Cat Videos

“I wonder where everyone is,” Sandy shifts subtly on the top shelf of Utopia.
“I know, right?” I say. “I had an entire lane to myself in the pool for almost my whole swim. That never happens here at the Downtown Oakland YMCA!
Sandy snorts. “Yeah, I hear you.”

“DL thinks that it might be so empty round here cuz of the basketball game,” I share.
“Oh, yeah, I bet she’s right!” Sandy nods, as DL grins supine on the bottom shelf of Utopia. We don’t usually have the spaciousness of just the three of us in Utopia and DL is taking full advantage. “Isn’t this the game that decides it all?” Sandy asks.

I shrug. I have no clue. I have a vague, very vague, idea that Oakland’s Wonder team, the Warriors, are playing but beyond that, I have no clue. Basketball is not my thing. Too much running back and forth in wild frenzied violence, whistles blaring, elbows felling. It’s overwhelming for me after a few minutes. I’d rather watch The Young and the Restless, with Victor Newman in prison for enlisting the services of a Peruvian Twin to impersonate Jack Abbott who was being held captive on a deserted island by his schizophrenic ex.

And Sharon! She thought she was pregnant with Dylan’s baby while she was in the asylum at Fairview, but then unbeknownst to her because of heavy constant medication prescribed to her by her evil psychiatrist, she didn’t really have a baby—it was actually Nick Newman’s stolen dead baby and so….well you get the idea. The ball goes back and forth and up and down the court in a soap opera, but it’s much more surreal. And hilarious.

But back to Utopia and Basketball, DL shakes her head in answer to Sandy’s claim about tonight’s game being the decider. “No, not tonight,” DL says.

Sandy nods, then sinks back against the wall after peering at the clock. 9:40. We’ve still got 20 minutes before they kick us out. “I like basketball,” Sandy announces. “Now, baseball. No way. My father loved baseball. Why he’d be so excited when they had something called a ‘no hitter’ and I was bored to tears!
“Me too!” I exclaim. “I want the games where the score is 17-15.”
“Exactly!” Sandy nods. “Otherwise, it’s such a yawn. I will drink those big beers. Scarf down some nachos. But the action? Put up some cat videos.”

DL cracks up, her entire body shaking in mirthful delight. “Put up some Cat Videos. That is so great!”
“Yeah, what a genius idea,” I concur.
Sandy shrugs. “I tell you, baseball is such a snore. And football, fuck that shit. Pardon my French. But basketball, I can get behind that sport.”

DL nods, grinning in Cheshire cat charm.

“I’ll see you both out there,” Sandy rises, ambles out of Utopia.
I’m still laughing. Cat Videos! At the A’s game? I’m there!

Now if only we could get them to show The Young and the Restless at ballgames. Will Sharon tell Nick that his baby isn't really dead? That the baby she has is, in fact, his? But no, wait. It's not really Nick's baby, it's Adam's! And Victor Newman knows this secret! But will he get out of prison in time to divulge this before Sharon runs off, kidnapping her own child that isn't really hers?

Baseball and soaps! Another Utopia for me. Well, besides my own lane at the Downtown Oakland YMCA.