Mind Waiting?

 

“Hi. Can I share the lane with you?”

He pauses, slowly removes the snorkel from his fleshy tan jowls. “Uh…. I was just gonna do some backstroke. And I have a tendency to go kinda all over the place. Why, the last time I shared a lane with someone and I was doing backstroke, I accidently hit her in the face. I couldn’t sleep that whole night. Would you mind waiting while I swim 4 laps?”

            I stare down at him in disbelief. First, what happened to the woman that he hit? Was she hurt? Did he apologize? Or did he just continue on his merry way, but did lose some sleep over his braining of her.

            Second. Dude! The proper response to someone asking to share your lane is: “Of course, which side do you want?”

            I get not wanting to share a lane. I’m guilty of this feeling too. I’ll even go to passive aggressive lengths (pun intended) to keep someone from asking me or getting in the lane with me. Backstroke is an effective means of accomplishing this. Weaving down the lane, taking up as much space as possible. Usually this makes the lingering deck waiting possibility choose another lane.

            So, to give this guy credit, at least he knew he was a danger.

            But, c’mon. If you can’t stay to one side of the lane doing backstroke, then don’t do backstroke!

            Or, try harder!

            I’m at the Oceanside senior center pool, El Corazon, visiting my mom and sister. In fact, my mom wanted to come and ‘watch’ me swim, which I thought would be really boring, but a cute idea. The two of them were there on the deck with me joining me in disbelief at this guy’s response.

            The pool was busy. Sunday afternoon families, bikini girls, snorkel dudes like this guy. In the lane next to him was Hat Man, floating obliviously in the center of the lane. To the other side was String Bikini Woman, grabbing at the wall on the far side, then heaving herself up onto the deck, holding her nose with thumb and index finger, and tumbling into the water, flailing about, then emerging, gasping for air.

            Neither one of these swimmers seemed like promising prospects for lane sharing, but hell if I was gonna press Snorkel Man.

            It just wasn’t worth it.

            In past years, I might have. Told him that I wasn’t going to wait. That this was not only an unfriendly response, but absurd as far as public pool lane sharing etiquette went. Then I would have gotten in the lane, put on my fins, and zoomed past him.

            Asshole.

            But today, I opted for Bikini Woman. Signaled to her that I was getting in the lane. She responded right away with a friendly wave before diving under water again, holding her nose.

            My mom and sister went to sit in the shade, watching the show. Mom marveling over a toddler that kept climbing up on deck and diving back in. A real little fish.

            “That was me, right?” I asked her when she told me about him.

            “Oh, yes, you were so at home in the water. Me? I never was.”

            I do love the water. It’s where I feel the happiest. If all the variables are in alignment: my mask doesn’t leak, my energy is good, the time allotted is enough, and my own lane. OR, if no own lane, then someone who is nice to share with.

            Bikini Woman turned out to be just fine. I’d turn around at the far wall, while she stayed to her side of the lane, flailing about underwater, the pink strings of her bikini dancing at her thighs.

            After the pool, driving home, my mom and sister commented on Snorkel Dude. “We think he must have been an attorney or surgeon,” my mom said.

            “Yeah, well, whatever he was, he was an asshole!”

            We all laughed. “What’s for lunch?” my sister asked.

            “Pizza?” my mom asked. “Can we have pizza?”

            “Sure, why not,” my sister responded. “Let’s call for delivery when we get home.”

            Tired and hungry, I settled into the warmth of the car’s back seat. Pizza did sound good. But frankly, anything would taste good after that adventure in the pool!