Pick your Poison

“Pick your poison,” Smart Ass Lifeguard stares at the pool testing thingamajigs for a moment before dumping the liquid back into the pool.

Rolling my eyes, sighing loudly, glaring at him, I resume my complaint about the water being way too cold for me to workout. SAL had given me some convoluted explanation about the door having to be kept closed because of the fires up in Napa and so the pool had to be kept a colder temperature too as a result. So, I could either have the door open and warmer water and smoky air, OR I could have the door closed and colder water.

Hence the Pick your Poison cliché. Cold water or bad air. Which will it be?

Frankly, give me the warm water over anything any day! I don’t care if I have to breathe smoke or fight crowds or suffer screaming children: I DETEST COLD WATER! I cannot swim in it without hurting myself. My poor shoulder hurts first. And then the pain moves down my entire arm and then to my back till I’m just a frigid hunk of hellish pain.

Is this why I swim?
I think NOT!

But when I try to explain all of this to Smart Ass, he just shrugs and says, oh so predictably: “I like the water a bit on the cold side myself.”

Yeah, big surprise there. It’s always these men, trying to prove how macho they are, who like the cold water. Or maybe it’s not just limited to men; I’ve known some women, too, who like the ‘cold’ water. “I get a better workout.” Or “It makes me swim faster.” Or….. “If it’s too warm, I get lethargic.”

Frankly, I think all of this is hogwash. Who would want to be cold in order to get a better workout? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. What about that new yoga? You know the one where it’s in the HEAT and this help to limber one up and stretch better and get a more intense workout?

Why wouldn’t this apply to swimming too?

I mean, hell, if I’m warm, then I can stretch and if I can stretch without pain, then I can go faster and oh, what about the fact that I will ENJOY it more!?

Yet, those types who like the cold and follow that adage, ‘No pain no gain’ aren’t about enjoyment or the sensual pleasures right? They’re all about the ‘workout’ and if it doesn’t hurt then you’re not accomplishing anything.

I believe the opposite. If it hurts, stop doing it. And if it feels good, do it more!

Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who had a quote about that?
Just a minute and lemme see if I can find it on the internet.............................. Okay, I'm back. How about this one?
“A passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young.” ~Oscar Wilde

No wonder I’m a glutton for pleasure, warmth, and sensuality. I knew this secret…..I am forever young because of my love of warm water! Swimming in a cold pool will age you prematurely!

Cold water is poison. Pure and simple.

But try telling that to Smart Ass Lifeguard. Well, obviously, he’s never read Oscar Wilde!