Tuesday, May 04, 2010

It Can Kill a Kid!



“Can I ask you a question?”
The two bored YMCA Hilltopia clerks force a yes-we’ll-try-to-help-the-troublemaking- member smile.
“Kids aren’t supposed to be in the sauna, right?”
“No. No one under 18 is supposed to be in there.” Mousy Guy is adamant.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Last night there was this woman with her kid in the sauna and I was just too tired to engage in a confrontation so I let it go, but I just wanted to double check."
“How old was the kid?” Pinched Face Woman Clerk asks.
“Oh, I don’t know. She was little. 2 or 3.”
PFW shook her head. MG started in, “That’s against the rules. No one under 18 should be in the sauna," he repeated.
“Yeah, isn’t it a health risk?” PP asks.
“Yeah it is. Their little lungs aren’t as developed as ours. They can’t absorb the heat. Their temperatures rise much faster than ours. It can reach 105 like that.” He snaps his fingers to demonstrate the lightening speed of the sauna's deadly heat on wee ones.
“Okay, well that’s good to know for future reference,” PP, nods, armed with this info.
MG shakes his head in amazement. "You know some parents. They think they know what's best for their kids. But...." He pauses for dramatic effect? Or is this just PP's perspective?
“Children under 18 should never be in the sauna. It can kill a kid.”
“Really?”
MG nods.
“Okay, well, that’s really good to know."





And so it is. Next time the Stupid Superior Kid Mom comes into the sauna and PP says, “Kids aren’t supposed to be in here,” and SSKM gives PP that look like you are a piece of shit don’t talk to me about what I should or shouldn’t do with my kid and proceeds to lay out a towel while offering some bullshit explanation like: ‘It is just for a little while. The pool was so cold',[It's not--if PP can swim for 45 minutes without chilling up, then it's NOT cold!] and the kid sits down and then stands up and whines, 'Mommy I want my water!' and mommy says, 'Okay honey I’ll go get it' and she does and gives it to the kid who grabs it and proceeds to turn it upside down and laughs at how the gushing water spills all over the hot cement floor and then starts crying cause now she doesn’t have any water and PP gets up and leaves cause she just doesn’t have the energy to fight with the stupid bitch. And oh, did she mention that SSKM was pregnant? Smug pregnant bitch. Wonder what the sauna does to her unborn child? Those little lungs are super small, aren't they? And those little blood vessels are tiny tiny tiny, right?






Frankly, PP doesn't care about the unborn child. It's quiet at least. It's the one that's in her sauna now, whining and crying and jumping and giggling and .....

Hey! PP has an idea!

Next time, instead of just walking away incensed, she's gonna smile sweetly and say, “You know, the sauna can kill a kid.” See if that will get SSKM out of there.

Or....

PP could just keep this info to herself and let the kid fry in the sauna till its little lungs explode or its little heart stops beating or its little temperature spikes to 105 degrees.

Nah, she wouldn't really do that.

Would she?

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