“I have a
funny story about a time they had to use the PA system at the pool,” Alice
announces as she bends her head under the stream of hot water, piles of suds
covering her face.
“I didn’t even know they had a PA system,”
I comment, leaning back to just let the water soak my aching neck. The pool had
been crowded again. Sharing a lane is okay, but not my first preference. At
least I shared with Jess, a known entity, and I wasn’t in the Man Splash
Sandwich like the day before yesterday. I had been sharing a lane with a slow equipment
man that took over the entire lane, flinging wide arms and oblivious to all. Everytime he took a stroke and I had to pass him, I was afraid he was going to slice me with his hard plastic hand paddles. Then next to
me had been three men, circle swimming. So much tidal wave action. I was
rocking back and forth, gulping water instead of air.
“I think usually,” Jess offers, “they
use…. what’s that called when they yell through that cone?”
“Megaphone?” I suggest.
“Yes, that’s it, megaphone.”
“Well, this was over the PA system for
all to hear,” Alice starts chuckling as she drags a big toothed comb through
her wet hair. “I had put all of my clothes in one of the green hanging bags,
and little did I know, there was a Red Bra already in the bag!”
She laughs and shakes her head at the memory. “I didn’t see it when I threw my stuff on top of it. It was this beautiful, lacy RED bra, that belonged to Suzanne, you remember her, Jess?”
“Suzanne? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Red head, a little on the plump side.”
“That’s her! So, when I inadvertently
absconded with her Red Bra, she was beside herself. Went and told the lifeguards.
And then, all of a sudden, blaring over the PA system was: “HAS ANYONE SEEN A
RED BRA? A RED BRA IS MISSING. PLEASE RETURN IT IF YOU HAVE SEEN IT!”
“Well,” Alice continues, shaking the
water out of her comb, “I had no idea that I was the culprit until I got back
into the locker room and was getting dressed and what do I find at the bottom
of my green bag?”
“A RED BRA!” Jess and I yell.
“Exactly! I was mortified,” Alice admitted. “But looking back on it now, it was hilarious to hear the male lifeguard announce over the PA system about a missing Red Bra!Y ou could tell he was embarrassed....he could barely get the words out!
We all laughed, and I remember how just last night, Ian and I had watched an episode of Seinfeld where George interviews for a job as a Bra Salesman. He pompously tells his perspective boss about his knowledge of this most intimate of women’s garments: “The bra has two cups in the front, in sizes A through D--A being the smallest breast capacity and D being the largest--and two hooks in the back and is available in a variety of pleasing fabrics, colors and designs.”
Bras. I haven’t worn one in years. I’m
lucky that way, being of the B cup variety. Or maybe even A at this point. Yet,
I’m in the minority. Bras are a big deal for the women here at the Kennedy High
Pool. I watch in fascination as women take a seat on the wide bench, then slowly
go through the machinations to get the bra on. Hooking it in front. Shifting the
hooked side to the back. Heaving their huge melon breasts into the cups.
It’s a process!
But so far, I haven’t witnessed the
putting on of a sexy red bra. For, what could be sexier than red?
“Has anyone seen my bra?” Alice jokes
now, out of the shower, at the bra stage of getting dresses.
We all laugh. “Is it red?” I ask.
She grins, “Of course!”
Jess waves goodbye as she bounds out
of the locker room. I toss my stuff into my swim bag and follow her out, thinking
that maybe it’s time I bought myself a sexy red bra!
