Showing posts from July, 2010


“I tell you of this friend of mine. He is criminal. All of his life. He tell me he will always be criminal. He will always steal.”
“That is so sad.”
“It is, but he say it is all he know. That since he little boy, he steal.”
“And now he is grown, yes?”
“Oh, yes, he is a man now. But I tell you, I watch my stuffs around him. Even though he my friend.”

They laugh. PP stretches her arm up and over her head, the warm wood soaking into the sore muscles. She’s not going to participate today. It takes too much energy. But yet….

This resolve only lasts till Is So Sad Woman leaves. Friend of Criminal remains in Hilltopia. Alone with PP. So, the conversation must go on.

“I tell them upstair not to let children in here,” FOC scoffs.

PP sits up for this. She hates hates hates the kids in the women’s locker room.

“What did they say?” she asks. “You know, I also swim at Oakland, and no way do any kids even step foot into the women’s locker room. Those women would not stand for any screaming children in the…

Sorry for the Inconvenience....


Trudging up the stairs to the Oakland Y, PP spies the signage on the door. Shit. It can’t be. She can’t even read it. How does she know it’s about an ‘emergency pool closure’?

Yet, she does. It’s a swimmer’s intuition. A pessimist's realism.

And sure enough. The sign says:

Pool closed for emergency repairs.
Blah blah blah….
Sorry for the inconvenience.

Sorry for the inconvenience?

PP hates hates hates this! Like havin' the pool closed unexpectedly (again!) is an inconvenience?

No it’s life threatening! Don’t they know that without the scheduled swim on Wed., she’ll go absolutely stark raving mad?

Hell, if she’d known the pool was gonna be closed (which of course she didn’t, but more on that later) she woulda braved the Hilltopia Family Noodle Braining Mayhem on Tuesday. Now, she wouldn’t be able to swim till Friday! That’s 1, 2, 3, 4!!! days without swimming!


“What happened to the pool?” PP asks the 13 year old clerks at the front counter.
“It’s …

Psychic Space!

“Hi,” 8:30 Super Swimmer Guy leans down to catch PP at the wall, “Can we circle swim?”

Oh dear! The Dreaded Circle Swim! In the Mayhem Mayhem MAYHEM that is Hilltopia this summer, PP has to just laugh or cry.

She chooses laughter this time, “Sure, we can try! But you’re much faster than I am and I’m much faster than he is and so….” She chuckles. Shrugs.

“That’s fine. We’ll work it out,” 8:30 SSG grins, crouching down to try to stop the Super Slug Guy that PP has been sharing a lane with for the past 20 minutes. He swims a jerky breast stroke, his pudgy legs almost kicking her each time she passes him.

Is this cuz of his swimming style? Or his girth? Or his obliviousness?

Most likely all of the above. And because of all of the above, SSG is gonna make the Dreaded Circle Swim even more dreadfully challenging.
“Excuse me,” 8:30 SSG stops The Slug, “Can you circle swim?”
The Slug peers up at him through foggy blue goggles. If PP could see his eyes, which she can’t, she knows they’d be showing …

The Eyebrows Have It!

“You’re gonna think I’m completely superficial, but I’m gonna say it anyway.” Sandy saunters past PP's spacey frantic dressing after swimming before 10 pm.
“That’s ok,” PP calls after her, “I like superficial.”

“Great. You know the Real Bianca? (For those of you out of the loop, Eden Riegel, who played Bianca Montgomery Hot Lesbian Extraordinaire on All My Children has left the show and been replaced with a ‘weak’ Bianca.)

Now, PP nods, eager to hear what Sandy has to say.
“It was her Eyebrows. You know? Those Eyebrows. You couldn’t help but be drawn in.”

“That’s it exactly!” PP agrees, remembering the sexy dark serious brows of The Real Bianca. How when she was playing her Moral Center Role and lecturing about ‘how so and so really knew better than to sleep with so and so’ and with any other actress, the moralizing woulda come off as cliché cuz of course, it was. But with the Real Bianca, her eyebrows let you know that what she was saying was sincere, important and deep. She was NOT s…


“Lordy it’s crazy out there in that Pool!” Gargantuan Splitting Out of Her Suit women sighs loudly, shaking her head.

PP tries not to turn and run the other way. She’s at Hilltopia, in the sauna, and had already taken a gander at the pool. It was pure kidtopia mayhem.

“And only one lifeguard,” Another Woman comments. PP can’t see her in the dark. But it doesn’t matter. The dialogue will speak for itself.

“It’s so cloudy in the pool. I don’t know how the lifeguard sees anything!” Gargantuan Woman observes.
“Yes. I am very concern about this.” A Timid Accented Woman pipes in.
“Why’s that?” GW asks.
“I need to find out the….” She hesitates, searching for a word. PP isn’t sure where TAW's from since she’s terrible at accents and identifying their origin. Maybe this woman is Eastern European? Russian? Who cares, she has something to say.

Timid Accented Woman wraps her arms around herself, hugging herself to demonstrate what she’s trying to say. PP is confused. How do you say ‘hug yourself’?