A FREE GIFT

“Would you mind circle-swimming?”
Goggled-Crankster Woman glared at PP through her foggy mask, “I guess not,” she replied, all huffy.
PP gets this on one level. GCW had had her own lane a moment ago and now she was gonna hafta circle swim. Hell PP detested circle swimming too, but what to do on a Sunday afternoon at the Y? She glanced at the other lanes, all with at least two swimmers in each, and a couple with 3 or more, the lane next to GCW hosting a spastic Chinese family of 4 frolicking and having fun, can you imagine? in a lap lane. Their playing did remind PP of China and how no one swam laps in any way shape or form at the Dalian Natatorium. She smiled at the memory now. But then. Well, PP wrote a Book about That!

So, GCW was just gonna hafta deal with circle swimming. No way should she expect to get her own lane, esp. on crowded weekend day in the middle of the summer! GCW paused for a moment, eyeing PP and her dear friend, MC, whom PP had been trying to get to the Y for a couple weeks, telling her how warm and friendly and welcoming it was here, and now?

Well, what kind of welcome was this?
Damn.
Fortunately, MC was over at the steps wading into the water past the Frocklickin Family and didn’t catch GGW’s inhospitality.

Shrugging and trying to make her not feel quite so put upon, PP grinned, “You’re definitely the most Organized of the lanes!”
What the hell did this mean? PP wasn’t sure, but it came out of her mouth without any self-censoring, unusual for her, but not unprecedented. GCW gave PP one final glare before shaking her head and diving under water.
PP sighed under her breath, Bitch, she thought to herself as she smiled over at MC who’d managed to swim past the frolicking family.
“Sorry it’s so crowded and we hafta circle swim,” she apologized to MC.
“It’s ok, I’m just happy to be in the pool!” MC exclaimed and took off down the lane with an elegant sidestroke.

PP giggled. MC was right. It was good just to be here in the pool. Fuck GCW. Maybe they’d scare her off!

But this wasn’t to be as they continued to circle swim, PP passing both MC and GCW a couple of times before glancing over at the Family Frolicking Lane to note a serious confrontation going on between the Father of the Family and one of the Head Honcho Lifeguards. Much hand waving from the father, and much earnest explanation from the lifeguard. PP couldn’t tell what exactly was being said since she had her earplugs and cap on, but it looked pretty intense. Perhaps some Cultural Misunderstanding? This did seem likely as the father continued to gesticulate angrily--few words seemed to be being exchanged. Hell, was all this Emotional Wrongness for MC’s benefit? First, GCW and now Frazzled Father?

PP shook her head and headed back down the lane, speculating about how the lifeguard was telling him that they couldn’t play in the lap lanes, that they had a whole side of the pool designated for this family swim activity. But Dad wasn’t having any of it. He paid his dues. His family was swimming! Hell, they were even kinda swimming laps, something that PP had never witnessed in China. Not that the Oakland Y was China, though sometimes PP felt like it was when she was soaking in the hot tub surrounded by boisterous, giggling Chinese Ladies gossiping away in their native tongue.

But now Dad was pissed off-- Why the hell did they hafta go over there with all those noisy splashy obnoxious other families?

And PP thought. That’s what you get for having a family.
You get herded into the Family Section with all the other Obnoxious Ones.
What do you expect?
Have a family, swim in the family section. It was that simple.

Turning at the far wall, PP saw the two kids get out, all skinny and shivering and then mom and finally dad following, heaving himself up on the deck and sitting there staring morosely at the now empty lane.

PP grinned.
Cool. She and MC can snag that lane, but she better move fast!
And she did, diving under the lane line and then shouting for MC, “Hey M, over here! We can split this lane!”
MC nodded, dipping under the lane line and continuing her graceful kickboard kicking down the right side of the lane.
And GCW can have her own lane back, too, PP thought; for a moment she even considered thanking her for letting them share her lane. Hell, wait a minute, it wasn’t HER lane! The Y was all about sharing, remember? It’s one of those BIG values painted up on the wall. PP grinned when she saw another swimmer get into GCW’s lane. Hah! No OWN lane for you!

Finally! It was lovely now, swimming with MC. PP was so delighted to have a friend here with her at the Y. She’d missed the social aspect of swimming so much since having to give up her Mills Midday Routine cause of the stay out of the sun dictate from the dermatologist. Sure, she'd made a few "Hello, how're ya doin?" aquaintances here at the Y, but it wasn't the same. Maybe someday, as she watched MC kick- floating happily on her back down the right side of their lane.

Later, MC was relaxing in the Hot Tub, and commented on how much she liked the Y, swimming indoors was perfect for her. She didn’t really like the sun. It actually made her feel sick sometimes.
“You’re smart,” PP had nodded. “The sun is NOT your friend!”
”Not mine, anyway,” MC had agreed. “I get sick of having to put all that sunscreen on.” She wrinkled her pretty nose and shook her head and PP had to agree. It was super nice not having to worry about sunscreen here inside the Y.
“What’s MM up to this afternoon?” PP had asked, referring to MC’s BF.
“I dunno. When I left he was plopped in front of the TV watching some King Arthur and his Merry Knights marathon.”
”That is so weird,” PP had mused. “Staying in the house all day on such a beautiful afternoon.”
”Yeah, I think so too. And lord knows he doesn’t feel compelled to do anything around the house while he’s in it!”
They both giggled. It’s an ongoing issue for MC, PP knows, the slovenly BF. One of the many reasons PP lives alone. The only slovenly one is herself and this is rare.
“Yeah, I hear you!”
“I just sequester his Mess to the bedroom. Tell him he has to keep it confined there. The rest of the apartment is off limits.”
“But you hafta go into the bedroom every night to sleep, right?”
She nodded, “Yeah….it can get a little depressing.”
PP shook her head. Thinking about how her BF, though Dashingly Handsome, did have some housekeeping issues that she was glad to have no part of. Hence he had his own apartment and she didn't have to deal with the quarantining of the mess situation. This could get ugly real fast, as MC has chronicled over the years. What a relief that PP has her own place!

Now if only she could get the landlord to put in a pool!

“I’ve bout had it.” MC cracked up as she raised her legs out of the tub. “I’m a lobster.”
PP giggled, “Yeah, me too, let’s shower and call it a day.”
And they did. Shower. Call it a day.

On their way out they tried to talk to the harried clerk at the front desk about MC getting a free one week pass since PP had brought her in—PP waving the“BRING A FRIEND TO THE Y” card in the air.
“She hasta go on the Tour,” HC sighed as she tried to explain the free tour while checking in patrons. “And I’m the only one here, so I can’t take her on it.”
”That’s ok,” MC is so calm and agreeable, “Do you have any literature I can take with me to study? Then I can come back for the tour later?”
HC nodded, retrieved some literature and handed it across the counter.
”Thanks,” MC seemed excited. “Oh, literature!” she exclaimed as she shuffled quickly through it and then popped it in her swim bag.
“Yeah,” PP agreed, “It’d be so fun if you joined! Then I could have someone to swim with and I get a Free Special Gift if you join by Sept 15,” PP was reading the back of the the BRING A FRIEND TO THE Y little card with the above enticement.
“Wonder what your Free Gift could be?” MC mused.
“Dunno,” PP shrugged, thinking how most likely it’d be something really stupid like a stuffed yellow bear with a bright red YMCA sweatshirt on, or a workout water cup with blue YMCA embossed on it, or hell, it wouldn't be anything that good, PP was sure.

But from PP’s perspective, the Best Gift would be having her friend, MC, join the Y and swim with her every Sunday! Nothing could be more special than that.

Not even having your own lane and never having to circle swim!



Penguins Circle Swimming--take a lesson from the birds!

COURAGE

Ok, PP is all for the Y’s Values.

Respect.
Honesty.
Caring.
Responsibility.

And hell, she’s all about being sensitive to those who are Differently-Abled. Can’t imagine what it must be like to not be able to walk. Or see. Or hear. Or eat. Or whatever it is that’s ‘different.’

But. And this is something that’s always confused her.
When a D-A person is about ready to kill herself cuz everyone’s afraid to offer help. Is this really what respect for their Independence is all about?

Again, confusion reigns here surrounding this philosophy, but in this particular instance, PP had to say something. No one else was going to. Or for some reason, she was the designated Leader. Why the hell was that?

That’s also a weird thing. Why is it that one person in a group is the seen as the leader? But hell, that’s another blog.

This one is about the political incorrectness of offering to help a paralyzed 110-year-old tiny African American grandma outta her wheelchair and into the hot tub. (PP doesn’t know why she assumes she’s a grandma. Maybe she’s just thinking of grandmas today since it’s hers birthday—94! Happy Birthday, Gram!)

Let’s start at the beginning.
PP’s had survived an exhausting swim. They’ve all been so lately. It’s the summer rush pandemonium plus the wrong leaking mask and her sore neck. But on this particular Sunday, August 5th, she did manage to surmount all these obstacles and get her 2200 yards in.

So now, in the hot tub, she’s beat. Barely coherent. Close to heaterzied comatose. And so…..when she opens her eyes to behold Gram in her wheelchair, she’s hardly paying attention. Besides, there are lots of Y patrons in wheelchairs. And PP is always in AWE of them. How the hell do they do it? The one legged man swimming his 10 laps. The beautiful Chinese woman with dead legs wrapped in weird blue floatees swimming for an hour.

And now. Gram is trying to unhook her electric wheelchair from a pair of black flip-flops on the side of the hot tub. The other two women in the hot tub look pointedly away even though the flip-flops must belong to one of them. Of course, Gram can’t reach down to the floor and move them, so PP hops across the tub and moves them outta her way.

Gram cranks her chair forward relieved of its obstacle. PP goes back to her corner and watches in concern as Gram starts to painfully lift herself out of the now parked chair. Her legs completely immobile, so horribly swollen. They probably haven’t moved themselves in decades.

It was so worrisome. PP watched as Gram reached for the guardrail to the tub and barely managed to grab hold. And then to heave herself out of the chair, slowly, slowly, and drag her slight body into the tub, her dead weight legs dragging perilously on the wet slippery tiles surrounding the tub.
Damn.
Shouldn’t she have someone to help her?
PP glances over at the pretty Asian woman who’s eyeing the scary scene with wide fear. She’s thinking the same thing, but looking at PP to do something.
PP shakes her head slowly. What can she do? She glances over at the other woman in the tub, a middle aged white lady in navy Speedo who stares into space, ignoring the whole drama.
How can that be?
Some people.
But as Gram inches across the wet tiles and Pretty Asian Woman nods at PP more emphatically, her eyes the size of chocolate donuts, PP sighs deeply. Yeah, she knows. Don’t offer to help. It’s the independence protocol surrounding Differently- Abled Persons.

Or is it? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe an offer of help is the only sane thing to do. Who cares if Gram gets huffy? It’s better than falling and cracking her skull on the wet tiles.

Then....a little slip. But Gram catches herself. Stands steady for a moment on the first step into the tug.
PP can’t stand it anymore.
“DO you need some help?” she hops across the tub, hopefully.
Gram stares at her for a long silent moment.
“No.”
PP heard that tone. The one that says, you stupid walking person, I can do it myself. I don’t need anyone’s help. Esp. yours.

And she was right. She did make it into the tub. Sinking thankfully onto the underwater bench to face the whirling jets.

Sighing in relief, PP inches around her. Not saying anything else. To Gram. To the pretty wide-eyed Asian woman, who now, also looks visibly relieved.

But PP wonders. What if Gram had slipped? And she hadn’t offered to help?
Wouldn’t she have felt just awful? Isn't it better to step on someone’s toes, figuratively speaking of course, rather than watch in fear as the D-A person falls and cracks her head open?

PP thinks it is better to offer the help. No matter what. And if someone snarls at her. Or declines her help with pride and coldness?
Hell, that’s ok.
At least she knows she tried.
And isn’t that what the Y is all about?

RESPONSIBITY.
HONESTY
CARING.
AND YES, RESPECT.

Cuz without this last one, the other 3 are moot.
At least as far as PP is concerned.
And one tough old courageous 110-year-old Gram!

Elvis is Cheese!

“MEEEOW!!!” PP glanced up at the watery echo as she stopped at the wall to turn to behold the always fabulous Ms. CC grinning down at her from the deck.
“Hey!” PP smiled back in surprise. “You takin the day offa work?”
”Yup!”
“Cool! And here you are at the Pool!”
“Where else? I just flew back from my high school reunion down in LA and thought, hell, it’s only 5 o’clock. Plenty of time for a swim!”
“Well, c’mon in, Kitty, the water’s fine!” and with a happy splash, PP took off back down the lane, thinking how the hell is it that CC still looked so goddamn great in a bikini? It’s like time stood still for her. PP remembered when they were housemates together over in Piedmont by the Rose Garden and CC used to go down to the gardens to sun herself in her cute little bikinis. Yup. You can take the girl outta LA, but you can’t take the LA outta the girl. And CC sure proved it.
Damn!

Sighing happily underwater, PP smiled to herself. The pool. It brought everyone together. Even CC who was never a ‘swimmer’ was hooked now. The first thing she does when she gets off a plane is head for the pool.Yup. That was proof. She’d caught the Swimmer’s Addiction. Obsession. Bug. Whatever you wanna call it, CC had it. And that was good. At least as far as PP was concerned. And CC too, she was sure.

“How was your swim?” PP asked the Lovely I as she sank blissfully into the Hot Tub after leaving CC to her laps.
“IT was the Best! I mean it! It was the Best swim I’ve had in 2 and half years!”
“Wow! Too cool.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure why. When I first got in there was this kinda splashy guy but then he got out and this really smooth swimmer got in and I tell you it was better than having a lane to myself. She was so inspiring.” The Lovely I shook her head in wondrous amazement.
“Oh, I know what you mean,” PP agreed. “Sometimes, when I’m swimming with a really good swimmer in my lane it can really push me to swim harder.”
”No, it’s not that. I don’t know how to describe it exactly. It’s just that I had the best swim.”
PP nodded. She really did think she understood what the Lovely I meant. Swimming with someone who was a Splashing Monster really made the entire experience almost heinous, but on the other hand, if the person you were sharing a lane with was super smooth and sleek and expert, it put the entire lane into another realm. It was like you were both in this other higher water plane. It was Swimming Nirvana!

“And I must tell you how much I’m enjoying Elvis.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I watched King Creole and my friend who’s this librarian film archivist said that that was absolutely the best Elvis movie and I have to say, it really was good. After you wade thro all the Cheese. And let me tell you there’s layers and layers of Cheese. Elvis is so Cheese. But once you peel all that Cheese away, well, I just hafta say, Elvis….He was HOT!”


PP giggled. Of course, Elvis was Hot. And the Cheese? PP just loved this description. Cheese instead of Cheesy. Or Cheesecake. Or….



“And I just never got it before, you know? Like I was telling you about Marilyn Monroe how I had this epiphany when I was watching The Misfits and it hit me, damn, she was HOT! And I don’t know what it is. Maybe it just takes decades upon decades of experience to wade thro all the Cheese before you really see what’s under it.”
“I think I know what you mean,” PP nodded. “But to tell you the truth, I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe was HOT and Elvis was Cheese!”
“Hee hee hee.”

Grinning, PP glanced over at the Slim Handsome Tatoo Guy whom JL had noticed years ago but had claimed he wasn’t her type. PP had thought and still did think, he was cute, but now she could tell that he was having a good time eavesdropping on the Lovely I’s Elvis Analysis.


PP smiled slowly as she watched SHTG slide out of the tub and amble lazily across the deck, stand at the edge of the deck and stretch sexy into the blue sky.

“Did you see that guy?” the Lovely I asked.
“Oh, yeah.”
“I think he liked our conversation.”
“Yeah, I think so." And who woulnd't? Elvis. Cheese. Marilyn. What’s not to like?

Watching him stretch PP grinned to herself.

No, he wasn’t Elvis.
And, no he definitely wasn’t Cheese.
And yeah, he might not be JL’s Type.

But Hell, he sure was HOT!

No denying that, as PP watched him give a final stretch, then glanced her way to give a sly smile before diving into the turquoisy golden afternoon pool.

Piano Time at the Y

“Hey! Is that Carol?” (PP’s real name outta the pool.) Damn, PP thought, someone is recognizing her on Broadway St. in front of the Y? How the hell could that be? Well, Oakland, for all it’s thousands of residents, actually was a small town. In an odd way. Though the times it had happened here at the Y, she was actually in the pool or the locker room.

Thank God she’d brushed her hair and teeth before heading to the Pool today. Sometimes she didn’t bother, esp. on a Sunday afternoon. It wasn’t like she was gonna run into anyone she knew.

Or so she thought.

Shielding her eyes from the bright sun with her hands, PP peered round the little tree shading her prime parking spot she’d scored as a smiling, handsome, dark young man came beaming toward her with a pretty blonde woman in tow.

Oh! It was DD, her mostly absent piano student. Thank goodness she recognized him, which really impressed her since she’s only met with him about 6 times in the last 6 months.

“Is that D?” PP called back, as she double-checked that the tow away signs didn’t apply to Sundays.
“Yeah. Hey what do you know? This is my wife, M. M this is my Piano Teacher. Wow!”
PP shook M’s hand, as she shifted her pool bag to the other arm. Her neck was killing her lately—-it was better today, but still the heft of the pool bag was starting to hurt.
“Nice to meet you, M. You guys belong to the Y?”
”Yeah, we do,” DD beamed. “Wow. It’s so cool to see you. We’ve been trying to get a hold of each other on the phone for days and now, well, here you are,” DD addressed his wife, who smiled in a forced sorta let’s get going way. Which was fine by PP. She didn’t really need to stand around chit chatting with her neck hurting. The hot tub was her main destination today.

“Well, who needs the phone when you have the Y!” PP joked, eliciting an amused guffaw from DD and a confused sigh from the wife.
“Yeah!” DD agreed, “Well, I guess we can just get started again in the fall on Tuesdays?”
”That’d be great,” PP nodded, trying to be professional even though she was on her way to work out. “Will Tuesdays work better for you?”
“Yeah, I think so,” he nodded, eyes shining.
“Good, cuz it’s hard to make much progress with only once a month.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just have to travel so much. But I’m still really liking Fur Elise. So I’ll just keep practicing on that and the other book….”
The wife did nothing to stifle a yawn.
“Great.” PP smiled as she headed for the stairs. “I’ll give you a call in Sept. You guys swim?”
“No,” DD shook his head. “I mean, sometimes I do in the mornings after my workout, but nah, we do weights and stuff.”
The wife headed up the stairs not entering the conversation whatsoever. Which was fine by PP. Though it was interesting to meet his wife. He was so cute and charming. Wonder what he saw in her? Oh she was cute, in a young blondey way, but personality- wise? Well, PP didn’t give her any Gold Stars.

“So see ya in Sept,” DD called out as he leapt up the stairs to catch up with M.
“Yeah, see you then. Enjoy Beethoven in the meantime!”
Turning and giving her a most charming grin, DD waved at her, “Oh yeah! You know I will!””
And with a final flounce of her ponytail, M opened the door as DD followed her into the dark cavern of the Y to do some weights and thankfully, stay out of the pool! The fewer non-swimmers, the better. PP just hoped she wouldn't see M in the hot tub, but if she did?

Hell, PP grinned as she helped herself to a couple of towels from the check-in desk, she'd just quiz M about how to do weights. Bring her out of her shell. Get some Muscle Mass tips. Oh, and try to find out just what the hell DD saw in her!

FROM THE BLIND MAN TO THE GRIM REAPER

“TALK TO ME! TALK TO ME! BLIND MAN COMIN THROUGH! You can see me! You can hear me! I
can’t see you. But I can hear you. TALK TO ME!!!! COMIN THROUGH!!!

PP watched in astonishment as indeed, the Blind Man, a Majestic African American Man in his 50’s? 60’s?, dressed dapperly in white slacks, black dress shirt and dark glasses, came barreling through the Y. Down two flights of stairs, his blind man’s white stick clacking at the rails, then down to the bottom, turning the corner, and careening dangerously close to a frightened woman trying to read about the Y’s upcoming photo shoot of YMCA members on Aug. 15.

Blind Man continued to holler, narrowly missing Sign Reading Woman, her eyes wide with fear, as PP followed behind, grinning. Of course it wasn’t really funny. But yet, it was. Catching SRW’s eye, they both giggled.

PP smiled and sighed. Maybe it was a good thing to get out of the house. No such adventures were gonna happen to her lying round in bed, feeling like a tired, bluesy lump. It was so much better to come to the YMCA and realize just how easy her life was. Hell, she wasn’t blind! Nor had she been run over by the blind man. Both good things. PP just hoped he wasn’t headed for the pool.

Now that would be an adventure.

Fortunately, no sight of him in the water. But lots of other sights abounded. Of course there were the usual suspects: The Swimming Hemophiliac got the lifeguards to give him his own lane by taking one away from the stupid rec. swim kiddies. PP liked this. The Various Chinese Lady Swimmers with their shower caps and spastic exercises. The laid-back African American Woman sharing PP’s lane, her big fins barely helping her to get across the pool.

Then the not so usual ones--today there was the group of Retards. Ok, PP knows they’re not called retards anymore, or MR’s or any such other derogatory label, what are they called? Developmentally Disabled? Ummm….rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Anyway the DD Swimmers ambled in, standing around the deck, leaning against the dingy walls, confused and frowning, numbering round 5 or 6, till their leader, an Authoritative Young African American Counselor Type, was able to procure them some pool space.

And of course, after jumping in, IT was instantaneous. The frowns disappeared. The laughter erupted. The Power of the Pool! It brought joy to everyone! Even the DD Swimmers? And why not? They deserved pool time as much as anyone else. Even the blind man, PP was certain, could have swam here at the Y. But frankly, she was glad that the Blind Man wasn’t swimming with the DD Swimmers. Though this mighta made an excellent story, it certainly woulda been too much pandemonium, esp. for PP today.

Because today, yes, the Pool was too much for her. While she enjoyed the euphoria of the DD S, she also was feeling like some CALM might have been more therapeutic. But their rapture was contagious, and PP had to grin as she watched them splashing and laughing as one of them, an enormous white guy with big splotches on his back of pink and brown, tried unsuccessfully to use a kickboard. The others gathered around, trying to show him, while their leader held up a kickboard and demonstrated on the deck, but of course he couldn’t kick. This, PP had to admit, musta been confusing for this group, and she thought for a moment, but only for a moment, of going over and demonstrating for them. But then decided, no, it was too much. She didn’t want to excite or confuse them anymore than they already were.

Then a momentary Y miracle-- PP had her own lane, but this too, was fleeting. Flailing Chinese Woman got in cuz of the swimming hemophiliac’s lane hogging. She was nice enough, grinning and trying to stay on her side, but she just couldn’t. Just kept zigzagging slowly and spastically down the middle of the lane. Every time PP wanted to swim past her, it was a delicate process, of slowing down, looking both ways underwater, (so as to not touch SH) and then blazing past her. Finally FCW got out and once again, PP was in her own lane.

Happy happy happy.

But then, damn! What the hell was that? PP stopped mid lap as a wake of white water hit her in the face. Glancing behind her, she spied the Splash Culprit who’d almost mowed her down, plow to the other side and do a fancy splashy flip turn.

Oh, One of Those!

And he hadn’t even bothered to tell her he was joining her lane?

Yes, ONE OF THOSE!!!

PP was almost done in more ways than one. Pausing at the wall, One of Those Swimmer stopped for a moment to adjust his goggles. PP glanced down at his tattooed arm. Hell, was that the Grim Reaper?




She started to grin. Leave it to PP to have the Grim Reaper join her lane. And when he saw her laughing, he smiled. Handsome, young, long eye lashes gazing thro the water drops. PP couldn’t help herself. Had to ask, “Is that the Grim Reaper on your arm?”

Nodding, he beamed. “Yeah, it’s not finished yet though.” And then he dove off in a splashy hurry. PP shook her head. Who the hell would tattoo the Grim Reaper on his arm? (For of course, it would be a guy. Somehow PP couldn’t imagine a woman having such a tattoo.) And then what about it wasn’t finished? Like was he gonna color the scythe blood red? Or give the cape and figure a darker hue?

Like it wasn’t enough that the Grim Reaper was already easily recognizable?

PP glanced up at the cute young, blonde lifeguard trying to find a lane for Confused Dark-Curls Swimmer. “Here,” PP called up to them, “you can have my lane. But watch out, That Guy has the Grim Reaper on his arm!”
Blonde Lifeguard looked suitably stricken. “What do you mean? Like he has it tattooed on his arm?”
PP nodded. “Yeah.”
“Whew. I thought maybe you meant that he had a Killer Stroke!”
PP cracked up. “NO, but yeah, now that you mention it, I do think they’re connected!”

D-C Swimmer watched fearfully as the Grim Reaper Swimmer turned at the far wall and started a splashy swim back their way.
“I think I’ll go over here,” she pointed to the lane furthest away from him as PP gathered up her fins, water and mask.
“Yeah, good call,” PP giggled as the GRS made another flip turn, splashing his wrath all over them.

Making her way into the Locker room, PP suddenly heard a booming voice, “TALK TO ME! TALK TO ME! BLIND MAN COMING IN!”

Laughing, she hoped he’d find the Grim Reaper. Why she was sure the Blind Man would be able to contend with the Grim Reaper by just bopping him with his cane. Esp. since he wasn’t finished yet….

Or....

Actually, PP just made that last part up about the Blind Man, but she had you goin there for a minute, yes?

Hee heee heee!

So when next you visit the pool, especially, the Oakland Y, beware the Hollering Blind Man and heads up for the Grim Reaper Swimmer! But if it’s adventure you want, head on over. Though do be sure to keep your ears, eyes and arms safe—you never know what Evil lurks in the halls or under the water at the YMCA!

THE LOVELY I’S BIRTHDAY AT THE POOL (and the Little Farm!)

“When is your birthday exactly?” PP had asked the Lovely I at her 'Early Birthday Party’, which is its own story, and actually does have some pool connections, but…..PP’s gonna save it for another blog and focus on this birthday!
“Monday!” the Lovely I exclaimed. “Wanna go to the pool?”
”Of course!” PP grinned. Where else would any of us want to be for our birthdays but the pool?
“…and the Little Animal Farm?” LI asked hopefully.
“The Little Animal Farm? Where’s that?”
“Up at Tilden. It’s a funny thing but every year it seems that I find myself up at the little animal farm to feed the goats. It’s kinda become a tradition.”
“What a wonderful tradition. I’ve don’t think I’ve been to the Little Animal Farm to feed the goats. Of course; let’s go there before the pool!”
“Perfect,” the Lovely I beamed.
So, it was a plan for her birthday. Naturally, PP was a part of since it involved the Pool. First the Little Animal Farm. Then the Pool. Who could ask for a better birthday?

“Hey, what’s that hanging from the goat’s neck?” LI’s GF exclaimed. “It looks like hanging nipples. Why that would give a whole new meaning to ‘necking’!”
PP and Lovely I cracked up. It was true. The goat did have these hanging thingies on its neck. Though PP thought they looked more like little furry elongated teardrops than tits. But the teat image was good for a chuckle---one of many provided by LI’s GF.
“And look at that One’s penis. Or is that another teat?”
“I think they’re all girls,” the Lovely I admonished as she took off another stalk of celery to feed to the chomping goats.
“No….that definitely looks like a penis.” GF walked around to get a better look, as PP and LI followed her dubiously.
“I still think they’re all girls and that’s not a penis.”
“Maybe he/she’s a tranee…” GF giggled. “The goats are having gender identity issues.”
They all cracked up again. The Lovely I’s GF was just too funny.

PP was delighted by the Little Animal Farm up here in the Oakland Hills. It really was a little farm, complete with a little barn, little hay stacks, a little grassy fenced in meadow for the black rams (more on these guys later) , the goats in their little pen, the cows and their little baby calves, the chickens and geese, and most astonishing of all, a GIANT sow ready to birth her little piglets any moment.
“Hey!” The Lovely I exclaimed, reading the signage on the pig’s pen, “she’s due to have her piglets today, July 17.”
“Your birthday! Today!” Necking GF enthused.
“Wow! Wouldn’t it be super cool if she had her piglets on your birthday?” PP asked.
“Oh yeah,” Lovely I agreed as she gazed over at the monstrous sow heaving asleep in the noonday breeze. “She really looks like she’s ready to have ‘em. It almost makes me wanna come up here everyday to see them!”
“Too bad her shit smells so bad,” NGF wrinkled her nose as they all head up to look at the baby calf.



“I hope the baby gets hungry and has to nurse,” LI ambled over to gaze at the enormous mama cow and her calf, who was hiding shyly in the shade out of her view. They all gathered round for while. Staring at the cows. Neither animal cooperating. Mama Cow just twitched her tail and bit her haunch to get rid of the flies. The baby just lying there, makin no move to go get some lunch.
“I wonder if she can feed herself?” NGF pondered as they watched the Mama Cow reach back to bite her backside.
“Wouldn’t that be redundant?” LI counterd. “I mean, wouldn’t that just be recycling her sustenance?”
“But then she’d be her own food source. Completely independent!” NGF proclaimed, as they continued to watch Mama Cow working her itch.
PP thought how funny it all was. Here at the little animal farm with the LI and her NGF. She needed more of this sort of animal time, esp. with this pair. They’re so funny and sincere. Just like the animals.
“I wanna walk up and see the black sheep,” the Lovely I announced, giving up on the baby calf doing anything interesting.
“Yes. Let’s!” NGF hooked her arm through the Lovely I’s as they meandered up the hill to check out the rams.


“BBBBBAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!” the rams called out, one ambling over to check out PP.
“Wow! All the animals just come right up to you!” NGF exclaimed.
PP scratched the ram on his wooly side. He’s so cute and vocal.
“BBBBAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
“Yeah, animals like me,” PP murmured, thinking how it’s always been so. Next to the pool, animals are her true love. When she was a kid, she wanted to be a vet, but then reconsidered once she got to college and found out how much math and science such a profession entailed. Plus, she knew she didn’t really have a tough enough heart for the sad moments of putting animals down when they were old or sick. So she’d given up this girlhood dream to be a vet to become a writer instead. Which was less heart wrenching, but only sometimes.
“BBBAAAAGHHHH!!!”
The all giggled. “I’ve never heard them make that noise before!” The Lovely I exclaimed.
“Yeah, they really like you, Swimming Kitty,” NGF agreed.
PP liked the rams too. They were so fuzzy and black and weird with their curly horns and vocal talkings. Wonder what the hell they’re saying?
“Wish we could take them to the pool with us!” PP mused.
“Ha! Wouldn’t that be fun!” NGF agreed.
“Yeah, I bet they’d float really well,” LI added in.
“BBBBBBAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”
Obviously the Ram agreed, but sadly they had to go to the Pool without him even though PP found it very tempting to try popping him in the Geo and carting him baaaahing down the hill to Mills!


“The Little Animal Farm was so fun!” PP said, as they pulled into the Mills parking lot and collected their swimming gear.
“Isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I can totally see why it’s become a tradition on your birthday. Do you think you’ll go back this week to see if the Sow has her piglets?”
”I’d like to. We’ll see.”
PP shuffled her stuffs around, placing the Hello Kitty Kickboard on top of her pool bag. “She’s so cute,” PP smiled as she gazed down at Hello Kitty.
“Hey!” The Lovely I exclaimed, “Is she giving the ‘Thumb’s Up?”
PP held the board up to examine it more closely and yes, Hello Kitty did have a sly little thumbs up.
“You’re right! She is! Wow! How cool. Now whenever I feel like I can’t swim anymore laps, I can just glance down at her and see Hello Kitty cheering me on with her thumbs up.”
“Hee hee heee…” LI giggled as they headed into the pool.

The late afternoon light shimmered like diamonds on the luscious blue water as PP finished up her laps, her warm down with Hello Kitty under her outstretched arms. It’d been such a lovely day. The animals. The pool. The swim.

She glanced down at Hello Kitty, bobbing swiftly under the water’s surface, and spied that sly ‘thumbs up’ and grinned.
Leave it to the Lovely I to spot Hello Kitty’s Thumb’s Up.
And leave it to PP to write about it!

Thumbs up and Happy Birthday, Lovely I from Swimming Kitty, the goats, the cows, the pregnant pig, but most of all THE POOL!

WHO NEEDS LANGUAGE?

“You……swim…..verry…..well….” Compliment Hot Tub Lady smiles shyly over at PP, blinking and nodding.
PP grins, thanks her. CHTL has no clue what PP has just said—PP’s not sure where she’s from. China? Korea? Japan? Damn. You’d think it’d be easier to tell, but just like when PP was in China teaching, and her colleague, who was 20 years PP’s junior and a brunette rather than a blonde had team taught a class, everyone in the class thought the two of them were twins.
All Westerners look alike to Asians.
And all Asians look alike to Westerners?
Oh well, everyone at the Y today is good humored about it.
“Where are you from?” PP continues gently.
CHTL nods, smiles….”Korea.”
”Ah…..how do you say ‘Pool’ in Korean?”
CHTL continues to smile and nod at PP. Obviously she has no idea what PP’s saying.
“IN THE KOREAN LANGUAGE….. “Another woman, of Asian descent tries to help out. “HOW DO YOU SAY POOL?”
CHTL continues to smile, then glances over at her friend who’s been silently taking it all in. “First time.” CHTL points to her friend.
“Ah…,” all exclaim. “How lovely.” PP smiles. It is. Today. She’d gotten her own lane. Something that rarely happens, esp. on a Saturday afternoon. Initially she’d thought it was gonna be the circle swim lapping from hell. She’d split the lane with Mask Shower Cap woman, who with all her accoutrements looked like an Inspector for a Nuclear Power Plant in Iraq. With her clear shower cap covering her head. Her huge mask and snorkel covering her entire face. It was hard to tell what was underneath it all. But she’d been nice enough when PP asked if she could split the lane. Then Super Swimmer had gotten in. Young. Fit. Young. Young. Fast. Okay, you get the picture. Even when Nuclear Inspector Woman put on her Big Fins, SS outpaced both of them. It was a circle swim nightmare. But then, the lane next door opened up and PP gleefully dove into it. With each lap her breathing becoming easier. Was it possible that she’d get an entire lane to herself?

Swimming Heaven. That’s what your own lane is!

And it was. Heaven. Why PP’s Stupid Mask didn’t even leak very much. And when she paused at the end of her first 1000 yards, and noticed Nuclear Inspector Woman climbing out of the pool, taking off her mask apparatus to reveal a striking African American Princess, PP grinned.

Sometimes, the Y was so delightfully surprising. But then so was Oakland. That’s a part of why she’s lived here for so long. The surprise. The diversity. (PP hates that word—it’s so overused now), but it’s true, she thought as the Hot Tub conversation continued in its stilted hilarity.

“You…..swim……” CHTL paused, glancing over at her friend who was now blissfully ignoring the whole conversation. “…..1…” she held up one finger. “Hour?”

PP nodded. “Yes. I swim for 1 (also holding up one finger) hour. Do you?” PP had noticed the two friends in the Lap/Swim lane walking, hopping, and doing spastic moves with the noodles. It was a form of water exercise. Not PP’s variety. But still. It was in the Pool and it was therapeutic. PP could tell from their serious faces while in the pool and their contented smiles now in the Hot Tub.
CHTL blushed. “Yes. 1 hour.”

Now, they all smile at each other. “How do you say ‘How are you in Korean?” PP asks. More blank stares. Then Helpful Woman volunteers an idea. They all nod and smile. PP has no clue what they’re saying. She doesn’t know Korean, obviously, or Chinese, which is evidently where the Helpful Woman is from. So PP tries out her one phrase of Chinese, “Ni Hao Ma?” is Chinese for how are you, right?”
She frowns, shakes her head. “No. that is Mandarin.”
”Oh….” PP shrugs. She thought Mandarin was Chinese. Evidently she was mistaken. “How do you say it in Chinese?”
”You mean in Cantonese?”
“Yeah…”
Helpful Asian woman rattles off a phrase. PP doesn’t catch even one syllable of it. But the Korean women smile and nod. They know Cantonese? Maybe Cantonese and Korean are similar?

PP doesn’t think so, but no matter. They are all communicating even without the same language. It’s the language of the water. They’re all blissed out in the bubbly water after their hour swims. Relaxed. Content. Those endorphins doing their job. PP still surprises herself about what a difference swimming makes to her State of Being. She can be totally cranky, emotional, depressed and then she goes swimming. And Voila! She’s blissed out.
It’s a miracle. Really it is.

And she knows this is a common theme that she’s written about before, but she keeps coming back to the Miracle of Swimming. And thinks, who the hell needs Language when you’ve got swimming?

“Bye Bye” she calls out to the gang in the Hot Tub. “That’s English for good-bye.”
They all giggle and wave as PP languidly makes her way outta the Hot Tub and heads for the Sauna, relishing in the lack of language that can make swimming such a restorative respite from her workaday langaugy world!

Vichy Springs Finale

“Goddamnit!” PP cursed under her breath. “Are those the gleeful shrieks of children frolicking in MY POOL???!!!”
Shit. And it was her last day, her last swim at Her Vichy Springs Pool.
HOW DARE THEY ALLOW CHILDREN IN HER POOL ON HER LAST DAY!!!

Yet even PP had to admit that she’d been lucky so far to have escaped this scourge of summer. Children in her pools! Esp. here at Vichy Springs. Hell, why would anyone bring their kids here? What was there for kids to do here? No T.V, no computers, no video games.

But hell, there sure was a terrific pool.

So, of course, if there were kids here, that’s where they’d be. At her pool. (Has she said that enough times? But it had felt like her pool so far. Why Oooh Why couldn’t the little Demons have waited one more day before diving in with their shrill obnoxiousness? Was that so much to ask?)

PP didn’t think so, but no one was asking her. Esp. the kids.

Trying not to cry, or scream, or run away, PP made her way toward the pool in anti- child trepidation. She just wanted to get in one last swim before they had to check out at 12 noon. Maybe the kids wouldn’t be so bad, she tried to console herself.

Or maybe she could just drown them.

PP laughed to herself as she opened the white picket gate and caught her first glimpse of the doomed culprits. Two little girls, maybe 7 or 8 years old, jumping and screaming in the water, with mom on the cell phone and bored big sister picking her toes lazily on one of the lounge chairs.

Damn, PP thought, a whole family group. Is that redundant? Aren’t families always groups? Well, maybe some are more group-like than others. Ok, whatever. The main thing is to just get in the water herself and make sure the little girls stay the hell outta her way.

And they did, of course, even though they were eager to tell PP all about it. “IT’s COLD!!!” one of them hollered at her. PP nodded, trying for a smile under her mask. At least they know the first topic of pool conversation. The water temperature. “You won’t like it!” her sister yelled in confirmation.

PP nodded, “Yeah, I know it’s cold. But I bet I can do it.”
The two girls stared at her a moment in utter confusion. She speaks? Then one of them splashed the other, diving under to pull her down below the turquoise surface,
Great, PP thought, they can drown each other as she dove into the coldness.

But, Damn, they were right. It was cold. Well, maybe it’s for the best today since they had to leave in just over an hour. The noon checkout was looming over PP’s watery workout. Why couldn’t they just stay one more day?

Well, 185 bucks a night pretty much sealed the deal. One day was all they could afford for now. And PP had to admit, it’d been a very good swimming resort, even with the little girls. Stopping to turn at the wall, she spied through her foggy mask one of them out of the water up on the deck trying on PP’s new Zoomer fins.

Goddmamnit. Those kids better not hurt her fins! But as she watched them try to walk on the deck, the fins flopping hopelessly too big on their dear little feet, DHBF got up from the lounge chair and said something to them. PP could just hear him—“You girls really shouldn’t be playing with those. They don’t belong to you or the pool. They belong to HER!”

The fins came off fast. Then more diving into the deep end and more shrieking at the cold, one sister’s little teeth were actually chattering when PP glanced up to make sure she didn’t run ‘em over.
“Hey!” PP called out, pointing, “Your teeth are chattering! You better get out before you turn into an ICE CUBE!!!”
Chattering Teeth Sister giggled, shaking her head, before diving back underwater, her sister hot on her trail.


II

“They’re pretty Draconian about it,” Indignant Family Man shook his head as PP, outta the icy pool now, tried to get warm in the Hot Tub. “…..making us check out at exactly 12 noon. When we asked if we could stay a little longer, till say 1 or 2 so she can swim,” he pointed to yet another child, this one quietly staring at a lizard on the side of the tub, “...they said we’d have to pay an extra fee. Can you believe That?”

DHBF started in, playing Devil’s Advocate. His favorite pastime. “Actually, I think they’re not so bad. I mean, they do let us stay till noon. A lot of places make you get out at 11.”
“I just think for 256 bucks a night, they could be a little more lenient ‘bout the check out time,” IFM sighed heavily as his mother, the slight German frau, 84 years old, smiled in blissful unconcern.
“Daddy, can I go in the pool now?” Lizard Watching Daughter whined.
PP thought, yeah, sure, go for it kid, now that I’m out of the pool and could use a little peace and quiet in the hot tub before hitting the road back to the stupid Bay Area.
“Sure, Sugar Mouse, let’s go swimming before they charge us another 100 bucks for being 20 minutes over their check out time.”
PP thought how nice the Vichy Springs Staff had been to them the day before. Letting them use the pool before check in time and not charging them. She decided not to say anything about this to IFM. He was bitter enough. No sense in fanning the flame.
Sugar Mouse jumped out and began whining for her flip-flops, her towel, her soda. German Gram shook her head, the child was so spoiled. “Don’t make your Daddy go and get all of those things for you, Barbara.”
“Nah, it’s ok. She’s on vacation.”
GG sighed and glanced over at PP and DHBF who was now engaged in talking to the two little girls who’d been PP’s Shrieking Buddies in the Cold Pool. “Are you two Twins?” he asked, playfully.
“Yeah…..my name is Liz and her name is Grace.”
“Oh, and was it you, Liz that was looking at the Lizard over at the pool?”
Liz nodded seriously. DHBF glanced over at Grace, “Too bad they don’t have one called a Graceard….”
Grace stared at him. Completely stupefied. What the hell was the Nice Man talking about? Of course they were called Lizards and not Graceards! Silly Man!
“What time is it, Honey?” PP asked from under her visor as she glanced up at the noontime sun. It must be almost Time.
“Oh,whoops! Yeah, it’s almost 11:45,we gotta get goin, don’t we?”
“Yup, ‘fraid so….”
PP sighed. Here was her old nemesis, TIME, to take her away from her Pool Paradise…
Damn!

But yet, she really couldn’t complain. It had been a lovely visit to Vichy Springs.

Sighing happily, PP picked up her cap, mask and water and headed back to their cozy little room. She knew that this was the end of this Vichy Springs Chapter, but of course, there’d be a Sequel, complete with serene solitary swims, serious swimmer discoveries, and yes, even delightfully obnoxious little girls. For after all, PP was once one herself, claiming whatever pool was in the vicinity for her own play.

It had started early, her Pool Obsession, with no end in sight-—Thank Heavens for Little Girls! PP sang to herself as she meandered back across the lush green lawn, the shrill shrieks of children echoing softly behind her.

Vichy Springs Pool –Swim Number Two!

After their exciting waterfall hike where many wildlife sightings had surprised and delighted them, (a mommy pheasant mewing, really! Mewmewmewmew….to distract them from her babies according to DHBF; a sweet little frog that let DHBF take his or was it a her? how can you tell with frogs? picture; several shy deer grazing on the dry grasses; and a SNAKE!!! which elicited a suitably horrified shriek from PP—DHBF running to her rescue but not actually participating in the snake sighting since he’d finally gotten the perfect frog pose so the snake was gone before he got there. ‘Was it a rattlesnake? ‘ he’d asked, all concern and worry. ‘Nah, just a garner snake….Or was it a Gardner Snake? What are those snakes called anyway? It was one of Those.’ PP was just glad that she hadn’t stepped on it.), PP and DHBF really needed another delicious cool swim in the Vichy Springs Pool!

Back in their tidy little room, PP couldn’t wait as she hurriedly put on her suit and skipped across the lush lawn to the pool, shady and inviting in the late afternoon sun.

And miraculously, No One was swimming!!! There was one floral suited swimmer lounging on her belly that offered to take their picture together, but PP just wanted Her Picture taken at Her Pool as she posed in many sexy funny Esther Williams frames. (Hey, wonder if Esther Williams had swam in this pool? Bet so PP thought as she slowly inched in to its cool delectability.)

Shivering slightly, PP dove in again for the second time that day, the water folding over her in cool rippling blueness. PP even did some backstroke to gaze at the oak trees, circling hawks, and hot hazy sky. Yet also to give her eyes a break from the mask and the chlorine. (Though the VSP seemed to have less chlorine. Of course, it was a resort and there were no kids. At least so far.)

DHBF dove in too. At least PP thinks he did. She was so deliciously self- absorbed in her perfect pool world that she wasn’t really paying attention to anyone or anything till Polka Dot Suit Woman showed up with her alarm clock. This was really funny, PP thought to herself. What’s she doing with her alarm clock at the pool? PP continued to swim on her back so she could spy. PDSW pulled one of the chairs over to the side of the pool and set the alarm clock on it. Then stretching her full white arms in the sun, prepared to enter the pool.

Ah….PP thought. A Serious Swimmer. She’s timing herself and has brought her own clock since there’s not one at the pool. PP hadn’t even noticed this. Time had disappeared for her when she was swimming in this Pool, which was odd now that she thought about it. She was always so obsessed about time. How long she swam. (Usually 45 minutes, sometimes 50) What time it was. (Is it after 4? Can she go outside now?) Or when she had to be somewhere? (The BART is leaving at 2:49 and it’s 2:34, she’ll never make it!)

Time is such a curse in our world. Or at least in PP’s world. It would be so much more relaxing if it would just go away! And maybe this was another magical value of the Vichy Springs Pool—-Time Vanished. It became all underwater and liquid and inconsequential.

At least till her tummy growled and her head started swimming. Food. She couldn’t ignore her body’s annoying need for sustenance. Damn. Wasn’t the pool enough to sustain her?

Evidently not as PP was forced to abandon her pool, and leave it to Polka Dot Woman, who of course, was happy to have The Pool all to herself for her timed swim. Who wouldn’t?

Clock or no clock, the Vichy Springs Pool was a world onto itself, and if that sounds corny, well, then Hell, you just don’t know anything about the Je Ne Sais Quoi of Pools!
(Thanks to the Lovely I for this perfect description of the Vichy Springs Pool—)

Now, if only PP could capture this feeling of timelessness in her every day world? But how?

Closing her eyes, and imagining this pool might help. At least until Time intruded as it always does. Damn! What’s a PP to do?

Grab a cookie and head for the pool, what else? Grinning, to herself, PP thought this was the answer. At least for the time being.

~to be continued~

The Vichy Pool At Last!

“It’s $40 a piece for day use…..” Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend gave PP that, sorry, doesn’t look good expression as he hung up the phone in the stuffy little Economy Inn Room.
PP really needed to do something good this day, esp. after her 20 scream shower at the Economy Inn when the hot water had suddenly disappeared.
“How many times do you think you said, ‘Fuck’?” DHBF had asked as they sat sipping their coffees under a tree in the Ukiah Town Center Park, later that morning.
“I dunno…..maybe 20.”
“Ummm…. Yeah…that sounds 'bout right,” he agreed.
PP glared at him.
“Not that you weren’t justified…..”

PP sighed. She really wanted to go to the Vichy Springs Pool. She’d wanted to since she had first spied it six months ago on another trip down from Eureka, but back then in January, it’d been too damn cold here in Ukiah. She’d gazed at the silent crystal pool in wistful frustration, tempted to dive in anyway, but she was way too sensitive to cold. Such a swim woulda certainly elicited more than 20 ‘fucks….’

So, now that it was summer, and they were in Ukiah once more, she’d come up with the idea to visit this stupendous pool again and SWIM in it. But....40 bucks a day?
Hell, they may as well rent a room and stay the night…..
Hey, why not?

“Call ‘em back!” PP jumped up and down, excited now at the prospect of actually staying and swimming at the Vichy Springs Resort. “Maybe we can get a room and just swim all day long!”
Grinning, DHBF had made the call, gotten a ‘yes’ there was a room available, but they better reserve it. They were filling up fast for the Convention. What the hell convention would they be having in Ukiah, PP wondered. Must be a Cow Convention, is all she could think of as they threw their stuffs in the Cobalt and left the Economy Inn in the dust—though not before one final tender thought for the blissful little pool that’d been so perfect the night before.


II


PP gazed over the fence at the still turquoise beauty that was the Vichy Springs Pool. Olympic sized is what was advertised, which maybe was true in 1935 when it was built. Today, it looked about the same length as Mills or the Y, but the setting….well, nothing could beat it. The shady sycamores and pines overhanging the right hand corner. The sweet little white picket fence surrounding the pool.

But best of all…..NO ONE was in it!

PP had been sorely worried that it being summer, the pool would be full of screaming children. It was the season after all. But maybe since it was the middle of the week and they were early, it was before noon, the kids hadn’t arrived yet.

Or maybe they didn’t allow kids in the Vichy Springs Resort?

Somehow, PP doubted this, though hope did spring eternal. But now, seeing the pool ready and waiting just for her, PP couldn’t wait. She hadda dive in right now. But oh…could she? Since they were so early, they probably couldn’t check in yet. Damn!

Heading back to the office, PP’s heart was racing. She wanted to swim in this pool so much. It was like a Magnificent Obsession that finally would be realized.
How weird was she? People don’t get obsessed over pools, do they?

Their loss, she thought to herself as she met DHBF grinning on his way outta the office.
“Sean said, no worries. We can go ahead and use the grounds before we check in.”
“Does that mean the pool?” PP jumped up and down, clapping her hands.
“Yes, sweetie, that means the pool. Though we could go for a hike to the waterfall first if you’d rather….”
PP gave him an incredulous stare. Was he serious? No, she could see that twinkle in his eye. He knew better. The Pool was the priority. And that was that!


III


Poised on the edge of the pool, she shivered in anticipation and coolness. The water was clear and glassy, though a bit chilly. Sucking in her breath, PP grinned at DHBF who stood watching her from under one of the shady trees. So gallant, he was gonna let her have the first swim to herself.

What a luxury!

Diving in, PP felt the mineraly water wash over the top of her head as she stroked the still water, cutting through its turquoisy goldenness at a good cold induced clip, the honeycombed reflections on the pools bottom reflecting the noon day sun she’d said ‘fuck it’ to for just this once.

And it was worth it as she swam back and forth. No one in sight except DHBF now seated on one of the lounge chairs reading a mystery.

PP was in Pool Heaven. Her Pool Heaven. Her Vichy Pool!

At least for a little while as she turned and headed back down the center, grinning to herself as she swam over the tiled “Vichy” mosaic laid out on the pool’s sacred bottom.

~to be continued~

The Economy Inn

"There’s a pool….” Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend coaxed, tired, hot and patient after their long, HOT hike round Mendocino Lake. Idling on the side of N. Main St. in downtown Ukiah, PP needed a pool and she needed a pool NOW! But The Economy Inn?

“I dunno…..” PP glanced dubiously out the window, squinting in the afternoon heat. There did appear to be a small pool, behind a cement walled enclosure under the Economy Inn Signage: EVERYONE WELCOME. HBO IN ROOM. AIR CONDITION. MINI FIDGE.

Maybe it was the mini fidge that PP found most dubious about the joint, not to mention the deserted parking lot. So, okay it’d be quiet, but quiet in that sorta seedy creepy way.

“Let’s keep looking,” she murmured. “Maybe there’s a better one with a pool up the road a bit.”
“Sure, no problem,” DHBF pulled into the traffic, keeping his eyes peeled for the next available hotel with a pool.

Actually, PP had already found the Ukiah Community Pool, by following the Emerald Green Parks & Rec sign: Golf/Pool--Turn here, Now here! Okay, here we are!) But her intrepid pool nose only led to Pool Frustration, complete with cranky rude lifeguards and lines of screaming children gearing up for swim lessons. When she’d asked the harried sullen teen at the front window counting the day’s take if there was lap swimming, she’d just shrugged and said “Probably.”
“Probably?” What the hell does that mean? Of course, PP refrained from blurting this out, though it was hard, but she did manage to ask if ‘probably’ was happening today or tomorrow?
“Probably tomorrow.”
“Like probably when?”

”Well, the pool is open from 1-5.”
“So, will you have lap swimming then?”
You know what she said.

Needless to say, PP was a bit cranky with the vagueness of the Ukiah Teen’s response and so when the quest for a hotel pool began, she was in no mood for any more ‘probablys’!

DHBF pulled over to the side of the road, next to the Cabanna Royale Inn. Frankly, there was nothing Royal about it. Limp pathetic palms dying in the heat. A wrong coral colored wall with too big dirty windows showing an over bright lobby.

But there was a pool.

“What about this one?” DHBF asked dubiously.
“No.”
“It has a pool.”
“Yeah, I see that.” Actually, she didn’t really see the pool, but assumed it was somewhere behind the coral wall with the most dead palm drooping over it.
“Can we keep looking?”
“Sure, sure…..” DHBF is beyond patience with her when it comes to pools. She guessed it was because of his sweet nature, but then when she thought about it, he was most likely this way for self-preservation.

“What about the Motel Voll?” PP pointed to the side of the road where a cute lemon motel with a mural of a grape vine on the side of the lobby wall sat invitingly in the shade.
“But does it have a pool?” DHBF joked.
PP scanned the parking lot and the area surrounding the motel. A rectangular garden to the side of the motel was suspiciously shaped like a pool.
“Hey!” DHBF scoffed, “Do you think that USED to be a pool?”

”Sacrilege!” PP exclaimed. Filling in a pool should be against the law. Especially when she needed one! “Let’s get outta here!”
“Done!” DHBF stepped on the gas of the Chevy Cobalt, lunging back into the afternoon Ukiah rush hour at a roaring 23 miles per hour. Those, Cobalts! Built for the quick getaways.

“Hey, a Motel 6!” DHBF called out.
PP glanced crankily at the swarms of fat bikini moms and screaming kids jumping into the pint sized pool. Across the street was the helicopter take-off field. What a great combo. Shrieking kids and obnoxious whirly birds.

No thanks. Pool or no pool.

“What do you wanna do?” DHBF pulled away from the curb, doing a crazy U turn taxi driver style. “I don’t think there’s anything else down this way,” he explained, as PP gripped the side of her seat. Part of her liked the dare devil cabbie moves, and part of her didn’t.

At this point, she didn’t care. She just wanted a pool. Any pool. And if she didn’t get in a pool soon, she was gonna have a meltdown in stupid Ukiah.

“Let’s just go back to the Economy Inn,” she sighed.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, it was close to downtown. We could walk somewhere for dinner.”
DHBF grinned his sexy smile, “And it had a pool.”

20 minutes later, after checking in with Mr. Patel and airing out the Lysol infested room, PP was happily swimming back and forth in the adorable little Economy Inn pool, delighting in the magic of “MINI FIDGE” hanging above her every time she turned round, which was often. The pool was very small.

But it was a pool! And it was perfect! No one else was there. The water was clear and cool. So refreshing after their baking Lake Mendocino hike and cranky search for the pool.
But now.
It was heaven as she splashed back and forth, the water welcoming her with its enchanted silky embrace. It does just go to show you. It doesn’t matter for a PP how big the pool is or where it is.
It just has to be wet to satisfy her Pool Lust.
Oh, and be screaming kid free, Please!

So, in the end, the sign was right.
Everyone was welcome!
At least if they could swim!
And with a happy splash, PP pounced on DHBF in the lovely little pool, wrapping her legs around him in blissful pool purrs.....

My Pool at Vichy Springs!

Stories to come! Twin Girls trying on PP's fins. Cool turquoisy peace in the late afternoon heat.
Alarm clock lady with loud polka dotted suit.....
Suffice it to say, PP has wanted to swim in this pool since the moment she saw it last winter. Read all about it this weekend......if you dare!

~to be continued~

Suburb Pool Rant

Okay, PP thought it would be a good idea. Stop by the Y on her way home from work. Sure it was in the suburbs, but hell, there were certainly good things about this, right? A parking lot. No traffic thro the odious Caldecott tunnel since she’d be two hours later. A bright friendly suburban swimming experience in Sunny Pleasant Hill, right?

WRONG!!!!

The DeutscherSchlecter Y was from hell on every level. Screaming Children. Rude Lifeguards. Fat leachy cigar smoking middle aged white guys. No they weren’t smoking cigars at the pool, but if they coulda been, they woulda been.

Why do the suburbs have the reputation of being so safe and friendly when in reality they’re so alienating and frustrating?

The bored teen at the front counter was nice enough.Llet her in with her Y Oakland Card. Picked up the pool schedule, glanced at it yawning, and told her that "Ya, there’s lap swimming now, at 4:30, 2 lanes."

Purrfect, she’d thought. She really needed a swim after her long day reviewing research papers on line about food addiction, erectile dysfunction and undocumented immigrants. That’s one thing she could say for the job—the variety of paper grading was there.

But the variety at the Y?
Nothing but goddamn screaming families. Taking over the entire pool. PP slowly made her way out onto the deck in the blazing heat, her sun protective shirt sticking to her. She really needed a swim NOW!!!

But the prospects looked less than promising. Esp. when she asked the surly lifeguard at the helm. “Excuse me?”
Grunt
“Uh…..the guy at the front counter said that there’d be two lanes for lap swimming?”
“One of the lane lines broke.”
“Excuse me?” PP repeated, standing in the glaring light. What the hell was he saying? That cuz a lane line broke there’d be no lap swimming?
Evidently.
She stepped aside as two teenage girls in their matching American Flag Bikinis cannonballed into the pool, shrieking with the abandoned hysteria that only teen girls from the suburbs can .

Frowning, PP continued to try to get a response outta the lifeguard, “So, then.....will there be no lap swimming? “
Shrugging he didn’t look at her, “Don’t know. Go ask one of them.’
“Who?”
‘The swim instructors over there”—he pointed in huffy perturbness—“ask them when their lessons are gonna be over.”
Shit.
PP made her way over to the lesson guards, knelt down and asked. One bleached blonde just steered her child charge away, ignoring her, another one glared at her and announced to the air that she’d be done at 5:30…..

Ok, what to do?

PP could scream.
She did consider this for a moment. But then decided that no one would notice her, let alone pay attention.
She could leave.
She also considered this, but then thought, what the hell, she was here now. It was only about a half hour away.
So, she’d wait.

But where?
All the chaise lounges were taken up with either lazing middle aged men (What was up with that? Didn’t they hafta go work in the Big City every day to support their screaming kids and expensive wives?) or littered with harried moms in oversized gold rimmed sunglasses trying to keep the kids from killing each other.

PP was so glad she lived in Oakland. She complained about it often. The traffic. The overcrowding. The expense. Hell, the pool was often full of kids at the Oakland Y too. But for some reason, they didn't seem so.....Suburban?
Yeah, the big city swimming kids were excited to be there in an awe way. Not a yawn way.

So it shouldn't surprise her that whenever she visited the suburbs for any real necessary experience like swimming, where you’d think the BEST swimming would be, right? she realized that Oakland had been her home for so long for good reason. And even though the Y downtown was often crowded too, there was a friendly big city welcoming feel to it. Not this cold can’t be bothered with anyone but my fr%%**##king children attitude.

The suburbs. They were selfish as all get out.

Why is that? PP is too tired to analyze now. All she knows is that when 5:30 finally rolled around with still no sign of any lap swimming going on so she just got into the swim lesson lane and swam around them, and then when she asked the lesson guard what the hell was up with lap swimming and she’d just glared at PP and said she’d be done with her lesson at 5:40 and then this Ancient Guy from 1876 got in too and started swimming /sinking cuz his legs were so heavy and then a Look Liked She Knew What She Was About Woman got in and when PP asked her if it was always anarchy at the pool and she’d given PP a blank stare PP realized she either probably didn’t know what anarchy meant or she probably didn’t know what anarchy meant……

Well, PP decided, that yes, it was nice to miss the goddamn traffic inching thro the heinous caldecott tunnel, but it wasn’t worth trying to negotiate the insanity traffic in the pool at the DeutcherShlecter YMCA.

It was worse than China.
And that was saying a lot!
Bye Bye Burbs!
Hello Oakland!
Welcome Home and don’t ever, ever, EVER Go Back to THAT POOL again!

The Caw of the Wild

PP had every intention of going to the Y today, but then the Caw of the Wild interrupted and her plans could do nothing but change.


It all started yesterday, really, when PP, in her Saturday morning pre-work daze was sucking down a large coffee and trying to understand why Paris Hilton had to go back to jail. And the damn Crows! They were outside just going nuts. Cawing and swooping and CAWING and swooping and just being completely Obnoxious! PP had cursed them repeatedly in between swigs of Joe and mouthfuls of muffin.

Godamn Birds. What the Hell is their problem? They don’t have to go back to Jail like poor Paris. They had their freedom. What were they complaining about?

Well, she’d found out soon enough when she’d gone out to dump the kitty litter in the trash out back and saw It.

A poor limping pitiful baby crow….actually it looked like a teenager. Not a big full grown guy, but not a tiny baby either. It was painfully trying to make its way away from her to hide behind a trash can or under the neighbor’s porch.

PP had almost started crying.

Oh no….a hurt little crow? No wonder the other crows were so upset. Their baby was injured and they were trying to protect it or at least ward off any predators. Namely stupid Pablo.

But what to do? PP tried to approach the wounded little guy, but then it had limped away, falling on its side and then picking itself up again…before tottering under the fence and out toward the street.

Almost in tears, PP had shaken her head. What to do? What to do? She obviously couldn’t catch it, but if she didn’t catch it surely one of the cats would.

PP locked her three felines in the apt. for the day and then feeling horribly helpless and guilty got her stuff together to head off to work, but not before chatting with a tall elegant woman who had happened into the courtyard, glancing up at the cawcaphony of crowdom. PP had immediately pounced on her, telling her about the injured crow and voicing her frustration over what to do about it.

Elegant Woman shook her head, taking a long slow sip of her latte, “You know, I don’t really think you can do anything. Once I tried to rescue a dove, its chest was all bloody on its lovely white feathered breast, and I caught it in a towel and put it in a bag and took it to the SPCA and they looked at me like I was crazy and said we can’t do anything about this.” EW sighed softly. “So, I learned from that experience. It’s better to just leave Wild Life alone and let nature take its course.”

PP had nodded, gotten in the car and headed off to work, but still the image of the baby bird limping pitifully in her back side yard was so vivid and sad……she just couldn’t get it out of her head as she drove down 24 in the hazy morning light.

She had to do something!

So, she called JL, her best friend and Bird Expert who’d once saved a Wedding Dove from Mills Pool…ah, another pool story, but that’s hers. Of course, JL wasn’t answering her phone, after all, it was only 9 a.m., so PP left a message from work explaining the Crow Crisis back at her house and hoping that JL would have time on her hands to rescue the poor little guy.

Later PP got the story. How JL and PP’s neighbor, Willa, had both tried to find the injured crow. Had searched all over the compound for a good long while.

But no Baby Crow to be found.

So, JL had conjectured that it had simply been stunned and had flown away. Or someone who liked crows, people do, had picked it up and taken care of it or it had just gone off and died a quiet death in some safe place…..

PP had almost started to cry again. Why the Hell hadn’t she just stayed home from work and tried to catch it when she could have?
DAMN!

Yet she told herself that she had tried. JL and W had tried. Plus, maybe it was true what EW had said. It’s better to leave wild things alone…..

So, today, when she was washing out the cat bowls before heading off to the pool, PP was looking out her window and spied her Big White Pablo Cat slowly stalking something out in the ivy…..

Damn….she thought. What if the baby crow is still here and Pablo gets it?

Rushing out, PP had hurried over to where Pablo was slowly stalking, scooping him up just at the moment she saw the baby crow limping hopping into the safety of the ivy, the Parent Crows dive bombing and cawing up a ruckus.

Oh, no! The baby is still here! Now PP had to do something, but what?

Fortunately, Willa was around and so when PP frantically knocked on her open door, interrupting her tooth brushing, at least she had some moral support and much needed assistance.

Willa…..? Willa….? Can you help me?” PP had called out.
Wiping the toothpaste from her chin, W had stepped out, “Sure, what’s up?”
“It’s the Baby Crow, it’s here. Pablo pointed it out to me.”
”Oh, no!”
“Yeah, so can you watch it while I call Lindsey Wildlife to see if they’re open today? Of course it’s Sunday.”
“Sure….” W agreed dubiously as she followed PP out to the ivy, both of them peering into the dark mass of foilage. Sure enough, the little guy was hunkered down in the leafy sanctuary, his little beady eyes darting around, terrified.
“Poor little guy….” W murmured.
“I’ll be right back,” PP had assured her, running back into the house to get Lindsey on the line. Fortunately, she’d gotten their number from JL yesterday and so had it handy.
“Hello, Lindsey Wildlife Museum, this is Tony.”
”Hi…yes…I have an injured crow that I need to bring to you and ….you guys are open today?”
“Yes, the hospital is open till 8 pm.”
Thank God, PP thought to herself. “Oh, I’m so relieved. But I don’t know what to do. I’ve never captured a wild bird before and I don’t know what to do.”
”Of course,” Tony had soothed, “Let me get someone from the hospital to talk you through it.”
“Thanks….” PP nervously held the phone as she watched Willa ducking the dive bombing parent crows while listening to a recording explaining the amount of venom baby rattlesnakes have in their bite and how the Kingfisher can do…..what? Where the hell was the person who was gonna walk her through the Crow Capture Procedure?

PP hung up and redialed. An authoritative woman answered the phone this time. “OH, hello, I was waiting for someone to help me with how to capture a wounded crow and …..”
”Did you get put on hold for a long time?”
”Yes.”
”I can help you.”
”Oh thank goodness. I’ve never caught a wild bird before and….”
”First, let me ask you, how do you know it’s injured? It’s probably a fledgling and the fledglings can’t fly.”
”I’m pretty sure it’s hurt cuz it’s limping and falling over and oh it’s so sad….”
”Ok, yes, that doesn’t sound good. Now what you need to do it get a towel and from behind put the towel over it, covering its eyes and then pick it up, being careful not to crunch its little wings or breaking any little bones.”PP had swallowed hard. Damn. Could she do this?
“Then you need to put it in a box…”
”Will a cat carrier work?”
”Yes, that will work fine, just once you get it in the box, cover up the holes so it can’t see out. It will be scared when you pick it up and drive with all these images going by.”
Swallowing hard, PP had nodded. “Okay, I just hope I can do this….”
“You definitely can do it. Now let me give you directions to the hospital.”
”What’s your name?” PP had interrupted, thinking how glad she was to have this Crow Authority helping her.
“Wendy. Now where are you coming from? Ok, get on 24 heading…..”
PP had tried to listen and write down the directions but she was so scared and nervous at this point, esp. as she could see out the window how Willa’s ducking and the crows dive-bombing Caws had both increased in intensity.
“Ok….yes….thanks, I’ll see you soon. Thanks so much for your help,” PP had hung up, her hands shaking, her heart pounding.
Could she really do this?
Grabbing the Hawaii towel from its resting place on Parker’s chair and the cat box, PP ran outside to where Willa was crouching, the pair of angry Parent Crows cawing and diving.
“I hope I can do this,” PP had repeated nervously as she approached the baby cowering in the ivy, Willa watching anxiously from the side.
Of course, the baby hopped up and started to limp away, it’s little right wing flapping helplessly, its little body flopping over sideways in heartbreaking jerks.

PP followed it with the towel at the ready. Damn. How was she gonna capture it? The parents were cawing more frantically now, diving and flapping, as the baby hopped flopped under one of the cars and then out from under it again, resting for a moment in the driveway. PP snuck up quietly behind it to within a foot, out of its vision? Or was it just exhausted and terrified? Counting silently to herself…..1….2……3…..

PP tossed the towel gently over the little guy, landing it perfectly over the top of its little crouching body.

It didn’t move.

Willa stared at PP, mouth wide open, eyes startled wide with amazement, as PP softly approached the motionless little mound, “Willa, quick, can you run over and get the cat box?”Yes there is some irony in the crow going to the hospital in the cat box….but…..PP’s life is all about cats and so this fits. Or she hoped it would!

Running back with the box, W sat it down next to the towel mound as PP gently came up behind it, her hands shaking and heart pounding, yes, it’s cliché but true, then scooping up the little guy ever so gently and placing it in the box.
Whew!
Easier than she’d thought!
Closing the box up, both PP and W breathed a huge sigh of relief as PP got out her keys and opened up the Geo. “Hope I don’t get lost trying to find this place,” she’d admitted to Willa.
“Don’t worry, you won’t. The Hard Part is over.”PP placed the cat box on the front seat, shaking her head, still nervous as hell.

But Willa was right. The Hard Part was over.

Or was it? PP tried to shake her apprehension away. What had she done? Now she had this little wild thing in a box and.....

But Willa was right, of course. Now it was up to Lindsey to help the little guy in whatever way they could. Sighing again, still nervous as hell, PP glanced down at the towel covered cat box as she started up the car. “You’re gonna be okay, little guy,” she murmured to him gently as she backed out of her parking spot and headed out to the Crow Hospital, whistling a little bird song she hoped would soothe him as she turned onto College Ave and headed off to Walnut Creek.

Driving down Hwy 24 toward Walnut Creek in the blasting Sunday afternoon traffic, PP tired to avoid another series of bumps on the road. Damn! She’d been cursing this ‘rough road’ for months now on her way to work, but it was doubly upsetting today with the little wounded guy in tow.

PP swallowed hard as she gripped the steering wheel, hoping her wounded wild passenger would survive the trip to Walnut Creek and not die of shock or heat suffocation on the way.

Why the hell was it so far away? PP felt like she was never gonna get to Lindsey Wildlife Hospital, esp. since she didn’t know where she was going.

A little rustle fluttered in the towel-covered box on the passenger seat. Sighing, PP tried to calm her nerves. A little noise was good, right? At least she knew he was still alive. “It’s ok, little guy,” she murmured softly. “Just hold tight and we’ll be there soon.” Stepping on the gas to pass a truck loaded with piles of cardboard, PP hurled down the freeway as fast as the little Geo would take her!

Pulling into the parking lot of the Lindsey Wildlife Hospital, PP breathed a sigh of relief. She’d found it! The directions from Wendy had been excellent and fortunately PP had remembered most of what she couldn’t read in her nervously scrawled notes. Of course, waiting at the signal to change after getting off the freeway at Trent and Geary was nerve-wracking as all get out. Why the hell were the signals so Goddamn long in the suburbs? But eventually it had turned green, and Lindsey fortunately wasn’t far from the highway, safely tucked in a residential neighborhood next to a recreation center with tennis courts, baseball field and probably a pool…..

But no time for that now, as PP parked the Geo and turned off the engine, hurrying around to the side door to retrieve her precious cargo. A silver SUV pulled up alongside her and out hopped a cute young Suburban Princess with a little brown paper bag in hand, its contents making little flapping noises as PP nodded to them.

PP gently carried the cat carrier into the hospital while Suburban Princess held the door open for them. Nervously, PP entered the pandemonium of Lindsey Wildlife Hospital, the front counter momentarily abandoned as personnel scrambled back and forth between waiting rooms that the rescuers had no access to. PP set the carrier up on the counter and waited nervously for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only 30 seconds or so before a Large Pasty White Woman strode out and gave her a forthright appraisal.
“Oh, hello, are you Wendy?” PP asked anxiously.
“No, Wendy works in the museum. How can I help?”
“Oh, well, she was very helpful and well……I have an injured crow here and….”
LPWW reached for the box before nodding to a Harried Looking Latina who had appeared to run the computer. “Can you describe what’s the matter?” HLL asked as she stared intently at the computer screen. PP narrated the story once more. How the little guy couldn’t fly, and yes, she knew now that fledglings couldn’t fly, but that it was also falling over on its little shoulder and didn’t seem to be able to hop on both legs, that one seemed to be injured and…….
LPWW nodded, taking the cat carrier with her. “Do you need your carrier and towel back?”
“Oh, yeah….sure, I guess….” PP had watched nervously as she disappeared into the animal fix it cubicle. “Will he be all right?”
LLPW turned, eyeing her patiently, “I don’t know. I’ll be right back. You can give your contact info to Roxanna.”
“Your address?” Roxanna asked.
PP dutifully started with the info as LPWW came back and started talking to Suburban Princess. “What happened?”
“My cat…”

”You should really try to keep your cat indoors.”
“She was only out for about 5 minutes….”SP murmured guiltily, handing over the little paper bag.
“Address?” Roxanna asked PP.
PP rattled it off.
“Sorry, I’m such a slow typist. Can you repeat that?”
“It’s a Lavender Starling,” LPWW came back to tell SP. “And it looks like your cat did quite a bit of damage in that 5 minutes.”
SP shook her head, muttered a quiet apology. What could she do now? She was here, after all.
“There are actually quite a lot of Lavender Starlings around," LPWW continued. "They are a very common bird and we’re in no danger of running out of them….”

”That’s fine,” SP had asserted. “I understand. As long as it has a quick end instead of the long slow one my cat would have given it.”Nodding professionally, LPWW handed SP a form to fill out. “Yes, well, thanks for bringing it in.”

PP tried to keep the shock off her face. They were just gonna do nothing to save the poor little Starling cuz there were plenty of them around? Damn. Maybe Lindsey Wildlife wasn’t the place to bring her Crow in after all?

PP tried not to cry about the Starling’s fate as she watched Roxanna continue to slowly type in her contact info. Turning around, PP saw a burly white guy with his fat wife and child in tow, holding a white plastic bag full of something.
“A dead possum,” he grunted, handing the bag over the counter to a worker. “And we’ve got the babies too.”
“Run over?” the worker asked matter of factly.
“Yeah, ‘fraid so….”
PP watched aghast as the bag was taken into a back room and the babies? Were they in the bag too? Whatever was in there was not moving!

LPWW returned to PP’s anxious plea, “Will the crow be ok?”
“I don’t know. When we let him out of the carrier he just seemed like a normal crow.”
“Oh, that’s good,” PP swallowed hard. Had she brought in a perfectly healthy crow for nothing? All this trauma and he was fine? But wouldn’t that be a good thing?
“So, when will you know if he’s gonna be ok?” PP asked.
“In a few days. We have very good vets here.”

”And what will you do if he’s ok? Will you release him here in Walnut Creek? Won’t that be confusing? I mean, his Crow Family back in Oakland is very distressed.”
“Yes, crows are very social animals. We’ll take him back to his original point of origin.”
“Oh, that’s good…” PP had murmured, thinking how maybe she could stop by on her way home from work and pick him up. But no, he was out of her hands now. Right?

“So, can I call you later to find out how’s he’s doing?” PP asked.
“Sure, here’s the number and the times to call. Give us a few days before you call.” Roxanna handed her a brochure with pictures of raccoons and hawks on it in tasteful evergreen line drawings.
Swallowing hard, PP smiled weakly. Her Crow was out of her hands now. She had done everything she could. Of course she could call later, but what if he didn’t make it? Would she want to know? Maybe it was better to let it all go. But yet…..

Roxanna gave PP a harried smile, “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”
“Thanks,” PP tried for a smile back.
“No, Thank YOU for having The Heart to bring him in.”
Grinning now, PP sighed. Yes, this was what it was all about—Heart.
And with a Happy One, PP made her way out of the hospital, and back to the Geo, finally ready for her trip to the pool, now that the little guy was safely in Lindsey’s Care, a place with Heart thanks to Roxanna.

The Lovely I walks (and Swims!) again!

PP really wants to write this blog about the Lovely I’s marvelous road to recovery and their first trip to Mills without the wheelchair, but she’s so tired. (PP is, well, actually, the Lovely I is tired too, esp. after their swim.)

"Why am I so tired after coming here to Mills? she had asked. I mean. I can go to water therapy and do my water walking for 40 or even 45 minutes and I’m not this tired!”
“It’s the Hot Tub,” PP volunteers. “It saps all your energy.”
“Mmm…..you might have something there.”


“We spent the day looking at faucets,” Fix It GF announces as PP drives the Geo down Hwy 580, toward the Pool. “You wouldn’t believe how advanced they are now. No washers. They’re flexible. They have this special attachment so that you don’t get scalded when someone flushes the toilet.”
“That’s what I don’t get!” The Lovely I leans forward from the back seat. “How can scalding be such a Huge Issue? I mean, I’ve never been scalded in the shower from someone flushing the toilet.”
“Me neither,” agrees PP. “But I live alone. The only way I could get scalded is if Pablo decided to flush the toilet while I was in the shower.”
Fix-it GF and the Lovely I crack up.
“You laugh, but did I send you guys that video of the cat flushing the toilet?”
“No…..I don’t think so….” The Lovely I hesitates.
“Well, it was pretty funny. This guy was getting this huge water bill and thinking what the hell is up with that? And later he discovers that it’s the cat. He’s down there in the basement, flushing the toilet over and over again with his little kitty paw so he can watch the water swirl down.”
“You’re kidding!” Fix-it GF exclaims as the Lovely I chuckles her cute, “Heee Heee Heee….”

“Have you seen the movie, Something something something the Weeping Camel something something…..” The Lovely I asks PP who can’t remember all the longness of the title. Those documentaries. They’re so specific.

“No….” of course PP hasn’t seen it. She just rents really stupid Netflix fare like Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant making silly music together and then having sex under the grand piano.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s not such a bad idea…..
Anyway, the Weeping Camel film really impressed the Lovely I who narrates the cutest part as they make their way across the parking lot to the pool, the Lovely I actually walking up the stairs by herself without PP or Fix-it GF’s help whatsoever.
“You would love this movie, PP!” LI exclaims. “It’s just so cute. When the little camel calf is born, imagine, its little hump is FOLDED OVER! How considerate!”
PP giggles as she imagines a folded over hump all soft and gray atop the baby.
It does sound cute, but frankly, not as good as the Sex under the grand piano.


“So, I hafta tell you, PP,” the Lovely I stands up in the Hot Tub gently stroking the surface of the warm water back and forth as PP climbs in. “I had a dream about you.”
PP is so flattered. The Lovely I had a dream about her? Too cool!
“I was in this store, I don’t know where it was exactly, but it was your birthday and I wanted to get you something, so of course I thought of some Cat Chotchkee (PP knows she’s spelling that wrong, but you know what she means.) and so I did find this purrfect Cat Chotchkkee I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I was very worried that you wouldn’t want it or like it and then you came into the store and I thought ohmygod I hafta hide it from you and then It broke!”
The Lovely I paused, crestfallen for a moment.
PP grinned, “That’s ok. There’s a moratorium on Cat Knickknacks anyway. You must have known this ….”
”Do you mean that in my unconscious I somehow knew that you had a Cat Chotkee moratorium?”
“Exactly!”
“But how could she know?” Fix-it GF asks, puzzled and practical.
PP shruggs. “It’s just a pool cat telepathy thing I guess.”


“Have you read this?” Fix it GF hands PP a library book while they’re waiting for the Lovely I in the locker room. Something non fiction and political. PP can tell from the cover. She barely glances at it as Fix it GF begins to tell her about it. “It’s really interesting. It’s about how the right wing present day Christian Evangelists are really just like Hitler and the Nazis. How Hitler was considered this total outside nut case until and no one took him seriously. Of course, until it was too late. Just like the right wing Christians in this country.”
”I hope it’s not too late for us,” The Lovely I shakes her head.
Fix It GF sighs. Starts to pack up her stuff to head out to the deck.

PP is in awe of Fix-it GF. She knows everything that PP has no clue about. Faucets. Politics. How to do weights at the Y (You need to be careful to not do more than 15 reps at a time and yeah, I have Neck Issues too. You just have to be careful not to lift any weight over your head.” ) And Shade Vegetables. She has an allergy to them. PP doesn’t even know what a shade vegetable is. Fix It GF educates her: potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant and some other stuffs PP has never even heard of and can’t recall now.

“When’s your birthday?” the Lovely I asks PP on the way home after their exhausting but restorative swim in the late afternoon, the sky blue gold over Downtown Oakland.
“February.” PP answers wondering why she was asking. Maybe she was planning on having another dream?
“Ummmm……”
“Hello Kitty!” Fix-it GF exclaims. “They make a Hello Kitty Vibrator.”
”I already have one,” PP grins, flattered that such a charming Lesbian would even mention such a thing to her.
“Oh…” Undaunted, Fix-It GF ponders for a moment. “How about a Hello Kitty Toaster?”
”Yes, I have that too. It makes toast with Hello Kitty’s Face imprinted on it. I can even make the Toast,” PP brags as she remembers the fancy menu of shade vegetables that was discussed earlier in the locker room.
“I would come over for Hello Kitty Toast,” the Lovely I murmurs wistfully.
“Done!” PP exclaims. She could handle this meal. All she had to do was buy some white bread and make some peppermint tea.
“Your birthday’s coming up, isn’t it?” PP asks LI as she heads over to Hwy 24 and exits at Claremont Ave.
“Yes….” The Lovely I sighs.
“Well, what do you want for your birthday?”
“Oh…..nothing that you guys can get me. What I want for my birthday is completely abstract and non purchasable.”
“Oh, c’mon, try us,” PP pushes.
“I want Muscles for my birthday,” she sighs again.
PP nods as she tries to think of a way to get these for the Lovely I.
“Maybe I could get you some sort of blow up Muscle Model or something like that?” Fix-it GF exclaims as the Lovely I climbs out of the Geo by herself and heads up to their lavender trimmed home.

PP doesn’t think the Lovely I heard this great idea, or if she did, it was just too much for her to respond to in her post swim exhaustion. PP sees how much the Lovely I has improved since several weeks ago. No wheelchair. Walking without trepidation. Swimming again at Mills.
But….
It’s a long road. PP knows this from her own recovery after her surgery so many years ago. 3 weeks to walk a half a block. 3 months before returning to teaching.
But hell, only 10 days till she was back in the Pool even though the doc told her to wait 6 weeks.
6 weeks without swimming? Can you even imagine?

And so, PP sympathizes so much with the Lovely I’s desire to get better faster.
But these bodies of ours. They have their own schedule. And it’s not up for negotiation.

Well, unless of course, Swimming is involved.

"Thanks so much for the ride!" Fix-it GF slams the car door and follows the Lovely I up to the house.
"Yes, it was so nice seeing you again," the Lovely I calls out as she stops to pick up the mail.

Grinning, PP throws the Geo into gear and sighs happily.
It's so nice to see the Lovely I and Fix-it GF again for a swim.

Now if she could just figure out how to have Sex under a Grand Piano!