I Might Hit You!

”I’m very clumsy. I might hit you!”

PP’s Lil’ Sweet Sis stared at Noodle Clumsy Woman in astonished disbelief. Can it be that Noodle Woman is refusing to share a lane? Here she was at the LA Fitness Pool with PP and DHBF just trying to get a swim in, and when she’d asked if she could share the lane, this was the response?

The nerve!

Every Veteran Lap Swimmer knows that you can’t say ‘No’ when someone asks to share your lane. Of course, there are all sorts of strategies to avoid lane sharing: not making eye contact, mighty flip turns (this is a decidedly effective Aggressive Passive Aggressive (APA--not to be confused with an inane form of citing sources for Psych Students) form of not making eye contact), growling, burping, farting, …..Okay, you get the idea.

Poor Lil Sweet Sis! She was taken aback, PP was certain of this. (Though she got the story from her after the fact.) PP had been deep into her ‘swimming zone’ by the time Sis tried to get into NCW’s lane; she was so happy to finally be in the pool!

They’d first tried to swim at the Encinitas YMCA, but it was CLOSED of all things “It’ll be open on Friday,” the Clearly Imbecilic Kid at the counter said when they’d mentioned they were visiting for the day from Oakland. “That won’t help us today,” PP had snarled.

A helpful Encinitas Swimmer Guy had given them directions to the La Jolla Y---long and involved, down Hwy 5, then up Hwy 8…then…..” PP had spaced out; DHBF had nodded and tried to explain that he didn’t know where any of the freeways were; Lil Sis just smiled politely and then when he left said that she’d just take them to her LA Fitness Club and pay the guest fee, which was 15 bucks a piece. “That’s Highway Robbery!” Lil Sis had exclaimed to the poor harried young woman at the front desk. “The Oakland Y lets us bring in 2 guests per month for free” PP had pointed out. Nice Fitness Manager overhearing the whining, came over, “How about 2 for 1”? Which they’d taken.





And so now, PP was blissfully swimming in the sweet little LA fitness indoor pool without a care in the world cuz finally she was in the water! (The YMCA closure was, of course, so stressful for her swimming obsession! To think that she might not have been able to swim at all? What a disaster that woulda been!)






Driving them home later, Lil Sis had exclaimed, “She didn’t say, 'I hope I don’t swim into you. Or I’m afraid I’m not a very good swimmer so if I run into you, then I’m super sorry.' No. She said ‘I hope I don’t HIT you.’ Meaning, swim at your own risk. So, when I said, ‘Oh, well I guess you don’t want me to swim in your lane,” she had seemed suitably sheepishly embarrassed, ‘Oh, no I didn’t mean that.’”

“Of course she did!” PP had cried. “It was a Strategy. Such a ‘warning’ can only mean, Stay OUT of MY lane.”

“Exactly!” LS cried. “It’s a public pool! She can’t have her OWN lane.”

Then PP had told the story of how her friend KW had had the same thing happen to her—see a previous blog from god knows when; so it does happen.

But when it does? What to do?

Lil Sis had just felt bad and then had swum in the next lane.

PP woulda just gotten in anyway and swiped NCW’s Noodle away from her and then brained her with the foamy device.

How satisfying would that be?

Of course, if PP had done such a thing, then she probably woulda been sued for Swimmer Noodle Injury ….Plus she’d signed some waiver at the LA fitness front desk which of course she hadn't read very closely cause she just wanted to get in the pool for chrissakes! So she probably wouldn’t get any protection from LA Fitness.

Had the waiver banned Noodle Head Bonking to any and all? Even if they were the most deserving non-etiquette paying attention swimmers?

Maybe so.

Maybe not.

But it would just be PP’s luck if it did.

And she certainly did not need to deal with such a Noodle Bonking Contingency, esp. when she was supposed to be visiting her family and enjoying her swim.

Maybe LS coulda just responded with, “That’s okay. I’m clumsy too. And I hope I Don’t Hit you either….”

And then given her a good ‘accidental’ kick underwater....