Monday, September 25, 2006

Are We Awake Yet?

Tell me fellow swimmers. Is the concept that difficult to grasp? I mean, hell, there’s 2 people in a lane, splitting the lane and then two more people, making 4, are you following me? get in the lane and now what? Gee! Let’s all just tread water at the wall and freeze our butts off at 9 friggin a.m! So, PP takes control in her inimitably cranky way. “Are you joining our lane?” Confused looks thro foggy goggles as one of the intruders in her spry little red and white bikini stares at PP. Hello? Am I speaking English? Do you speak English? Actually this could be the problem. Confused interloper is Asian, young and pretty. Maybe her youth and good looks keep her brain at bay? In any case, she just blinks at PP. So PP presses on as the goose bumps accelerate their progress. “Okay, well, if you’re both gonna swim here, we need to swim circles. Do you understand?” More confused looks but she nods as her friend gulps for air,treading spastically in the choppy water. “Up the right side” PP motions up, “and down the left side” PP motions down and around. “Like a circle? Do you understand? And if you get in anyone’s way, (PP has no idea why this has occurred to her!) just wait at the wall and let the faster person by. Do you understand?”

More confused nods and foggy smiles. “I’ll go first” PP announces shaking her head. Damn, why her lane? Is it really that crowded? Glancing around at the end of the wall, PP notes that it is crowded. Goddamn swim team. Aren’t they supposed to be out by 9? PP hates swimming in the morning for oh so many reasons. The swim team might be at the top of the list. They’re splashy and entitled? Yeah. That’s it. Why does the Swim Team get 8 lanes and the rest of the poor lowly lap swimmers hafta make do with 3? Is this fair?

No, not if PP doesn’t get a lane. And as of right now, she’s just gained on Foggy Asian Girl at the end of the wall, who true to suspicions, obliviously turns slowly slowly around at the wall, neatly blocking any chance for PP to get past her.


Is it really worth it?

PP thinks not at this point. But then FAG oh dear PP better change her initials, or maybe not…anyway the poor clueless little thing must sense PP’s Frustration and she and her friend move to another lane, leaving PP back to splittin a lane with Sexy Brazilian Woman who grins at PP and mumbles happily something about something. PP has no idea, but sees SBW blissfully grab 2 kickboards, place them on top of each other and then tread water spastically at the wall holding the kickboards for several minutes.

What’s up with that? PP wonders, but not for long as SBW’s BF lingers impatiently on the side of the deck, his dark looks begging her to be done with it.... till finally she gets out…..

Happy Happy Happy HAPPY now that she has her own lane all to herself as it ALWAYS should be, PP finishes up her swim and then makes her way hurriedly over to the hot tub. Happy, too, that the tub is empty and NO ONE will disturb her up-to-this-point elusive state of swimming bliss.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

An Amazon Doctress

“Ahhhhh…I feel soooooo goood!” Amazon Thong woman sighs blissfully as PP approaches the sink to start the heinous detangling process of her too long hair. She was feeling a bit cranky at the prospect, but now ATW is cheering her up with her blissed out orgasmic sigh.

Maybe mornings aren’t gonna be so bad after all, she tries to tell herself for the 5th time in in as many days trying to swim in the morning. But, if ATW is gonna be a regular part of the experience…well……

PP smiles to herself as she starts in on her hair, thinking how she really knows what ATW means when she exclaims like this in that post swim glow, but it’s more fun to think that she’s happy so see PP!

Okay, pp knows this is a bit far-fetched, her being a middle aged shriveled up cancer light survivor . But glancing over at ATW, and then nodding in agreement, she gets a shy smile. “IT’s just so good to be done! And here!” ATW continues to gush.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” PP agrees as she tugs at a huge rat’s nest thereby negating any blissed out feeling she might have been having herself post swim.

“When I was in college I used to get up work out at 6 am.! Can you believe that?”

PP can’t. And says so.

“Yeah, so now I just feel soooo good after my swim!”

PP believes her as she remembers her firm strong ass hugging the blue daisy thong panties. Frankly, and pp knows that this is both cliché and generational, but she just has never gotten the Thong Thing. Not only does it look tres uncomfortable, but most people can’t pull it off.

However, ATW is the exception. She can pull it on. And pull it off!

Trying not to grin too widely, PP smiles over at ATW, “What kind of sports did you play?”
”Water polo. It was so awesome!”
PP nods. Yeah, I just bet it was, she thinks to herself. But water polo. That explains ATW’s physique. 6 ft tall at least. Long strong slender brown legs up to PP’s armpits. That tight non curvy straight waist.

Yup, water polo would work, PP thinks.

“What college did you go to?” PP asks
Brown. PP frowns. She should know what Brown is, but it’s too early in the morning for it to be anything other than a very drab color.
“What did you study at Brown?” PP asks thinking this might give her a clue.
“Anthropology. Psychology. Actually, I was premed when I left.”
”Really?” PP raises her eyebrows. An Amazon Doctress! Too cool!
“Yeah, so that’s why I’m back here at Mills finishing up my premed so I can go to Med School next year.”
“That’s wonderful.” PP does think it is. To be in the medical field. She’s just glad it’s not her! Hell, she can’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy without getting squeamish!

“Yeah, if I hadn’t taken a break, I’d be in my second year of med school by now.”
ATW sighs. “But I did love college. Staying up late. Getting up early. Playing sports. Going to parties. Meeting new people…..” ATW gives PP another shy smile. (Actually, PP is making this last part up, but it makes for a better story!)

“And I got the opportunity to do some volunteer work which I just love,” ATW continues to gush, “Working with school kids in the lower classs, well, actually in Rhode Island there’s a poorer class and then a richer class….”
PP nods, still caught in her fantasy of ATW throwing flirtatious glances her way.
“That’s marvelous…..” PP murmurs.
“Yes, It really was a wonderful opportunity. I learned so much!”
“And it seems like it’d be great experience for a doctor.”
YES!” ATW nods enthusiastically. “Especially since I want to be a pediatrician.”

PP forces a smile. A pediatrician? What a nightmare! PP can’t think of a worse job, other than teaching kindergarten.

Yanking the last of the tangles out, PP turns on the faucet and starts rinsing out her suit as JL hops in to start her hair and makeup routine.
Suddenly shy, ATW nods at PP and then heads back to her pile of stuff in the tiny locker room. JL glances over at PP slyly.

PP starts to giggle. Then shrugs playfully as she wraps her wet suit up in her towel.
“See you later!” ATW calls out on her way out the door.
“Yes, see you next time,” PP answers as JL leans over the sink and starts applying her 'face', the make-up unable to hide her delighted grin.

"She likes you," JL observes.
"You think so?" PP teases.
Giggling, JL finishes her face and then washes her hands, her dark eyes sparkling as PP tries not too hard to ignore the tingle in her heart. (Sorry, that's really bad, but PP is tired!)

Monday, September 18, 2006


“Your eyes become like petrie dishes.” PP is still contemplating this weird remark as she climbs into the hot tub, freezing, tired and spaced out. How can eyes become pietry dishes? How the hell do you even spell pettry? Granted the woman who’d made the comment while getting dressed in the locker room was chatting about not wearing contacts anymore. But peetree dishes? (PP likes this spelling the best!) Does this mean that the contacts trap all sorts of live little amoeba and bacteria on your eyeball?


And so, this is what is going thro her brain when the head of Mills College English Dept pops into the Hot Tub. Gives her a hearty smile. Asks how she is.

“You teaching this fall?” Head of Dept asks.

“Yeah….” PP is trying to form some response in her morning post swim haze surrounded by peetree dishes. Opts for a question instead. “How about you?”

”No, I’m on Sabbatical”

PP tries not to sigh and glare too loudly. Can you glare loudly? PP can so she'd better be careful. But a sabbatical? How luxurious! What she could do with a sabbatical! Finish her Trollope Novel. Get it published. Write lots more PP blogs. Watch a ton more bad TV. (Would that count? Sure she could do a ‘Paper” on Soap Opera in Contemporary American Culture as seen thro the eyes of the Victorian Mastermind of the Soap, Anthony Trollope.) It’d be a cutting edge, avant-garde sorta sabbatical. PP often wished she’d chosen that academic path. Now it’s too late. Or she’s just too busy. Going to the pool!

Nodding, PP forces a hopefully ungreen grin. “Are you writing a book?”
she asks Head of Dept.

“Not a book, but an Article.”

“Ummm…..” PP nods again. She gets a whole year off to write an Article? Hell she’d like that gig! “What’s it about?” PP asks.

“George Eliot and the New Testament.”

PP wants to blurt out, “HUH?” but decides against it. Not a smart political move on her part! And as you’ll see, dear readers, politics does come into play here. So it’s a good thing she refrained!

“But it’s turning into what might be a book,” H of Dept continues. “I have so much material.”

PP smiles, I bet, she thinks to herself. “Well, a book would be cool, wouldn’t it?” PP offers.

“Oh yes! A Book out of it would be wonderful! But it is a lot of work. I see my students around campus, I work here on campus cuz it’s the only office I have, and I tell them about my work and then they stare at me glassy-eyed from taking 4 classes, and I think this isn’t a good system! To be taking 4 classes all at once. How do they do it? It gives you a real appreciation for what they do.”

PP nods, “Yeah, I often am amazed by what students can do. I’m teaching a class to international grad students, mostly from Asia, and many of them have been here only a week or two and they’re taking classes, and learning a new language and culture, and somehow getting around San Francisco. It’s amazing!”

Head of Dept nods, the wheels are turning, PP can see this, even thro her chlorine eyes. “What do you teach them? Do they bring in their own writing?”

PP chuckles. “Oh, no! I give them assignments and we go from there! But it’s a difficult bunch sometimes since they are grad students and do have degrees from their home universities, but then they come here and their English is pretty rudimentary….”

”Yes, it can be a challenge.” Head of Dept agrees. “We were thinking about offering
such a course here at Mills, but I’m not sure what happened with it.”

”Really?” PP tries not salivate, tho guesses you wouldn’t be able to see drool in the Hot Tub. “I’d love to teach this course for Mills!”

Head of D nods, “Cool, why don’t you send a resume to the director of ESL, K. S.”

”RS’S daughter?” PP wishes her mom were in academia so she could get cool jobs. On second thought, maybe not.

“Yes, tell her C S suggested you contact her.”

“Wonderful…. Thanks!” PP nods and bobbles her head in wondrous subservient job applicant mode.

“Tell me your name again?”
PP does.
“Great. And just think, if you taught here, then you could go swimming!”
”Yeah!” PP nods, thinking how she swims here already, but maybe it’d be free or she’d get a special faculty card. She loves faculty cards!

PP watches as CS steps outta the hot tub, her square swimmers body dripping in her black suit. How the hell did she get a gig here at Mills with a sabbatical and all?Not that body shape should be the criteria for full time teaching jobs with sabbaticals at snazy private colleges. If that were true....PP glances down at her slender pale thighs and sexy curvy waist. Well, PP would have LOTS of jobs!

Knowing this, PP often wonders what sets her apart. Why she’s not more ‘successful’ in her stupid career?
Oh, maybe cuz she thinks it’s stupid?

Grinning, PP is glad she doesn’t have to go read the New Testament and George Eliot, but gets to go home and write anything she wants instead.

There are some perks to being a near do well bohemian, she thinks. And she might even get a job from it!

Smiling to herself, PP heads into the locker room and spies her stuff piled up next to Amazon Thong Woman.

Yup, things are definitely looking up, she thinks as she has to bend close around ATW to grab her shower stuff, trying not to hard to not stare at her ass …

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Go to Calistoga! Drink Milkshakes!

Suffice it to say, PP is NOT a morning kitty! Any activity before 10 a.m. makes her more than slightly nauseous! This includes swimming. How the hell can all these swimmers be here, at 8:15 in the morning, working out with the goddamn swim team?

It is beyond her!

Sticking her toes gingerly in the shady water, she lets out a kitty shriek as B.S (Does he realize his initials are this? He must!) swims up to the wall, giving her a hearty smile! “HEY!!! How are you?” He stops for a moment, sparkling handsome eyes on her. This might not be so bad, PP thinks if cute B.S, the vivacious conductor of the S.F. Chamber orchestra is here, eyeing her up and down.

“It’s COLD…..” PP whines to him, taking her toes back out.

He nods, grinning up at her. “You need more body fat. You could gain about 20 lbs. Go to Calistoga. Drink Milkshakes!”

Nodding, PP smiles, drink milkshakes in Calistoga? How odd. But she does have her ear plugs in. Maybe she missed something? PP likes to partake of fine red wines while in Calistoga, which might actually accomplish the same thing as far as weight gain is concerned plus have the added benefit of a great tasting high!

“I’m almost done!” he hollers up at her. “ Then it’s all yours!” B.S. turns and starts off in a manly splash.

Dubiously, PP puts her fins on for added speed in the freezing cold, her nausea warning her off. She watches for a minute as B.S. clomps back. Can you clomp in the pool? B.S. can. It’s really quite impressive! It’s like a frog kick but his strong legs come clomping out on top of the water, making for much splashy activity! PP sighs as she tries to figure out how to swim around him. Or maybe she could just accidentally swim into him? Just a little bit…..

Yeah. He wouldn’t mind.
At least not till she gains that 20 lbs!

PP grins as she hops into the icy water and zips up the lane, barely missing B.S.
Yup, swimming in the mornings might not be so bad after all, she thinks, as she pauses to turn at the wall and head back in his direction!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

A Try Of The Oakland Y

“What language are you speaking?” Crooked Swimming Lane Sharing Woman asks as she climbs naked into the hot tub. All the women are naked here at the Oakland Y Hot Tub, a distinct advantage over Mills? PP is unsure as she watches the two Mystery Language Women smile in wonder.

“Is it Ethiopian?” CSLS Woman persists, smiling sweetly, her sagging breasts submerging into the bubbling water.

Nodding and smiling in delight, Mystery Talking Women grin widely, “Yes, yes it is!”
PP stares in admiration. Sure CSLSW couldn’t swim, but she could identify mystery languages. A rare talent. Especially after a swim!

Wow! Maybe the Oakland Y might have some good stories after all.

PP climbs outa the hot tub, worried about the meter. This is the major drawback to swimming here. She’d had to put $3 worth of quarters in the meter out on Broadway Auto Row. Why the hell did they rename it Broadway Auto Row anyway? Isn’t it obvious to anyone driving down the road that that’s what it is?

So, PP is trying out the Y cuz…well…remember the skin cancer scare? It was real. PP is gonna be fine, but she needs to stay outta the midday sun. Hence the search for an indoor pool. The Oakland Y was the only one she could think of….so….here she was, on a beautiful sunny September afternoon, inside the faintly decrepit Oakland Y listening to Ethiopian in the Hot Tub.

PP thinks this could be okay. There’s something vaguely international about Oakland anyway, isn’t there? Glancing around the locker room she sees a couple Chinese women, a smattering of mid aged white women, a most impressive African American Rotund Queen, her mounds of flesh folding upon themselves as she sits exhausted on the side of the hot tub, her breasts blending into her layers of belly flesh. PP tries not to stare. But not too hard. She is amazing. Reminds her of the life drawing charcoal sketches her mom had lining the garage in Hacienda Heights. “Large women make much better models” she remembers her mom saying.

Gazing at AAR Queen, PP can see why.

Out in the pool, PP has a fine swim. Has her own lane till CSLSW gets in and they almost collide. But this is okay. PP is just happy not to be worrying about the sun killing her.

And of course she makes new friends so easily. Mole Man has been ogling her for 40 minutes from the next lane, standing mostly at the wall showing off his large moley back. PP is obsessed with everyone’s moles now. But thinks she’ll write about this later. For now, MM just hollers at her, “Hey! You’re GOOD! I love watching you swim!”

Turning at the wall, PP good-naturedly thanks him as she shakes her head underwater. How does her weirdo magnet work so quickly? This is only her first time here and already she’s got MM admiring her.


Finishing up her laps, PP hops outta the pool just in time to miss pudgy Latino kid in too big Red Trunks getting into her lane. See, she’s right about the international aspect of the place. African, Chinese, Latino, White and Moles…is that an ethnicity?

PP thinks so as she heads into the locker room to shower and hurry back out to Broadway Auto Row before the Geo gets a ticket!

Mad as Hell!

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!” Remember that line? Remember that movie? Network , right? What was everyone so ma...