Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Make ‘Em Cry




As you all know, PP is a big fan of small children. She loves to hear their screeching in the pool, the showers, the sauna?

Hello?

It’d been a hellacious swim. Not just because of the birthday party filling the pool at Hilltopia with 30 plus gleeful 6 year olds. (Though this was ultimately what set her off.)

No. She had to share a lane with Multiple Kickboard Butterfly Kick Man. (Is his name self-explanatory?) This resulted in the requisite washing machine wave action which every lap swimmer just loves to pieces. Turning to breathe and inhaling huge gulps of water instead of air.

After he got out, Flailing Swedish Accent Woman got in. PP likes her, but FSAW gets on her back, and does a mighty flailing Elementary Backstroke that can be lethal if you don’t watch out.

And So. PP was really looking forward to the QUIET of the sauna. The Birthday Party’s noise level is beyond description. Just imagine 30 plus hyper 6 year olds screaming at the top of their little lungs while bopping each other on the head with the brightly colored noodles. There was laughter. There was joking. There was crying.

You get the picture.

In the sauna, PP lies down, sighs in relief. It’s QUIET!

But not for long. She hears the echoing screams of several of the Party-Goers pile into the showers. Damn. Why the hell do they come in the women’s locker room? Why don’t they use the kids' locker room like they do in Oakland?

In Oakland, these kids would be toast.




“Here’s the Warm Room, Cameron, come on in here…..” The soothing mom voice enters the sanctity of the sauna. PP opens one eye.

Horror of Horror. Soothing Mom is bringing her 6 year old BOY into the women’s sauna! PP can’t believe it. But then she can.

Mothers know no boundaries.

PP rises, “You know, you can’t bring kids in here.”
Soothing Mom ignores her, “Sit down over here, Cam….”
PP tries again. She is NOT taking a sauna with a 6 year old boy!
“NO ONE UNDER 18 IS ALLOWED in the SAUNA!” She tries not to shout, but it’s a close call.

SM glances over at her, perplexed for a moment. Was someone actually telling her she couldn’t bring her kid in the Warm Room?

Yes.

She doesn’t respond to PP at all. No apologies. No acknowledgement whatsoever of PP’s presence. Though she did hear her since she backed out, her arm around Cameron, “We can’t go in the Warm Room today, Cam. I….”

"WHAAAA!!!!!! EERRRRGGGHHH!!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!!!" Cameron screeches at the top of his lungs.

It’s an Impressive Tantrum.




PP is quite pleased that she’s elicited it.

Her day is always satisfying if she can cause one child to break down in tears for no good reason.

Who was it that sang, “Make ‘em Laugh?” Wasn’t it Donald O’Connor in Singing in the Rain?





Well, PP has a slightly different take on the lyrics, “Make ‘em Cry! Make ‘em Cry! Make ‘em Cry!”

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Hope all is well--lauriecat

poetowen said...

give 'em hell, the brats...

Anonymous said...

Yee-haww!! And it's the brat-moms who should be crying... next time.