Friday, May 14, 2010

Puffy Ass!





“You put on a little weight, huh?” Suzy chuckles her hazy laugh as she eyes PP’s ass.

Aghast, PP turns and eyes herself in the mirror, her swimsuit hiding nothing. “Gosh, I don’t know,” she answers, thinking. What the hell? Doesn’t Suzy know that you don’t tell a middle aged American Woman that she’s put on weight no matter how ‘slim’ she may be? That there are still issues? And PP and Sandy had just been discussing cookies. “My Aunt Doreen, we call her Aunt Do –get it?" Sandy had laughed, "her secret is in the flour. She uses a particular kind of flour for each kind of cookie."

“Yup,” Suzy continues, slapping her own ass and cackling, “That’s what happens when we work out. We puff out there. Of course, not me—but you, looks like you put on a bit of weight right there!”





Would she just shut the hell up already? PP does NOT need to hear this tonight. It brings up all those suburban white girl issues around weight and beauty and shit. Will she ever get over her teens?

Probably not. Or at least not with Suzy hammering away at her.

But Suzy pays for her puffy ass comments later. After PP's swim, Suzy is in total trauma mode. DL's trying to help her get her lock to work. To no avail. Suzy is beside herself. The tears near the surface, “Oh, shit oh shit oh shit! They’re gonna kick me out. This is what happened before. Oh what am I gonna do.”

For a moment, PP considers trying to help, but then the puffy ass comment comes back to her.

Forget it. Suzy can just have a nervous breakdown over her goddamn lock. Who cares if she’s completely crazy, delusional, liver transplanted and hysterical.

She deserves to get banned from the Y for insulting PP’s ass.

Or maybe she meant it as a compliment? PP did think of this later. After all, in Suzy’s world as an ex-user and dialysis patient, putting on a bit of weight would be a compliment, right?

DL can’t get the lock open. The No Nonsense Y clerk arrives with the lock cutters and proceeds to snap the lock off.

Suzy’s relief pours out. “Oh thank you Jesus. Thank you thank you. But now I’m gonna get kicked out!!!!"

(Some of you may remember how Suzy was called into the Director’s office and told if she was late again she was gonna lose her membership—hence the present nervous breakdown.)





“You still have 10 minutes,” NNY clerk intones, starting to pick up dirty towels from the floor.

“10 minutes! Yeah, okay, I’ll never make it….”

But she does. And she’s so happy. And grateful. Gives DL a teary goodbye, “I don’t know what I woulda done without you!” she exclaims. “You kept me calm. I don’t know what I would have done. Thank you thank you thank you.”

DL nods, embarrassed, “It was nothing. Anyone would have done the same.

Not PP!

Suzy wipes the tears away as she heads out, “God bless you. Thank you thank you thank you.”

PP, DL and Sandy all shake their heads, “You know her gratitude was really heartfelt,” Sandy says once Suzy is out of hearing range.
“Oh, yeah, I believe it,” DL agrees.
“She did seem a little overboard though,” PP observes, “Like there was something really traumatic going on.”
“Yeah, well, she’s in Recovery.”

Oh, that explains everything, PP thinks, as she slides her puffy ass into her jeans.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

nice picture