY!)
“Ah…”PP nods. A Buzzard Expert.
“Good thing you woke up!” JL laughs.
“Yeah…it was.”
“Hey, Dude, did you get the DVD?” ANOTHER Cute guy emerges from the big house, on crutches, which makes him even more endearing. Followed by a handsome grey haired gent, the dad? PP heads back to the car as Cute Guy and Cute Crutch Guy powwow over the DVD selection as Handsome Dad picks up a hose or something…PP can’t tell……she’s too distracted by all the testosterone.
Back in the car, JL announces how Cute they all were. PP has to agree.
“Esp. the older guy,” JL grins. PP thinks this is a good sign. “But he was married.”
”How do you know?”
“I can tell.”
“But you didn’t even see his ring finger….”
JL smiles mysteriously. PP always wonders how single women can tell upon first glance whether or not a guy is married. It must be some sort of protective radar. Maybe since PP has only been single for about 8 months in the last 25 years, she’s lost this ability. Or she never had it. Since being married was always what had attracted her. Unavailable? Let her at him!
“That was such a Mutual of Omaha Moment!” JL quips, giggling in delight.
“Yeah…it certainly was.” PP agrees, but wonders if JL is talking about the Big Buzzard or another kind of Big Game that got away!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
What this neighborhood needs is a Pool!
Okay, fans, technically this isn’t a Pool story, but bear with PP. A pool could be the answer!
Last night, PP attended her neighborhood Block Party to get to know her neighbors and discuss really stupid stuff like earthquake preparedness (like PP doesn’t have more pressing worries!) and what to do about the motorcycle terrorists on 63rd St. (Okay, they’re not real terrorists, but PP sees them as such since they terrorize her with their obnoxious NOISE (“Nuisance” according to the neighborhood survey), trespassing and all around grossness!
But that’s another story that PP doesn’t think a pool can help.
However, class warfare? PP thinks a pool is the answer!
Sitting on the curb in the chilly dusk, the neighbors are going around the circle introducing themselves and adding little or big asides about their time here in our beautiful neighborhood. All of them have to identify how long they’ve been living in the neighborhood and whether they own or rent their abodes. PP frowns at the survey she’s required to fill out to create a neighborhood ‘Crime Watch’ list—Rent? Own? Why is this important?
PP is about to find out!
Pompous Professorial Pudge bellows out after listening to various whining about Royal Coffee blocking the sidewalk and the motorcycles racing hazardly down the street, and delivery trucks idling outside our windows for hours and hours and hours.
“As the necessary and always appreciated voice of dissention,” Pompous Prof begins, “I revel in the intellectual climate that the coffee house and various shops elicit. I embrace the noise and commotion that such an atmosphere engenders. Without the coffee house, we would not have this valuable intellectual exchange that makes our neighborhood such a unique treasure. I relish the diversity that our neighborhood attracts.” (PP glances around the group of middle aged/ elderly white homeowners with a smattering of white, mostly young professional, renters. One African American retired engineer, one Latina ‘domestic’ –this is diversity?) “If you want quiet,” Pompous Prof continues, “move to Orinda!” (like PP could afford that!)
There is much nodding in agreement, followed by appreciative applause. PP shakes her head. What an idiot! Obviously he doesn’t live next door to Royal coffee, nor does he have various undesirables trespassing in his yard!
Ah! But thank goodness for PP’s fiery neighbor, Miss K! She steps forward, her long grey hair flowing magnificently behind her as she takes a deep breath and with an imperious wave of her hand, begins: “Let me just point out!” She pauses and glares at Pompous Prof. “IT IS VERY DIFFERENT TO LIVE IN A BIG HOUSE ON THAT END OF THE STEET (She sweeps her hand majestically down the street toward the HOMEOWNERS mansions ) YOU obviously do NOT live on our end of the block next door to the coffee shop and across the street from the forever idling trucks. We must suffer not only the trash, noise and congested sidewalks resulting from the café and shops, but our property (well, actually it’s not our property, but PP will get to this) is constantly subjected to trespassers changing their babies’ diapers on our front porches; parking their SUV’s in our driveway; shitting in our bushes!” She glances around, the crowd is sitting rapt. Go Miss K, PP purrs! “All is not a cozy idealized intellectual habitat that you describe from where we sit! And those of you who live in the Big Houses down the street should realize that OUR World if very Different from YOUR world.”
PP applauds. Is joined by the few other renters. Pompous Prof makes no response but sits up straighter in his folding chair. His white intellectual hair standing on end. (Okay, PP is making that up, but you get the idea!)
Miss K finishes her speech with a final glare at Pompous Prof, before turning and stalking out of the party, her mane of hair flowing majestically behind her.
Various neighbors start to chatter again about the nuisance of the garbage trucks and the too fast motorists as PP thinks to herself.
What this neighborhood needs is a Pool!
Why a pool would certainly solve this class warfare, esp. if it were installed in PP’s and Miss K’s compound and we only allowed Renters to use it! (Oh, yeah, I bet Pompous Prof would say he doesn’t like to swim. No intellectual exchange in the pool. HAH! What the hell does HE know!)
And so, PP thinks she’s gonna pass around a petition and get the neighbors to contribute to a Pool Fund. Everyone will be required to contribute based on the assessed value of their home. Pompous Prof, therefore, in his huge Mansion worth over a million dollars today even though he paid only $22,000 for it in 1972, will have to contribute the most, say $22,000? While PP and friends would contribute sunscreen and their landladies’ property. Such a Pool would definitely raise the value of the neighborhood to have such a lovely spot to swim in under the magnificent pines of PP’s compound!
What do you think?
PP is gonna start today. Such a project will take time and energy, but for the neighborhood’s sake, she’ll take the plunge!
Last night, PP attended her neighborhood Block Party to get to know her neighbors and discuss really stupid stuff like earthquake preparedness (like PP doesn’t have more pressing worries!) and what to do about the motorcycle terrorists on 63rd St. (Okay, they’re not real terrorists, but PP sees them as such since they terrorize her with their obnoxious NOISE (“Nuisance” according to the neighborhood survey), trespassing and all around grossness!
But that’s another story that PP doesn’t think a pool can help.
However, class warfare? PP thinks a pool is the answer!
Sitting on the curb in the chilly dusk, the neighbors are going around the circle introducing themselves and adding little or big asides about their time here in our beautiful neighborhood. All of them have to identify how long they’ve been living in the neighborhood and whether they own or rent their abodes. PP frowns at the survey she’s required to fill out to create a neighborhood ‘Crime Watch’ list—Rent? Own? Why is this important?
PP is about to find out!
Pompous Professorial Pudge bellows out after listening to various whining about Royal Coffee blocking the sidewalk and the motorcycles racing hazardly down the street, and delivery trucks idling outside our windows for hours and hours and hours.
“As the necessary and always appreciated voice of dissention,” Pompous Prof begins, “I revel in the intellectual climate that the coffee house and various shops elicit. I embrace the noise and commotion that such an atmosphere engenders. Without the coffee house, we would not have this valuable intellectual exchange that makes our neighborhood such a unique treasure. I relish the diversity that our neighborhood attracts.” (PP glances around the group of middle aged/ elderly white homeowners with a smattering of white, mostly young professional, renters. One African American retired engineer, one Latina ‘domestic’ –this is diversity?) “If you want quiet,” Pompous Prof continues, “move to Orinda!” (like PP could afford that!)
There is much nodding in agreement, followed by appreciative applause. PP shakes her head. What an idiot! Obviously he doesn’t live next door to Royal coffee, nor does he have various undesirables trespassing in his yard!
Ah! But thank goodness for PP’s fiery neighbor, Miss K! She steps forward, her long grey hair flowing magnificently behind her as she takes a deep breath and with an imperious wave of her hand, begins: “Let me just point out!” She pauses and glares at Pompous Prof. “IT IS VERY DIFFERENT TO LIVE IN A BIG HOUSE ON THAT END OF THE STEET (She sweeps her hand majestically down the street toward the HOMEOWNERS mansions ) YOU obviously do NOT live on our end of the block next door to the coffee shop and across the street from the forever idling trucks. We must suffer not only the trash, noise and congested sidewalks resulting from the café and shops, but our property (well, actually it’s not our property, but PP will get to this) is constantly subjected to trespassers changing their babies’ diapers on our front porches; parking their SUV’s in our driveway; shitting in our bushes!” She glances around, the crowd is sitting rapt. Go Miss K, PP purrs! “All is not a cozy idealized intellectual habitat that you describe from where we sit! And those of you who live in the Big Houses down the street should realize that OUR World if very Different from YOUR world.”
PP applauds. Is joined by the few other renters. Pompous Prof makes no response but sits up straighter in his folding chair. His white intellectual hair standing on end. (Okay, PP is making that up, but you get the idea!)
Miss K finishes her speech with a final glare at Pompous Prof, before turning and stalking out of the party, her mane of hair flowing majestically behind her.
Various neighbors start to chatter again about the nuisance of the garbage trucks and the too fast motorists as PP thinks to herself.
What this neighborhood needs is a Pool!
Why a pool would certainly solve this class warfare, esp. if it were installed in PP’s and Miss K’s compound and we only allowed Renters to use it! (Oh, yeah, I bet Pompous Prof would say he doesn’t like to swim. No intellectual exchange in the pool. HAH! What the hell does HE know!)
And so, PP thinks she’s gonna pass around a petition and get the neighbors to contribute to a Pool Fund. Everyone will be required to contribute based on the assessed value of their home. Pompous Prof, therefore, in his huge Mansion worth over a million dollars today even though he paid only $22,000 for it in 1972, will have to contribute the most, say $22,000? While PP and friends would contribute sunscreen and their landladies’ property. Such a Pool would definitely raise the value of the neighborhood to have such a lovely spot to swim in under the magnificent pines of PP’s compound!
What do you think?
PP is gonna start today. Such a project will take time and energy, but for the neighborhood’s sake, she’ll take the plunge!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
On the Lam at the Pool?
"My daughter’s missing." The Kirby Puckett of Berkeley holds up a flyer to the pool guy as PP leaves Willard Jr. High's dreary locker room. "Can I hang this in here?" he asks at the front door, peering inside, distressed beads of sweat gathered on his smooth forehead.
"Uh....I don’t think so...I don’t think we can hang flyers up here...." Stupid Pool Guard holds the front door open for conversation, but just barely.
"MY DAUGHTER’S MISSING! SHE HANGS AROUND HERE SOMETIMES...." Kirby repeats, exasperated.
PP glares at SPG. Let the guy hang his flyer you dumb idiot! Isn’t This flyer a no brainer? Like if someone’s kid is missing, don’t you just help them if you can? And isn’t hanging a flyer at Willard Jr. High Pool not asking much? Jeeeezzzz! PP can’t believe the stupidity of Youth sometimes as she tries to sneak past them, glancing at the flyer herself, "Runaway Teen...." she can’t read what else, but sees snapshot of pretty African American girl smiling.
Kirby Puckett continues to hold the flyer in the pool attendants face, who finally relents, "Uh... I guess it’s okay....but someone else might take it down."
"She hangs around here sometimes," Kirby asserts as he gets the tape out and starts to post the flyer.
PP nods in approval. If she were running away, the pool is where she’d go! Maybe it wouldn’t be the best place to hide, but she’d at least get a swim in while on the lam!
Now, why didn’t she ever think of that when she was a teenager?
Damn!
Shaking her head, she scrurries past the line of homeless guys waiting for the free shower program. They nod to her, munching on dubiously wrapped food as she makes her way back up Derby St. toward home.
PP hopes Kirby finds his daughter, but a bigger part of her hopes the daughter gets to escape to the pool for at least a little while!
"Uh....I don’t think so...I don’t think we can hang flyers up here...." Stupid Pool Guard holds the front door open for conversation, but just barely.
"MY DAUGHTER’S MISSING! SHE HANGS AROUND HERE SOMETIMES...." Kirby repeats, exasperated.
PP glares at SPG. Let the guy hang his flyer you dumb idiot! Isn’t This flyer a no brainer? Like if someone’s kid is missing, don’t you just help them if you can? And isn’t hanging a flyer at Willard Jr. High Pool not asking much? Jeeeezzzz! PP can’t believe the stupidity of Youth sometimes as she tries to sneak past them, glancing at the flyer herself, "Runaway Teen...." she can’t read what else, but sees snapshot of pretty African American girl smiling.
Kirby Puckett continues to hold the flyer in the pool attendants face, who finally relents, "Uh... I guess it’s okay....but someone else might take it down."
"She hangs around here sometimes," Kirby asserts as he gets the tape out and starts to post the flyer.
PP nods in approval. If she were running away, the pool is where she’d go! Maybe it wouldn’t be the best place to hide, but she’d at least get a swim in while on the lam!
Now, why didn’t she ever think of that when she was a teenager?
Damn!
Shaking her head, she scrurries past the line of homeless guys waiting for the free shower program. They nod to her, munching on dubiously wrapped food as she makes her way back up Derby St. toward home.
PP hopes Kirby finds his daughter, but a bigger part of her hopes the daughter gets to escape to the pool for at least a little while!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
POOL STUDS DRINK CHAMPAGNE? OH MY!
“Christina let me off the hook with the Baby. I just wasn’t into the Dad Thing and she knew it. What with the diaper changing, feeding, blah blah blah…..plus I have to work. Well, it just wasn’t for me. Plus it really cut into my social life. Being a dad.”
Pool Pussy is eavesdropping again. Part of her never-ending research for her blog. Today, it’s soooo hot. Of course she revels in the heat as any cat would, but had to seek shade cuz of the stupid skin cancer sore.
Fortunately, the kindly crew at Mills had erected the shade tarps, and wow! What a wondrous sight PP spies as she comes outta the locker room. Two pool studs doing crunch sit ups (is that what they’re called?). Very impressive! PP had to get a closer look. And she had the excuse of their exercise area being under the shade tarps. What luck!
Hot and bothered, PP can never get enough of the Heat—oh she’s only talking about the air temperature. The two Pool Studs were way too young for her, of course. Tho the Anti Dad one was a bit older. African American Stud. His friend, slighter, whiter, and blonde. Nice pair, PP thinks as she plops down next to them.
“And this dad thing…..it really makes me feel old.” PP scoffs as she smears on SPF 45 sunscreen over her paper thin menopausal bad skin.
“Yeah.” The younger one agrees, having zero clue about being a dad or aging.
“And another thing” Anti dad continues, while still crunching those abs, “I really feel it when I drink anything and then try to swim the next morning. Like last night, I only had a couple beers and two glasses of champagne, but hell, I felt it this morning when I got in the water.”
PP turns and stares openly. Did he really say champagne? Do Pool Studs drink champagne? My my my! Now why she thinks this is so unusual is difficult to pinpoint. So she’s gonna write about it.
Isn’t champagne for weddings? Or girlie celebrations? Like you know, bachelorette parties? It’s such a foofoo drink. Doesn’t seem like a hot muscular pool stud would partake of such a beverage. Especially at the expense of his workout the next day.
But hell, maybe he was celebrating being let off the hook by Christina? Yeah, that does seem like cause for celebration! No babies! Yeah! Drink the bubbly and let’s party hearty. (Sorry, PP can’t believe she just wrote that but it goes with the mood here, under the shade tarp.)
PP is getting a bit hot and bothered herself. The fantasies are starting to take over. 3 ways have always been one of them. Two guys and a girl, namely her. Now, these two...Well! With their chiseled six packs and hard muscled limbs and tight asses and ohhh my...!!!PP is gonna hafta take a break!
Time to plunge into the cooling pool before she gets way too HOT!
Donning her sexy, oh come on, it could be viewed as sexy, skin tight spf 50 pool cover-up over her orange and turquoise bikini, PP rises unsteadily and saunters over to the pool.
The studs are suddenly quiet. Watching her?
PP smiles, as she drops into the cooling turquoise.
Only in her fantasy.
Or is it?
Still smiling underwater, PP begins her languid workout, taking long slow strokes in the purrfect 84 degree water.
Opening her eyes underwater for a moment, she glances down at the bottom of the pool. Why! There’s a party going on. With the Two Pool Studs hosting a myriad of bikini girls, toasting the morning with champagne and …..
Okay, enough. PP does, after all, have a workout to get through.
Though a glass of champagne with the Pool Studs doesn’t sound half bad as she comes to the end of the wall and turns to start her way back.
Pool Pussy is eavesdropping again. Part of her never-ending research for her blog. Today, it’s soooo hot. Of course she revels in the heat as any cat would, but had to seek shade cuz of the stupid skin cancer sore.
Fortunately, the kindly crew at Mills had erected the shade tarps, and wow! What a wondrous sight PP spies as she comes outta the locker room. Two pool studs doing crunch sit ups (is that what they’re called?). Very impressive! PP had to get a closer look. And she had the excuse of their exercise area being under the shade tarps. What luck!
Hot and bothered, PP can never get enough of the Heat—oh she’s only talking about the air temperature. The two Pool Studs were way too young for her, of course. Tho the Anti Dad one was a bit older. African American Stud. His friend, slighter, whiter, and blonde. Nice pair, PP thinks as she plops down next to them.
“And this dad thing…..it really makes me feel old.” PP scoffs as she smears on SPF 45 sunscreen over her paper thin menopausal bad skin.
“Yeah.” The younger one agrees, having zero clue about being a dad or aging.
“And another thing” Anti dad continues, while still crunching those abs, “I really feel it when I drink anything and then try to swim the next morning. Like last night, I only had a couple beers and two glasses of champagne, but hell, I felt it this morning when I got in the water.”
PP turns and stares openly. Did he really say champagne? Do Pool Studs drink champagne? My my my! Now why she thinks this is so unusual is difficult to pinpoint. So she’s gonna write about it.
Isn’t champagne for weddings? Or girlie celebrations? Like you know, bachelorette parties? It’s such a foofoo drink. Doesn’t seem like a hot muscular pool stud would partake of such a beverage. Especially at the expense of his workout the next day.
But hell, maybe he was celebrating being let off the hook by Christina? Yeah, that does seem like cause for celebration! No babies! Yeah! Drink the bubbly and let’s party hearty. (Sorry, PP can’t believe she just wrote that but it goes with the mood here, under the shade tarp.)
PP is getting a bit hot and bothered herself. The fantasies are starting to take over. 3 ways have always been one of them. Two guys and a girl, namely her. Now, these two...Well! With their chiseled six packs and hard muscled limbs and tight asses and ohhh my...!!!PP is gonna hafta take a break!
Time to plunge into the cooling pool before she gets way too HOT!
Donning her sexy, oh come on, it could be viewed as sexy, skin tight spf 50 pool cover-up over her orange and turquoise bikini, PP rises unsteadily and saunters over to the pool.
The studs are suddenly quiet. Watching her?
PP smiles, as she drops into the cooling turquoise.
Only in her fantasy.
Or is it?
Still smiling underwater, PP begins her languid workout, taking long slow strokes in the purrfect 84 degree water.
Opening her eyes underwater for a moment, she glances down at the bottom of the pool. Why! There’s a party going on. With the Two Pool Studs hosting a myriad of bikini girls, toasting the morning with champagne and …..
Okay, enough. PP does, after all, have a workout to get through.
Though a glass of champagne with the Pool Studs doesn’t sound half bad as she comes to the end of the wall and turns to start her way back.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Club Eeetoeko!
Pool Pussy had had a lovely time at Women's Will's 12th Night, but in the 100 degree heat under the shade of the Big Oak at Mosswood Park watching Olivia and Viola make eyes at each other, she couldn't help thinking:
"HOT HOT HOT!!!"
and then,
"POOL POOL POOL'!
So when the opportunity to go to the Dashing Boyfriend's stepson's pool and hot tub in the Oakland hills came up, she said,
"YES YES YES!!!"
(After Fenton's Ice Cream, but there's no pool there so we'll skip that story. Suffice it to say there was much ice cream, much air conditioning, and much screaming!)
Clomping down the 20 flights of wooden rickety steps to Eeetoeko's pool was an adventure in itself. Pool Pussy followed Dashingly Handsome BF's niece, Pauline, and her friend, Isabel, in the sloggy heat, thinking how delicious it was gonna be in the pool. The late afternoon sun and smog were purrfect for a dip! PP couldn't wait!
Spying the splashing of DH BF's sons in the turquoise water initially gave her tinges of oh no! boys frolickin in the pool. Damn! How was she gonna swim?
But it was such a lovely day and she was so hot that what the hell. She'd swim around them.
And swim around them, she tried. But it was treacherous. Why Dashingly Handsome BF even got a bloody nose in the fray!
Is this what swimming pools are for?
PP thinks not!
Swimming pools are for HER to swim languidly and loverly on her back enjoying the craggy pines and the afternoon light. Swimming pools are for HER to swim uninterrupted laps back and forth in meditative luxury. Swimming pools are for HER to eavesdrop and stare at bikini girls and boys parading around the deck.
Instead, Eeetoeko's swimming pool was an obstacle course around the water basketball game. PP finally gave up trying to swim laps even though the pool was purrfect for this. Small but rectangular. If only those boys would get out of HER way!
Finally, she joined the girls being girls on the side of the pool. P. and I. whispering in French as they watch the boys in wondrous admiration while Dorian, The GF of the oldest son, Callum, smoked a cigarette on the lounge chair, her heart decorated bikinied bosom heaving in the toxic fumes.
Sighing, PP finally got out and lay down on the warm cement. Why is this so comforting? Does it just bring back all of those childhood Sunset Hills Swimming Club memories of swimming for hours with her sisters and then plopping down on the warm concrete, exhausted and happy?
Yeah, PP thinks this is it!
Later, in the Hot Tub, everyone's taking a break from the rough housing.Languishing in the warm bubbles, PP gazes up at the starry smoggy sky in the growing darkness. The air still marvellously warm. Such a rarity for the Bay Area as the dialogue drones in and out of her watery consciousness.
"Aren't you afraid of gun shots where you live?" Pauline asks, wide eyed innocent from Canada.
"No, not really," answers Eeetoeko, tough East Oaklander. "I've lived in lots of places where there's gun shots."
"Where have you lived where there's gun shots?" Challenging his big brother, really half brother, Callum laughs in disbelief.
Pool Pussy sinks lower into the hot tub as the gun shot conversation fires away. Here at Club E, Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend's family hashes it out underneath a rare warm Bay Area July Sat. night. Gun shots seem a long way from this heavenly hot tub and pool perched atop the east bay hills, even though Eeetoeko insists that he's surrounded by them. Pool Pussy glances down the hillside to see random fireworks spraying the sky with greens and oranges not bullets, and thinks, Eeetoeko, true to form, is full of it.
But she has to admit, he's a character as he continues to nonchalantly list all the places he's lived with gun shots: Columbia (duh!), East Oakland (bigger duh), Richmond (Supurr Dupurr Duh!) and one other spot but PP has spaced out for a moment, or she can't hear over the conversation cuz of the artificial water falls E has turned on in the swimming pool below.
"Every time I drive on the east side of Tam Valley T-mobile cuts out on me." Dorian, whines. Cell phones are a hot hot tub topic.
"Really?" E comments, surprised. "Cuz you know, I never had a problem with T-Mobile."
"It's cuz they're the biggest in the area, " Callum asserts, knowledgeable re: all things technical. E thinks of himself as the most knowledgeable, but what the hell does he know really? PP thinks. He just invests in property with stupendous pools that are got on the cheap cuz the previous owners were chased off by east bay drug thugs who wanted their marijuana plantation. (No, PP is not making this up! But Eeetoeko might be!)
Bored, Rory, the little brother, stands and jumps off the hot tub ledge into the waterfall pool, while Pauline and Isabel, continue to ask cute naive questions about T-mobile and AT & T Park.
Handsome Dashing BF is doing what? Listening, nodding, interjecting his 2 cents. He's so serious and sweet. PP knows he's thrilled to be here with all his children, yet on the other hand, it's stressful. For as we all know, or at least anyone reading PP's blogs, FAMILIES ARE WEIRD!!!!
Why is this? There's been books written about it, Oprah's made millions from it, but actually, it's simple from PP's perspective--it's all too casually incestuous. (Not in a sexual way, of course, though Oprah likes this!) Like it's all so weirdly normal for E to be watching the taped Giant's game and smoking weed while abandoning his guests to doin the dishes; talking on their cell phones; surfing the internet; playing with the dog, Sugar; or plunging into the pool.
Families--do they just not care about each other? Ummm....No, they do, it's just that they're always there there. It's so easy to treat each other in a casual, or even socially inactive manner.
Or even in sort of schizo way? Yes! This is it! Why!
You see it all the time, especially on Soap Operas. PP delights in Kendall's nastiness to her mother, the Countess Kane, and warm glow to her sister, the fair Bianca. Pine Valley is just like Oakland, at least from PP's perspective!
And what would Kendall do now at the end of the evening when she's ready to go and no one is paying attention to her?
She'd have none of it!
"Hey, Guys! Get the Lead out PRONTO!! I'm tired and cranky and I need my Beauty Rest, so find your goddamned pants and let's get the hell out of this Insane Heat Box. (Club Eeetoeko's Pool House was at least 115 degrees, but if you're stoned or on the internet, same difference?, you don't notice!)
Not being Kendall, PP just sighs, nags, sighs again. Plays with the dog. Goes to the bathroom.
Finally, D H BF and the youngster, R, who they've been waiting on for what seems like an hour to decide where he wants to go makes a half hearted decision. Or does PP make it for him? Dashingly Handsome BF has been trying for at least 20 minutes: "You could stay here at Eetoekos. Or you could go home with C and D.Would that be okay? Or you could come with us..... Shrugs and "I dunnos" are the response to all queries)
Damn. Let's go! PP fumes. Tired, hot and exasperated, she wishes that she'd just skipped the whole Club Eeetoeko, till she steps out on the balcony to wait it out. Gazes out at the City Lights and breathes in the warmth as D talks hushedly on her cell.
It had been a lovely day. Shakespeare. Fentons. Pool.
Why sweat it, she smiles and shrugs as DH BF finally rounds them all up and they trudge back up steps, lit so prettily with green christmas lights, the pool now a quietly glassy turquoise in the still warm night.
"HOT HOT HOT!!!"
and then,
"POOL POOL POOL'!
So when the opportunity to go to the Dashing Boyfriend's stepson's pool and hot tub in the Oakland hills came up, she said,
"YES YES YES!!!"
(After Fenton's Ice Cream, but there's no pool there so we'll skip that story. Suffice it to say there was much ice cream, much air conditioning, and much screaming!)
Clomping down the 20 flights of wooden rickety steps to Eeetoeko's pool was an adventure in itself. Pool Pussy followed Dashingly Handsome BF's niece, Pauline, and her friend, Isabel, in the sloggy heat, thinking how delicious it was gonna be in the pool. The late afternoon sun and smog were purrfect for a dip! PP couldn't wait!
Spying the splashing of DH BF's sons in the turquoise water initially gave her tinges of oh no! boys frolickin in the pool. Damn! How was she gonna swim?
But it was such a lovely day and she was so hot that what the hell. She'd swim around them.
And swim around them, she tried. But it was treacherous. Why Dashingly Handsome BF even got a bloody nose in the fray!
Is this what swimming pools are for?
PP thinks not!
Swimming pools are for HER to swim languidly and loverly on her back enjoying the craggy pines and the afternoon light. Swimming pools are for HER to swim uninterrupted laps back and forth in meditative luxury. Swimming pools are for HER to eavesdrop and stare at bikini girls and boys parading around the deck.
Instead, Eeetoeko's swimming pool was an obstacle course around the water basketball game. PP finally gave up trying to swim laps even though the pool was purrfect for this. Small but rectangular. If only those boys would get out of HER way!
Finally, she joined the girls being girls on the side of the pool. P. and I. whispering in French as they watch the boys in wondrous admiration while Dorian, The GF of the oldest son, Callum, smoked a cigarette on the lounge chair, her heart decorated bikinied bosom heaving in the toxic fumes.
Sighing, PP finally got out and lay down on the warm cement. Why is this so comforting? Does it just bring back all of those childhood Sunset Hills Swimming Club memories of swimming for hours with her sisters and then plopping down on the warm concrete, exhausted and happy?
Yeah, PP thinks this is it!
Later, in the Hot Tub, everyone's taking a break from the rough housing.Languishing in the warm bubbles, PP gazes up at the starry smoggy sky in the growing darkness. The air still marvellously warm. Such a rarity for the Bay Area as the dialogue drones in and out of her watery consciousness.
"Aren't you afraid of gun shots where you live?" Pauline asks, wide eyed innocent from Canada.
"No, not really," answers Eeetoeko, tough East Oaklander. "I've lived in lots of places where there's gun shots."
"Where have you lived where there's gun shots?" Challenging his big brother, really half brother, Callum laughs in disbelief.
Pool Pussy sinks lower into the hot tub as the gun shot conversation fires away. Here at Club E, Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend's family hashes it out underneath a rare warm Bay Area July Sat. night. Gun shots seem a long way from this heavenly hot tub and pool perched atop the east bay hills, even though Eeetoeko insists that he's surrounded by them. Pool Pussy glances down the hillside to see random fireworks spraying the sky with greens and oranges not bullets, and thinks, Eeetoeko, true to form, is full of it.
But she has to admit, he's a character as he continues to nonchalantly list all the places he's lived with gun shots: Columbia (duh!), East Oakland (bigger duh), Richmond (Supurr Dupurr Duh!) and one other spot but PP has spaced out for a moment, or she can't hear over the conversation cuz of the artificial water falls E has turned on in the swimming pool below.
"Every time I drive on the east side of Tam Valley T-mobile cuts out on me." Dorian, whines. Cell phones are a hot hot tub topic.
"Really?" E comments, surprised. "Cuz you know, I never had a problem with T-Mobile."
"It's cuz they're the biggest in the area, " Callum asserts, knowledgeable re: all things technical. E thinks of himself as the most knowledgeable, but what the hell does he know really? PP thinks. He just invests in property with stupendous pools that are got on the cheap cuz the previous owners were chased off by east bay drug thugs who wanted their marijuana plantation. (No, PP is not making this up! But Eeetoeko might be!)
Bored, Rory, the little brother, stands and jumps off the hot tub ledge into the waterfall pool, while Pauline and Isabel, continue to ask cute naive questions about T-mobile and AT & T Park.
Handsome Dashing BF is doing what? Listening, nodding, interjecting his 2 cents. He's so serious and sweet. PP knows he's thrilled to be here with all his children, yet on the other hand, it's stressful. For as we all know, or at least anyone reading PP's blogs, FAMILIES ARE WEIRD!!!!
Why is this? There's been books written about it, Oprah's made millions from it, but actually, it's simple from PP's perspective--it's all too casually incestuous. (Not in a sexual way, of course, though Oprah likes this!) Like it's all so weirdly normal for E to be watching the taped Giant's game and smoking weed while abandoning his guests to doin the dishes; talking on their cell phones; surfing the internet; playing with the dog, Sugar; or plunging into the pool.
Families--do they just not care about each other? Ummm....No, they do, it's just that they're always there there. It's so easy to treat each other in a casual, or even socially inactive manner.
Or even in sort of schizo way? Yes! This is it! Why!
You see it all the time, especially on Soap Operas. PP delights in Kendall's nastiness to her mother, the Countess Kane, and warm glow to her sister, the fair Bianca. Pine Valley is just like Oakland, at least from PP's perspective!
And what would Kendall do now at the end of the evening when she's ready to go and no one is paying attention to her?
She'd have none of it!
"Hey, Guys! Get the Lead out PRONTO!! I'm tired and cranky and I need my Beauty Rest, so find your goddamned pants and let's get the hell out of this Insane Heat Box. (Club Eeetoeko's Pool House was at least 115 degrees, but if you're stoned or on the internet, same difference?, you don't notice!)
Not being Kendall, PP just sighs, nags, sighs again. Plays with the dog. Goes to the bathroom.
Finally, D H BF and the youngster, R, who they've been waiting on for what seems like an hour to decide where he wants to go makes a half hearted decision. Or does PP make it for him? Dashingly Handsome BF has been trying for at least 20 minutes: "You could stay here at Eetoekos. Or you could go home with C and D.Would that be okay? Or you could come with us..... Shrugs and "I dunnos" are the response to all queries)
Damn. Let's go! PP fumes. Tired, hot and exasperated, she wishes that she'd just skipped the whole Club Eeetoeko, till she steps out on the balcony to wait it out. Gazes out at the City Lights and breathes in the warmth as D talks hushedly on her cell.
It had been a lovely day. Shakespeare. Fentons. Pool.
Why sweat it, she smiles and shrugs as DH BF finally rounds them all up and they trudge back up steps, lit so prettily with green christmas lights, the pool now a quietly glassy turquoise in the still warm night.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Pool Pussy's Potty Training Edification
Pool pussy is so excited! Why? Cuz she’s learning so many fascinating things about child rearing this summer at the pool!
Why, did you know? That contrary to popular belief—girls are quicker and easier to potty train than boys? NO, No, NO....you silly non-breeders!
That's not IT at all!
It depends on who’s doing the training!
Men can train their sons more quickly and women can train their daughters more quickly.
Why is this?
Modeling! (And here I thought ‘modeling’ only applied to teaching essay structure!)
The boys can watch their dads and nod and spray--gross me out!
Or...
The Girls can watch their moms and sit and tinkle--so cute!!!
Now why didn’t Pool Pussy think of this before? Cuz she doesn’t have any children and you know what that means? Much learning about kids in the locker room...quell treat! Now, if she could only get a demonstration...just kiddin! (Unless precious little Stella were to show her...then she might relent!)
So, all you non breeders out there—why not expand your horizons and head on out to the pool for valuable details about potty training? Just hang out in the locker room and eavesdrop. Something Pool Pussy learned from Soap Operas.
It’s so INTERESTING!
Thanks, moms!
Why, did you know? That contrary to popular belief—girls are quicker and easier to potty train than boys? NO, No, NO....you silly non-breeders!
That's not IT at all!
It depends on who’s doing the training!
Men can train their sons more quickly and women can train their daughters more quickly.
Why is this?
Modeling! (And here I thought ‘modeling’ only applied to teaching essay structure!)
The boys can watch their dads and nod and spray--gross me out!
Or...
The Girls can watch their moms and sit and tinkle--so cute!!!
Now why didn’t Pool Pussy think of this before? Cuz she doesn’t have any children and you know what that means? Much learning about kids in the locker room...quell treat! Now, if she could only get a demonstration...just kiddin! (Unless precious little Stella were to show her...then she might relent!)
So, all you non breeders out there—why not expand your horizons and head on out to the pool for valuable details about potty training? Just hang out in the locker room and eavesdrop. Something Pool Pussy learned from Soap Operas.
It’s so INTERESTING!
Thanks, moms!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Oh those darling little ogling boys!
Go ahead, call me a cranky, non-breeding, politically incorrect, child hater, but.....Why the hell do moms hafta bring their ogling age boys into the women's locker room to change? I mean! Do I really need to be subjected to a 6 year old's (I'm not talkin' about the wee little ones, say 4 yrs and under)unabashed staring at my breasts dripping wet outta the shower? What do I do? Smile and say....what? "Oh, isn't he just the cutest little guy staring at my tits? How precocious!" I just don't get it. (Well, actually I do! But that's another blog.)
Why not shower the boys outside? Why not shower them at home? Hell, why not skip the shower altogether!
And does the same thing happen in reverse in the men's locker room? Do the dads bring the little girls into the shower with all those....ummmm...how do I put this indelicately? PENISES hanging out? I THINK NOT! (That would be child abuse, JL observed as we were driving home from the pool! )
So, moms, can you figure something else out? Granted, it could take a bit of effort and creativity on your part. But, just cuz you wanna take a shower, or it's convenient for YOU to bring your boys into the locker room, why should the rest of us women have to deal with these ogling boys? Oh, dear! I hear the wet fur flying already at Pool Pussy here! "You don't know what it's like!" "You're not a Mother!" "Try it for one day and see how far you get!" "Mellow out Pool Pussy and get a grip! They're just little boys!" But hell, that's the point. They're not just little boys! They're little men! And while I like men just fine, I don't appreciate strange uninvited ones copping a peak in the women's locker room.
Today, I staggered into the locker room naked, (Yes, this is usually how most of us are outta the shower), and it's filled to the brim with wet women, kids, babies, strollers, screams! I nearly run head on into an equally naked five year old boy who's skidding down the middle of the cramped floor while his harried mom is running after him with a towel when he stops dead in his tracks to stare me up and down in delight, and I GLARE at MOM, who gives me a look that could kill. Like I'm the bad guy here?
Whooaaa Nelly! Rein that little sucker in, why don't ya?
So, moms, dads, fun-lovin swimmers that you are, bring your adorable little male cherubs to the pool this summer. Let them splish and splash to their hearts' content OUTSIDE in the pool, not in the women's locker room. After all, it's summer! They need to swim. I understand that, but we all need to get along in this crowded crazy season.
It's really very simple. Respect your fellow women swimmers' shyness, privacy, & right to a non-ogling shower and give us all a break! There are showers outside for all to use. There are lifeguards galore to make sure little Justin doesn't drown while mom is taking her shower or going to the potty inside. So, take advantage of the situation. It's okay to let the little demons have at it outside the women's locker room instead of subjecting all of us vulnerable tired shy naked women to the unabashed stares of these growing boys!
Why not shower the boys outside? Why not shower them at home? Hell, why not skip the shower altogether!
And does the same thing happen in reverse in the men's locker room? Do the dads bring the little girls into the shower with all those....ummmm...how do I put this indelicately? PENISES hanging out? I THINK NOT! (That would be child abuse, JL observed as we were driving home from the pool! )
So, moms, can you figure something else out? Granted, it could take a bit of effort and creativity on your part. But, just cuz you wanna take a shower, or it's convenient for YOU to bring your boys into the locker room, why should the rest of us women have to deal with these ogling boys? Oh, dear! I hear the wet fur flying already at Pool Pussy here! "You don't know what it's like!" "You're not a Mother!" "Try it for one day and see how far you get!" "Mellow out Pool Pussy and get a grip! They're just little boys!" But hell, that's the point. They're not just little boys! They're little men! And while I like men just fine, I don't appreciate strange uninvited ones copping a peak in the women's locker room.
Today, I staggered into the locker room naked, (Yes, this is usually how most of us are outta the shower), and it's filled to the brim with wet women, kids, babies, strollers, screams! I nearly run head on into an equally naked five year old boy who's skidding down the middle of the cramped floor while his harried mom is running after him with a towel when he stops dead in his tracks to stare me up and down in delight, and I GLARE at MOM, who gives me a look that could kill. Like I'm the bad guy here?
Whooaaa Nelly! Rein that little sucker in, why don't ya?
So, moms, dads, fun-lovin swimmers that you are, bring your adorable little male cherubs to the pool this summer. Let them splish and splash to their hearts' content OUTSIDE in the pool, not in the women's locker room. After all, it's summer! They need to swim. I understand that, but we all need to get along in this crowded crazy season.
It's really very simple. Respect your fellow women swimmers' shyness, privacy, & right to a non-ogling shower and give us all a break! There are showers outside for all to use. There are lifeguards galore to make sure little Justin doesn't drown while mom is taking her shower or going to the potty inside. So, take advantage of the situation. It's okay to let the little demons have at it outside the women's locker room instead of subjecting all of us vulnerable tired shy naked women to the unabashed stares of these growing boys!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Stop Yelling at Us Women
“He says that they never yell at them in the men’s locker room about closing time,” P points at Frank, Mr. You Never Smile at Me Man, si...
-
I watch him hobble onto the elevator, baffled. He looks like Super Swimmer Man, but…?Could this be him? He can barely walk as he shuffles... -
“You MUST commit to the Roly-Poly!” The child sputtered and flipped about in the pool, his bright blue goggles foggy, his little brown legs ... -
“I so admire you!” Enthusiastic Admiring Woman plops down on the sauna bench kitty-corner to P. Her voice loud and excited. Her eyes sh...