Thursday, January 23, 2014

GOD SAVED HIS SORRY ASS!

PP glances disdainfully at the layout of drying clothes in a prime Utopia spot—an entire corner of the top bench. Then notices Green Faced Witchy Woman and knows they belong to her. Decides not to say anything, but climbs up behind GFWW to plop down next to Sandy.

GFWW gives her the Evil Eye. PP smiles sweetly at her as DL takes the lower bench.

“Hello, Ladies,” Sandy says.
“Hey, Sandy,” PP replies. “You back at your pool yet?” Sandy’s regular ‘club’ pool, and we can all imagine how divine that would be, has been closed for several weeks. She’s had to navigate the terrors of the Oakland Y’s pool in the meantime.
“Yes, thank goodness,” Sandy sighs. “I was about ready to kill someone the other day.”
“Really?” PP grins, eager to hear the story of course.
“Tell, me, P,” Sandy continues, “why is it that people can’t stay on their own side of the lane? I’m swimming with this guy, he’s doing the breaststroke and every time he passes me, he kicks me. Not hard, mind you, but what the f….!”
Sandy shakes her head as P nods in agreement. “Yeah, I know what you mean. The lanes are super narrow here. But that doesn’t have to matter. When I pass someone and I’m doing the breaststroke, I just glide till I’m past them.”

“Exactly!” Sandy exclaims. “So do I! But this guy…..I tell you, I was ready to have ‘words’ with him. He got out just in time….”
P nods.

"God saved his Sorry Ass!” Sandy harrumphs.
P and DL both crack up, DL’s eyes wide with delight behind her wire rimmed glasses. GFWW heaves her massive mean body up and lumbers out of the sauna. Leaving her drying clothes on the prime space still.
“Yeah, well, he was lucky,” P agrees. “I had the same thing happen to me at Hilltopia. This man kicked me so hard when he passed me doing the breaststroke that I had to get out of the pool. That was a Man Kick that felled me!”
DL laughs.

“I think you came up with that term, DL, ‘Man Kick’?”
“Yeah, I think I did.”
“Well, I’m sorry that happened to you,” Sandy shakes her head, “but I tell you, this guy was just out of line. I’m glad to be back at my pool.”
“I bet,” P nods as DL rises and stumbles out of the sauna.
“Oh, there goes the Canary!” Sandy exclaims.

“Yup,” P agrees, “must be almost time to go.”
“That it is, that it is.” Sandy sighs, taking a large slug of her water and then pouring the rest over the top of her head.
GFWW lumbers back in. Gives P another Evil Eye. What the hell is up with that? P wonders. What had she ever done to her? She was even being nice today by not commenting on her drying clothes that were breaking all the rules.

Later DL tells P how she gives GFWW the Evil Eye back. Sicilian Style. Once again, P wishes she were Italian. No words would be necessary. Just one look and wham! All would be well!

2 comments:

Ruth Jameson said...

When I played Tennis a lot, I practiced the closed teeth Grin...

works wonders...

Cj said...

I bet! Closed Teeth Grin (CTG)--very intimidating, I bet! Thanks for reading, RJ!