Sunday, July 30, 2006

On the Lam at the Pool?

"My daughter’s missing." The Kirby Puckett of Berkeley holds up a flyer to the pool guy as PP leaves Willard Jr. High's dreary locker room. "Can I hang this in here?" he asks at the front door, peering inside, distressed beads of sweat gathered on his smooth forehead.

"Uh....I don’t think so...I don’t think we can hang flyers up here...." Stupid Pool Guard holds the front door open for conversation, but just barely.

"MY DAUGHTER’S MISSING! SHE HANGS AROUND HERE SOMETIMES...." Kirby repeats, exasperated.

PP glares at SPG. Let the guy hang his flyer you dumb idiot! Isn’t This flyer a no brainer? Like if someone’s kid is missing, don’t you just help them if you can? And isn’t hanging a flyer at Willard Jr. High Pool not asking much? Jeeeezzzz! PP can’t believe the stupidity of Youth sometimes as she tries to sneak past them, glancing at the flyer herself, "Runaway Teen...." she can’t read what else, but sees snapshot of pretty African American girl smiling.

Kirby Puckett continues to hold the flyer in the pool attendants face, who finally relents, "Uh... I guess it’s okay....but someone else might take it down."

"She hangs around here sometimes," Kirby asserts as he gets the tape out and starts to post the flyer.

PP nods in approval. If she were running away, the pool is where she’d go! Maybe it wouldn’t be the best place to hide, but she’d at least get a swim in while on the lam!

Now, why didn’t she ever think of that when she was a teenager?

Damn!

Shaking her head, she scrurries past the line of homeless guys waiting for the free shower program. They nod to her, munching on dubiously wrapped food as she makes her way back up Derby St. toward home.

PP hopes Kirby finds his daughter, but a bigger part of her hopes the daughter gets to escape to the pool for at least a little while!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

POOL STUDS DRINK CHAMPAGNE? OH MY!

“Christina let me off the hook with the Baby. I just wasn’t into the Dad Thing and she knew it. What with the diaper changing, feeding, blah blah blah…..plus I have to work. Well, it just wasn’t for me. Plus it really cut into my social life. Being a dad.”

Pool Pussy is eavesdropping again. Part of her never-ending research for her blog. Today, it’s soooo hot. Of course she revels in the heat as any cat would, but had to seek shade cuz of the stupid skin cancer sore.

Fortunately, the kindly crew at Mills had erected the shade tarps, and wow! What a wondrous sight PP spies as she comes outta the locker room. Two pool studs doing crunch sit ups (is that what they’re called?). Very impressive! PP had to get a closer look. And she had the excuse of their exercise area being under the shade tarps. What luck!

Hot and bothered, PP can never get enough of the Heat—oh she’s only talking about the air temperature. The two Pool Studs were way too young for her, of course. Tho the Anti Dad one was a bit older. African American Stud. His friend, slighter, whiter, and blonde. Nice pair, PP thinks as she plops down next to them.

“And this dad thing…..it really makes me feel old.” PP scoffs as she smears on SPF 45 sunscreen over her paper thin menopausal bad skin.

“Yeah.” The younger one agrees, having zero clue about being a dad or aging.

“And another thing” Anti dad continues, while still crunching those abs, “I really feel it when I drink anything and then try to swim the next morning. Like last night, I only had a couple beers and two glasses of champagne, but hell, I felt it this morning when I got in the water.”

PP turns and stares openly. Did he really say champagne? Do Pool Studs drink champagne? My my my! Now why she thinks this is so unusual is difficult to pinpoint. So she’s gonna write about it.

Isn’t champagne for weddings? Or girlie celebrations? Like you know, bachelorette parties? It’s such a foofoo drink. Doesn’t seem like a hot muscular pool stud would partake of such a beverage. Especially at the expense of his workout the next day.

But hell, maybe he was celebrating being let off the hook by Christina? Yeah, that does seem like cause for celebration! No babies! Yeah! Drink the bubbly and let’s party hearty. (Sorry, PP can’t believe she just wrote that but it goes with the mood here, under the shade tarp.)

PP is getting a bit hot and bothered herself. The fantasies are starting to take over. 3 ways have always been one of them. Two guys and a girl, namely her. Now, these two...Well! With their chiseled six packs and hard muscled limbs and tight asses and ohhh my...!!!PP is gonna hafta take a break!

Time to plunge into the cooling pool before she gets way too HOT!

Donning her sexy, oh come on, it could be viewed as sexy, skin tight spf 50 pool cover-up over her orange and turquoise bikini, PP rises unsteadily and saunters over to the pool.

The studs are suddenly quiet. Watching her?

PP smiles, as she drops into the cooling turquoise.

Only in her fantasy.

Or is it?

Still smiling underwater, PP begins her languid workout, taking long slow strokes in the purrfect 84 degree water.

Opening her eyes underwater for a moment, she glances down at the bottom of the pool. Why! There’s a party going on. With the Two Pool Studs hosting a myriad of bikini girls, toasting the morning with champagne and …..

Okay, enough. PP does, after all, have a workout to get through.

Though a glass of champagne with the Pool Studs doesn’t sound half bad as she comes to the end of the wall and turns to start her way back.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Club Eeetoeko!

Pool Pussy had had a lovely time at Women's Will's 12th Night, but in the 100 degree heat under the shade of the Big Oak at Mosswood Park watching Olivia and Viola make eyes at each other, she couldn't help thinking:

"HOT HOT HOT!!!"

and then,

"POOL POOL POOL'!


So when the opportunity to go to the Dashing Boyfriend's stepson's pool and hot tub in the Oakland hills came up, she said,

"YES YES YES!!!"

(After Fenton's Ice Cream, but there's no pool there so we'll skip that story. Suffice it to say there was much ice cream, much air conditioning, and much screaming!)

Clomping down the 20 flights of wooden rickety steps to Eeetoeko's pool was an adventure in itself. Pool Pussy followed Dashingly Handsome BF's niece, Pauline, and her friend, Isabel, in the sloggy heat, thinking how delicious it was gonna be in the pool. The late afternoon sun and smog were purrfect for a dip! PP couldn't wait!

Spying the splashing of DH BF's sons in the turquoise water initially gave her tinges of oh no! boys frolickin in the pool. Damn! How was she gonna swim?

But it was such a lovely day and she was so hot that what the hell. She'd swim around them.

And swim around them, she tried. But it was treacherous. Why Dashingly Handsome BF even got a bloody nose in the fray!

Is this what swimming pools are for?


PP thinks not!


Swimming pools are for HER to swim languidly and loverly on her back enjoying the craggy pines and the afternoon light. Swimming pools are for HER to swim uninterrupted laps back and forth in meditative luxury. Swimming pools are for HER to eavesdrop and stare at bikini girls and boys parading around the deck.

Instead, Eeetoeko's swimming pool was an obstacle course around the water basketball game. PP finally gave up trying to swim laps even though the pool was purrfect for this. Small but rectangular. If only those boys would get out of HER way!

Finally, she joined the girls being girls on the side of the pool. P. and I. whispering in French as they watch the boys in wondrous admiration while Dorian, The GF of the oldest son, Callum, smoked a cigarette on the lounge chair, her heart decorated bikinied bosom heaving in the toxic fumes.

Sighing, PP finally got out and lay down on the warm cement. Why is this so comforting? Does it just bring back all of those childhood Sunset Hills Swimming Club memories of swimming for hours with her sisters and then plopping down on the warm concrete, exhausted and happy?

Yeah, PP thinks this is it!


Later, in the Hot Tub, everyone's taking a break from the rough housing.Languishing in the warm bubbles, PP gazes up at the starry smoggy sky in the growing darkness. The air still marvellously warm. Such a rarity for the Bay Area as the dialogue drones in and out of her watery consciousness.

"Aren't you afraid of gun shots where you live?" Pauline asks, wide eyed innocent from Canada.

"No, not really," answers Eeetoeko, tough East Oaklander. "I've lived in lots of places where there's gun shots."

"Where have you lived where there's gun shots?" Challenging his big brother, really half brother, Callum laughs in disbelief.

Pool Pussy sinks lower into the hot tub as the gun shot conversation fires away. Here at Club E, Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend's family hashes it out underneath a rare warm Bay Area July Sat. night. Gun shots seem a long way from this heavenly hot tub and pool perched atop the east bay hills, even though Eeetoeko insists that he's surrounded by them. Pool Pussy glances down the hillside to see random fireworks spraying the sky with greens and oranges not bullets, and thinks, Eeetoeko, true to form, is full of it.


But she has to admit, he's a character as he continues to nonchalantly list all the places he's lived with gun shots: Columbia (duh!), East Oakland (bigger duh), Richmond (Supurr Dupurr Duh!) and one other spot but PP has spaced out for a moment, or she can't hear over the conversation cuz of the artificial water falls E has turned on in the swimming pool below.

"Every time I drive on the east side of Tam Valley T-mobile cuts out on me." Dorian, whines. Cell phones are a hot hot tub topic.

"Really?" E comments, surprised. "Cuz you know, I never had a problem with T-Mobile."

"It's cuz they're the biggest in the area, " Callum asserts, knowledgeable re: all things technical. E thinks of himself as the most knowledgeable, but what the hell does he know really? PP thinks. He just invests in property with stupendous pools that are got on the cheap cuz the previous owners were chased off by east bay drug thugs who wanted their marijuana plantation. (No, PP is not making this up! But Eeetoeko might be!)

Bored, Rory, the little brother, stands and jumps off the hot tub ledge into the waterfall pool, while Pauline and Isabel, continue to ask cute naive questions about T-mobile and AT & T Park.


Handsome Dashing BF is doing what? Listening, nodding, interjecting his 2 cents. He's so serious and sweet. PP knows he's thrilled to be here with all his children, yet on the other hand, it's stressful. For as we all know, or at least anyone reading PP's blogs, FAMILIES ARE WEIRD!!!!

Why is this? There's been books written about it, Oprah's made millions from it, but actually, it's simple from PP's perspective--it's all too casually incestuous. (Not in a sexual way, of course, though Oprah likes this!) Like it's all so weirdly normal for E to be watching the taped Giant's game and smoking weed while abandoning his guests to doin the dishes; talking on their cell phones; surfing the internet; playing with the dog, Sugar; or plunging into the pool.

Families--do they just not care about each other? Ummm....No, they do, it's just that they're always there there. It's so easy to treat each other in a casual, or even socially inactive manner.

Or even in sort of schizo way? Yes! This is it! Why!

You see it all the time, especially on Soap Operas. PP delights in Kendall's nastiness to her mother, the Countess Kane, and warm glow to her sister, the fair Bianca. Pine Valley is just like Oakland, at least from PP's perspective!

And what would Kendall do now at the end of the evening when she's ready to go and no one is paying attention to her?

She'd have none of it!


"Hey, Guys! Get the Lead out PRONTO!! I'm tired and cranky and I need my Beauty Rest, so find your goddamned pants and let's get the hell out of this Insane Heat Box. (Club Eeetoeko's Pool House was at least 115 degrees, but if you're stoned or on the internet, same difference?, you don't notice!)


Not being Kendall, PP just sighs, nags, sighs again. Plays with the dog. Goes to the bathroom.

Finally, D H BF and the youngster, R, who they've been waiting on for what seems like an hour to decide where he wants to go makes a half hearted decision. Or does PP make it for him? Dashingly Handsome BF has been trying for at least 20 minutes: "You could stay here at Eetoekos. Or you could go home with C and D.Would that be okay? Or you could come with us..... Shrugs and "I dunnos" are the response to all queries)


Damn. Let's go! PP fumes. Tired, hot and exasperated, she wishes that she'd just skipped the whole Club Eeetoeko, till she steps out on the balcony to wait it out. Gazes out at the City Lights and breathes in the warmth as D talks hushedly on her cell.


It had been a lovely day. Shakespeare. Fentons. Pool.

Why sweat it, she smiles and shrugs as DH BF finally rounds them all up and they trudge back up steps, lit so prettily with green christmas lights, the pool now a quietly glassy turquoise in the still warm night.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Pool Pussy's Potty Training Edification

Pool pussy is so excited! Why? Cuz she’s learning so many fascinating things about child rearing this summer at the pool!

Why, did you know? That contrary to popular belief—girls are quicker and easier to potty train than boys? NO, No, NO....you silly non-breeders!
That's not IT at all!

It depends on who’s doing the training!
Men can train their sons more quickly and women can train their daughters more quickly.

Why is this?

Modeling! (And here I thought ‘modeling’ only applied to teaching essay structure!)
The boys can watch their dads and nod and spray--gross me out!
Or...
The Girls can watch their moms and sit and tinkle--so cute!!!

Now why didn’t Pool Pussy think of this before? Cuz she doesn’t have any children and you know what that means? Much learning about kids in the locker room...quell treat! Now, if she could only get a demonstration...just kiddin! (Unless precious little Stella were to show her...then she might relent!)

So, all you non breeders out there—why not expand your horizons and head on out to the pool for valuable details about potty training? Just hang out in the locker room and eavesdrop. Something Pool Pussy learned from Soap Operas.

It’s so INTERESTING!

Thanks, moms!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Oh those darling little ogling boys!

Go ahead, call me a cranky, non-breeding, politically incorrect, child hater, but.....Why the hell do moms hafta bring their ogling age boys into the women's locker room to change? I mean! Do I really need to be subjected to a 6 year old's (I'm not talkin' about the wee little ones, say 4 yrs and under)unabashed staring at my breasts dripping wet outta the shower? What do I do? Smile and say....what? "Oh, isn't he just the cutest little guy staring at my tits? How precocious!" I just don't get it. (Well, actually I do! But that's another blog.)

Why not shower the boys outside? Why not shower them at home? Hell, why not skip the shower altogether!

And does the same thing happen in reverse in the men's locker room? Do the dads bring the little girls into the shower with all those....ummmm...how do I put this indelicately? PENISES hanging out? I THINK NOT! (That would be child abuse, JL observed as we were driving home from the pool! )

So, moms, can you figure something else out? Granted, it could take a bit of effort and creativity on your part. But, just cuz you wanna take a shower, or it's convenient for YOU to bring your boys into the locker room, why should the rest of us women have to deal with these ogling boys? Oh, dear! I hear the wet fur flying already at Pool Pussy here! "You don't know what it's like!" "You're not a Mother!" "Try it for one day and see how far you get!" "Mellow out Pool Pussy and get a grip! They're just little boys!" But hell, that's the point. They're not just little boys! They're little men! And while I like men just fine, I don't appreciate strange uninvited ones copping a peak in the women's locker room.

Today, I staggered into the locker room naked, (Yes, this is usually how most of us are outta the shower), and it's filled to the brim with wet women, kids, babies, strollers, screams! I nearly run head on into an equally naked five year old boy who's skidding down the middle of the cramped floor while his harried mom is running after him with a towel when he stops dead in his tracks to stare me up and down in delight, and I GLARE at MOM, who gives me a look that could kill. Like I'm the bad guy here?

Whooaaa Nelly! Rein that little sucker in, why don't ya?

So, moms, dads, fun-lovin swimmers that you are, bring your adorable little male cherubs to the pool this summer. Let them splish and splash to their hearts' content OUTSIDE in the pool, not in the women's locker room. After all, it's summer! They need to swim. I understand that, but we all need to get along in this crowded crazy season.

It's really very simple. Respect your fellow women swimmers' shyness, privacy, & right to a non-ogling shower and give us all a break! There are showers outside for all to use. There are lifeguards galore to make sure little Justin doesn't drown while mom is taking her shower or going to the potty inside. So, take advantage of the situation. It's okay to let the little demons have at it outside the women's locker room instead of subjecting all of us vulnerable tired shy naked women to the unabashed stares of these growing boys!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Solar Senile Keratosis—Hissssss!!!!

"Actinic Keratosis, also called solar or senile (hissss!) keratosis, is a precancerous skin condition that devlops in sun-exposed skin, especially on the face, hands, forearms, and neck. It occurs most often in pale-skinned, fair-haired, light eyed people beginning at age 30 or 40" (Kaiser Permanente Website, July 2006, Patrice Burgess, MD)

Pool Pussy looks down at the small red blotchy spot on her forearm. Then glances back at the above description.

Yup. That’s it. Actinic Keratosis. Solar Keratosis. Senile Kerotosis? Shit, why is she always senile? Or was it senior? Whatever. She’s not. Unless you ask the stupid lifeguards at Willard Pool. (See previous entry, June something or other...)

Damn. What’s a solar swimming kitty to do?
Go to Kaiser?
Unfortunately, this is the only option Pool Pussy has. Someday she'll move to Canada or some other civilized country where they have non-Kaiser Health Care that is state sponsored. Not gonna happen here in the good 'ole US of A, so in the meantime....it's Kaiser for this kitty!

What a lovely way to spend a beautiful Friday afternoon, but PP feels she’s has no choice. What if It gets bigger? And takes over her whole arm? And then she has to have her arm amputated? Damn. That would make it so hard to swim. She could. She’d seen the woman at Mills that ‘swam’ with no arms and no legs.

Pool Pussy wasn’t ready for this.
So to Kaiser she goes. Calls her dashing handsome helpful boyfriend to take her. Sure he has nothing better to do on a beautiful Friday afternoon, too. Pool Pussy promises to take him to the pool afterwards. Deal.

Fabiola 3b. 3:55 p.m. Pool Pussy and Dashing Boyfriend wait in the air-conditioned Hell that only Kaiser can offer. Chair bound senior citizen asking receptionist if they’ve called for a wheelchair for her. Elderly dapper little man being told by phone wired advocate that yes she knows he’s been waiting since 1:00 p.m. She put a note on Dr. Lax’s door. She’s waiting to hear from him. Yes, he should continue to wait. But he’s read all the 10 year old New Yorker’s—should he wait? Yes, he should. Advocate gets a ring in her ear. "I’m sorry sir, I can’t talk to about it at this time." Dashing Boyfriend nods to Pool Pussy, "How’d you like to have her job?"

Africa American Guy slouched in chair next to us. Shades pulled low. Asleep? Watching? Dark jeans slung low. White T-shirt. Gold chain. He gets called in. Rises and ambles off.

New Yorker Waiting Man hears a name. Shuffles over. No, it’s not his turn. Back to his chair, shaking his head. Two Chinese women step in with timid tired faces, till the teenage daughter gets a text-message on her cell to pass the time.

"This is FUCKING BULLSHIT!" African American Shade Guy stalks back out into the waiting room, shaking his head in frustrated fury. "I’m GONNA DROP YOUR ASS!!!" he hollers out as he opens the waiting room door. "Bye bye" the receptionist calls out sweetly.

Pool Pussy and Dashing Boyfriend laugh nervously. Pool Pussy knows how Shade Guy feels. Been there herself. Wrote a book about it. You can get it on Amazon.com, "The Kaiser Stories."

She hears her name. The tired, unengaged nurse weighs her, takes her blood pressure, temperature. Do you need all these Kaiser details? Maybe not. We’ll skip to the doctor’s visit with Pool Pussy after waiting in the tiny cold cubicle for 45 minutes. (Pool Pussy could be exaggerating the time wait, but exaggeration gets the point across!)

Dr. Shute (Pool Pussy knows she should change the name, but it’s too good) strides briskly in. Smiles professionally. Almost calls pool pussy by her wrong name but looks down at the chart in time to catch herself. Pool Pussy asks after her cats. What are their names again? "Cairo, Egypt, Pharaoh and Ramseys" Pool Pussy loves the Egyptian Cat theme. This is why she chose this doctor. Cuz she had cats on her website.

"So, what can I do for you today?"
Pool Pussy smiles nervously, sticks her forearm out for inspection. "I think all my years of fun in the sun have caught up with me," Pool Pussy sighs.

Dr. Shute looks at the offered spot. Smiles. "How long has it been there?"

"I got this print out off the Internet about "Actinic Keratosis...." Pool Pussy begins.

Laughing, Dr. Shute glances over at Dashing BF as she takes the sheet, "I ask her how long it’s been there and she shows me this print-out. You’re a hoot!"

Pool Pussy doesn’t think it’s so funny, but whatever. She’s at Kaiser.
"So, I’ll ask you again, how long has it been there?"
Pool Pussy shakes her head. "I honestly don’t know. I think a while...."
"You’ve been complaining about it for several months," Dashing BF offers.
Pool Pussy glares at him.
Dr. Shute shakes her head as she continues to smile. "Any family history of skin cancer? Melanoma? Basil Blahblah..."
Pool Pussy shakes her head, "Well, no melanoma, but my mom and my sister both had some spots removed and...."
Dr. Shute laughs, "Everyone comes in here telling me how such and such a relative had a spot removed and now they have this spot and ohmygod it must be cancer or precancerous, but lemme tell you something, nothing is precancerous, it’s either cancer or it’s not..."
Pool Pussy nods. This makes her feel so much better.
"So, I’ll be happy to refer you to Dermatology. They’ll be happy to take a look at it."
"What do you think, Dr.?" Dashing BF asks anxiously. "Is it something for her to be worried about? She does have a tendency to worry."
Dr. Shute chuckles. "Nah....I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, but I will give her a referral to Dermatology. They’ll be happy to look at it," she repeats.

This definitely doesn’t make pool pussy feel any better.
"Now, I can’t give you a print out right now, but would Monday, July 31 work for you?"

Pool pussy works at the stupid college on Mondays, but is so stressed out she’ll figure out something. "Er....sure...I hafta work but...."

"Great. So, your appt. is with Dr. McDermotitis (PP did make that name up) at 3:30 p.m. Get there on time. They get very cranky otherwise. They’ll do a full body scan at the time."

Pool Pussy copies down the appt info on the back of the Actinic Keratosis Print out. Feels anxious about the prospect of a ‘full body scan’ with someone she’s not having sex with.

"Can I go to the pool though, in the meantime?" PP asks anxiously. What the hell is she gonna do if the Doc says no? She can’t live without the pool! It’s her sanity preserver!

"Sure, just don’t go in the middle of the day. Go after 3 in the afternoon when the sun isn’t at its height."

Pool pussy nods. She can do this. Though it’ll be hard in the fall when the pool is only open during lunch time. Hell. It’s all so cranky! PP never wanted to be one of those Berekeleyites that are afraid of the sun! "The sun is not my friend," JC, her ex’s pale friend always says. PP sighs. She loves the sun. It warms her. She’s always so cold! What’s she gonna do without it?

Be very very very CRANKY!!!

"Y’all have a nice afternoon." Dr. Shute smiles broadly. She’s had it with Kaiser for the day. Back to her cats and her dog.

"What’s your dog’s name again?" PP asks before leaving.
"Justice."
"Cool. I knew he hadda good name."
"And what are your cats names?" Dr. Shute asks to be polite.
"They’re literary artistic names: Pablo Picasso, Sylvia Beach and Dorothy Parker."
"Cute."

PP nods, murmurs a bye bye and a thank you before she and Dashing BF follow the doc outta the little room.


Thankfully out of Kaiser and at Mills. 5:15 or so. Way after peak sun hours, PP steps around the murky puddles in the busy summertime lockerroom. Spies the Lovely I in her Tropical Mismatched Bikini slathering on sunscreen. Thinks how she’s here late too! Usually they both go at the noon time hour. Wonders what’s up?

"HI! You’re here!"
Lovely I turns, startled, then grins! "FINALLY! We waited all afternoon for These People to pick up ART and they said they were gonna be at our place at 1, and so we waited and waited and then at 3 they call and say they’ll be here at 5 and so again we wait and wait and they still don’t show up so at 5:05 I call ‘em and say, "I GOING TO THE POOL! I’ll be back around 7, do you think you can make it by then?"

She laughs. Pool Pussy joins in.

"Wow!" LI exclaims. "It’s so nice to know someone who the first thing you do is go GGGRRRRRRR!!!! for 5 minutes before even saying ‘hello’!

We giggle.

" Yes, it is!" Pool Pussy agrees. Feeling 100% better now that she’s at the pool and privy to an ART RANT.

This is why she swims!

Grinning, Pool Pussy dons her long sleeved UVA 50+ shirt and follows the Lovely I. out onto the deck into the enchanting afternoon post sun zenith light, nearly tripping over a tiny tot in a hot pink bikini before spying an open lane and nabbing it!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

pool pussy is gonna scream!

Okay, pool pussy just wrote a really funny story about calling willard jr. high to
see if they're open today, the goddamn 4th of july, and of course they're not so she just wrote down their recording of all their hours for the summer which sounds really boring, but it wasn't cuz it had all of pool pussy's own scheduling issues, like she can't get outta the house before noon, so no way was she gonna make the 7 a.m-1:00p.m time and how there were hours on the weekend that she could possibly make but alas the pool is full of goddamn stupid screaming kids and obnoxious families with their stupid footballs and frisbees and underwater staring by tiny curious tots that pool pussy would like to drown and also how there's evidently a guy named Dave that teaches swim lessons but pool pussy would really like a pic of Dave first before she makes any commitment there and also how willard is open on fridays from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. well acutally everyday but pool pussy works at a stupid college mondays -thursdays so she can't make this time but anyway fridays could be a possibility but she likes to give the lovely I. a ride to mills so she can hear stories about exciting adventures driving around Berkeley for instance to the Cupcake place on vine street or somewhere in north Berkeley but pool pussy as a rule hates north Berkeley cuz she used to live over there and kings pool was so damn crowded that she had to move so now pool pussy just wants to swim on 4th of july but of course all the pools are closed today for the goddamn patriotic extravaganza which is so stupid.

Why the hell can't they just have fireworks at the pool? Pool pussy would go for this though it might encourage more of those goddamn families and tiny tots!

So, happy goddamn 4th of july from cranky pool pussy and may you all find a pool at least in your dreams!