Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Green Goddess Weeps




“I am weeping….”

DL gaped across Utopia’s suddenly spooky dimness. Looking like she was ready to weep herself. Later she admitted that she’s prone to ‘Empathetic Crying’ while PP is just prone to Empathetic Shock.

How did it get to this point? PP wonders.

When first they’d entered Utopia, DW had been in high spirits. Hailing the two of them enthusiastically: “HEY! How’re you doin? I am Salad Dressing tonight!”
And DL and PP had laughed, mystified as usual, but delighted with the food aspect of the conversation.
“What kind of Salad Dressing are you? Italian?” PP had joked,
Waving her aside, DW frowned, then grinned, “NO! I am Avocado!”
Of course, she is the Green Goddess tonight, DL had dubbed her later and PP had to concur, since DW’s brown soft body was covered in the ‘avocado dressing’ from head to toe, her face a mask of gooey green liquid, her belly breasts, arms, legs covered thickly with the slimy concoction.


“Avocado?” PP had queried, always eager to keep the conversation flowing in Utopia, esp. with DW and most especially with DL’s help and wide-eyed amazement to spur her on. “Is avocado good for your skin?”
“Yes. Very good. It make it soft and very good,” DW, now the Green Goddess for the evening, asserted, rubbing her large sagging breasts absently as she nodded.





PP and DL eyed each other from across the sauna. It was gonna be a good night for stories, no doubt about that.
“Tonight I come early. My husband he stay home. He do the dishes.” The GG proclaimed, continuing her uninhibited avocado goo spreading.
“That’s great,” PP had nodded, “You gotta get your husband to do all the chores so you can come here all the time. He can do the dishes. The vacuuming. Clean the bathroom…’




They all laughed at that one. The Green Goddess shaking her head, serious now. “Africa People. They no believe that the man do the housework. The woman she cook she clean she raise the children. My children now. They all gone. I have no children I ….”

PP, of course, heard this as a good thing. Now The Green Goddess can come to the YMCA all the time what with no children and the husband doing all the housework, but The GG had turned suddenly, unexpected, her gooey face running with streaks of what?

PP had thought it was sauna sweat at first, but then, the pronouncement, with the wail of losing her children, “They call me they say mommy are you all right? We are fine. And I tell them I am sick I have the high sugar I have the high cholesterol I die……and my children they are so far away. I have no children anymore……




I am weeping…..”

And sure enough, she was. DL knew it before PP, her Empathetic Crying on the verge of an appearance. She was all sympathy, “That is so hard. When your children leave the nest. It’s one of those Transitions….It will take time to get used to it….” DL’s voice cracked her eyes were dark and wide and liquidly.

Damn. PP had no idea it was all so suddenly sad. She was still in the joking about salad dressing and getting the husband to do all the chores and then Bam, tragedy strikes with The Green Goddess weeping over the loss of her children and her seemingly imminent mortality.

The tears came fast, wet and dripping down her greeny chalky dark face, her eyes full of water as she shook her turbaned head sadly…..standing now in the middle of the small dark floor of Utopia.




It suddenly was no longer Utopia that’s for sure. But yet, PP still couldn’t believe that the mood had turned so quickly. Were kids really that much to be missed? She’d never know. And it would seem this was a thankful thing. PP certainly didn’t need any such loss in her life. She hated those ‘transitions’ that took time to ‘get over’. Hell, she never got over anything. Transitions were anything but. And she had to wonder if the Green Goddess would get over this loss of her children? At the moment, this seemed unlikely.

Yet afterward, walking back to the Geo with DL to begin their analysis of the evening, PP had to remark that the Green Goddess was resilient. Even though the weeping came on so suddenly, it left just a quickly. For after exiting the sauna, The GG had simply washed the mask of streaked tears from her lovely face, then smiled over at PP who’d gone to shower and was collecting her suit from the sink.

“You take care,” PP had offered, her natural worry for others’ emotional woes voiced in the hollow cliché. If only there were a way to really show how deep the empathy was?

Without the Empathetic Crying, of course.

PP was all for empathy but not for tears. They never accomplished anything. At least for her.

The Green Goddess, on the other hand, once her face was washed clean, seemed tired but revived, smiling at PP she gave her a hearty slap on the back.

“See you next time ok?”

And with that, the Green Goddess turned and headed back into the Sauna, her back straight and dark and proud. The weeping now only a story.

Monday, July 28, 2008

That Sparkle in Her Eye....

“I would give up my career for snowboarding!”





Unable to keep her jaw from dropping, PP stares at Woman with the Beautiful Breasts in rapt astonishment. For the past 10 minutes or so, she’d been going on and on and on about how much she LOVED LOVED LOVED snowboarding and PP, hating the snow and actually any sport that involved ‘adventure’ musta had a look of perplexed incredulity on her mug even though DL was going along with the snowboard rhapsodizing but this coulda just been cuz of WBB breasts, and yeah hell, PP knows that it’s politically incorrect to be ogling & writing about breasts all the time, but she’d been sharing a lane with this woman every Wednesday night for the last 6 months and the cleavage underwater show was motivating to say the least, so this night, when finally PP had time to engage her in Hot Tube chit chat and WBB went gaga crazy about Snowboarding, PP was suitably delighted.

Beautiful Breasts and a Daredevil! Hell, no wonder she liked swimming with her.

But the comment about giving up her career for snowboarding? PP had to wonder what the hell kinda career she had that she wouldn’t consider giving it up for anything? Hell, PP would give up her career for snowboarding and she hates the snow!

So she had to wonder, was there some fatal flaw in the otherwise charmingly endowed BB Woman that caused her to ‘love’ her career?

Now, PP realizes that there are those strange sorts that swear they love their careers. Why look at all Demi Moore sacrificed for her 'career' in Flawless! No husband, no kids, no Betty Crocker bakeoffs! She was all about 'getting to the top' in the Nasty Man's World of The Diamond Corporation. And then, when she got passed over for promotion after promomtion, well, she got HER revenge.





But this was in the movies.

In Real Life, PP just doesn’t buy it. How could anyone love going to work? How could anyone rather work than go to the pool? How could anyone wanna devote their life to a career rather than watch All My Children? How could anyone want to sacrifice their time to have a ‘career’ over, hell, staring at the walls?

Yet, WBB seemed genuinely sincere about her claim to give up her career for snowboarding. And she had it all worked out. She’d get up at around 10. Have some breakfast, then be on the slopes, snowboarding up a storm from about 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., when she’d come back to the lodge, happy and exhausted, for a rest and a nap.

Hell, that sounded pretty damn good to PP! (And everyone else in the hot tub!)

But PP had to ask, after a moment’s pause, “What kind of career to do you have that you’re so enamored of it that you wouldn’t want to give it up even for this great passion of snowboarding?”
WBB gave PP a steady look and then a big beautiful smile, “I work with at risk drug addicted felons in the prison system as a counselor.”



”Wow!” PP nods, thinking no wonder you wanna go snowboarding! “That sounds intense!”
“Yeah, it is. And yeah, I know that a big part of what I do is just handing out bandages, but hell, it’s what I do and it’s often all I can do!” She shrugs and sighs and PP thinks about what degrees she must have. At least a Master’s in Psych probably, and maybe even some sort of medical degree too?





Hell, maybe WBB could help PP out with some of her students at WWU? Though often they need more than bandages to fix their papers!

DL’s eyes, wide after the career divulgence, smiled across the hot tub over at PP, who knew DL was probably adding up WBB’s education and interests in a more exact and analytical manner than PP was capable of, cause she was a more politically astute and educationally aware of what it takes to have one of these ‘careers’ in the Bay Area. And sure enough, when later they were walking back to the Geo, their heads still swimming with the Hot Tub WBB Event, DL had rattled off WBB’s credentials, with the requisite MFFT or some such initials that go in front of the Masters degree or is it after the Master’s degree?

See, PP has no clue.

But she and DL had the same overall assessment:
WBB was Adventurous. Gorgeous. Educated. And Committed!

Damn!

No wonder PP was dubious about the giving up her career for her passion. It was all just too good to believe. Were there really people like her out there? In the world? Who cared about other people THAT much?

PP, the cynic that she is, had her doubts, but then again, after chatting with WBB and seeing the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about snowboarding and then the same sparkle when telling about the prisoners she helped and PP couldn’t really discern a Sparkle Difference between the two topics, she had to think, yeah, okay, there are few people that LOVE their careers.



It was just a mystery to PP.

She’d always rather just swim and write than do anything else.

And, of course, maybe this is what BBW was talking about when she said she’d give up her ‘career’ for snowboarding.

Would PP give up swimming and writing for snowboarding?

She thinks you all know the answer to THAT one, now don’t ya?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Arcata Sauna Shed --Part II


Dear Readers,
This is probably self-evident given the title of this post, but please read yesterday's story before perusing this one;anxious though you may be to be 'caught up' with the latest PP Blog!


“Fine. Fine. Yourself?”
PP sighs inwardly. Thank goodness for DHBF.
“Pretty good….pretty good…..” DPK’s voice surprises her. He sounds…. normal. Not like a weirdo at all. Though PP couldn’t tell you what a Weirdo sounds like. It’s just that now she has to re-evaluate. He’s not a Druggie Psycho Killer after all.

See, appearances can be deceiving!

Yet, she’s reserving judgment for now. It’s early still.

DHBF glances over at her, grinning. He likes to talk. (She’s gonna get in trouble for writing that, but it’s true.) “So, you come here often?” he asks.
PP can’t believe he said that and, in fact, he probably didn’t, but conversation in the sauna by its very nature usually starts off with the Banal.
“Yeah….I try to,” Not A Weirdo nods. “Whenever I get a chance. You folks from around here?
“No. We’re up visiting her parents in Eureka. We live in the Bay Area. Oakland.”
“Really? Wow. I used to live in San Francisco.”
“Where abouts?” PP asks, thinking maybe she shouldn’t totally shun the chitchat.
“Well, I used to work in a Meth Rehabilitation Center in the Tenderloin, so I lived over offa Taylor…..”



PP was right! He is a Weirdo! A Meth Worker Guy! See, her intuitive powers hadn’t completely eluded her.
“Yeah, sure, of course, I know the area,” she smiles, “ but don’t venture over there much though they do have some good cheap Indian restaurants in the Tenderloin.”
Meth Worker Guy nods, “Yeah, that’s true. What do you two do?”
“I teach college writing,” PP answers, not divulging that her first job is stealing everyone’s stories from the pool and sauna.
“That’s cool. And you?”
DHBF sits up, “I drive cab. And limo.”
“Really? I used to drive cab too!”



PP rolls her eyes. Here come the cab bonding stories. Damn. So boring. She wants to hear more about working in the Tenderloin Meth Rehabilitation Center. Or hell. He probably was in the rehabilitation center himself. That would explain his seedy used appearance that first clued her in to his Weirdo Status.
“That’s cool,” DHBF nods.
“Yeah, but I had to get out of driving.”
”I hear that!”



“Yeah, so I got my nursing degree and that’s how I got into working with the meth patients and then I came up here with my partner who’s working on her degree at Humbolt State in Criminology.”
“That sounds interesting.”
”Yeah, she went to College of the Redwoods first and then transferred to Humboldt, but I dunno. Things are kinda iffy with us lately. …..”


Meth Nurse Man’s voice trailed off as PP started to hear one of Josh Emmons’ character descriptions in her head. Meth Nurse Man’s name is Randy. He’s a nurse in one of the halfway houses in Eureka, but in his spare time, he makes burl sculptures up in his cabin off of Redwood Circle. His partner, Eileen, is studying for her Masters at Humboldt State, but things aren’t quite going to plan as she’s having an affair with his best friend, Stan, who was the local bar tender at the Red Lion, and didn’t really treat Eileen very well, but only used her for mildly S&M kinds of extracurricular activities while letting her believe that he is in love with her and is gonna leave his partner for her to help pay for her studies at Humboldt.





Of course, all of this, PP thought, was just fiction. Or was it? as she listened to Meth Nurse Man tell his tales of woe about how the situation with his partner wasn’t going so good. She was an alcoholic, who’d been screwing her sponsor, so as a consequence had gone off the wagon and lost her job so now she wanted him to support her, but he wasn’t sure if he was up for bucking up an unemployed drunk, “You gotta understand, Man,” he was telling DHBF, “I love her. Even though she slept with another guy....I still do. ....love her.... Hell I moved up here from Frisco to be with her. But I’m just not sure I’m cut out for this, you know?”

DHBF nodded sympathetically, glancing over at PP who was recording every word and then some in her imagination for her blog.

For after all, this is what she lived for. Soap Opera in the Sauna. And who cares if she makes up half of it. It’s the Spirit of the Sauna that is essential. Not the Truth or Reality as others see it.

It’s all only Her Perspective. Her Reality that matters.
To hell with Meth Man and his Slutty Alcoholic Near-do-Well Partner.

They were only characters on the page to her.

How callous can one get?

PP has to giggle to herself as she heads out of the sauna to read another chapter of Emmons’s novel.

Hell, he probably had a ball researching That Fiction here in Humboldt County, don’t you think?

No doubt. PP grins. No Freeking doubt!

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Arcata Sauna Shed--Part I







Perched haphazardly on the edge of one of the crummy lounge chairs, PP stares in spite of herself. She doesn’t want to watch him as he rolls up first one plaid pant leg and then the other, his mottled face and shaggy hair out of a horror film. Or one of Josh Emmons' (see above cutie pic) effortlessly captured Eureka Characters ala The Loss of Leon Meed. Or what must be a prevalent element here in Humboldt County—- A Prime Suspect Druggie Psycho Killer.

Okay, she knows this is a little extreme. But he definitely was a weirdo. At least upon first stare after PP finished her blissful but slightly chilly swim in the lovely Arcata Pool, now soaking up the warmth of the hot tub with the Blind Man and another couple innocuous swimmers. (Yes, there is a Blind Man that swims at the Arcata pool. Has PP written about him before? ) She hasn’t actually ever seen him in the pool, only in the Hot Tub, but he was here the last time she visited. His vacant eyes and sagging jowl scaring her too. What is it about Humboldt?




It’s different than Oakland. Though she thinks that often the swimmers at the Y seem blind for the number of times they run into her. But that’s another blog.

And Druggie Psycho Killer most probably isn’t one. But yet….he does give her the creeps. It’s that unnameable feeling that all single women feel at one time or another. Weirdoes. They abound and they always like PP. She has a very high Weirdo Magnet. Hopefully, today the DPK and the Blind Guy won’t pick up on it.

“Did you have a good swim?” Dashingly Handsome Boyfriend grins over at her as he plops into the tub.
“How are you?” The Blind Guy asks.
“Fine, fine….” DHBF answers, giving PP a wink.

He’s so good at the weirdoes. But then again, he’s a guy. And a tall white guy at that. So the weirdoes don’t threaten him like they do PP.

Also, he’s nice. Which PP often isn’t.

Even to a Blind Guy.

“I’m gonna go check out the sauna,” she announces to DHBF, who nods.
“Have a nice day,” the Blind Guy calls after her.



Shaking her head, PP starts to giggle. It is funny. A Blind Guy in the Hot Tub, just trying to be friendly. Hell, he’s probably got a very lonely life. The pool and hot tub are his big adventurous social outing for the day.

Yet, eyeing the Sauna Shed from the outside , (for this is what it looks like: literally a garden ‘shed’ that you'd expect to find old tools, a dilapidated lawn mower and 20 year old bags of half used fertilizer), when she enters, and it is after all, a sauna, with nice wooden benches and a pungent eucalyptus aroma, PP is pleasantly surprised. Sometimes that old cliche of 'appearances can be deceiving' is really true. Though usually not. PP is all for snap judgements made upon first impressions. It serves her well, esp. when she's cranky and hostile and unfriendly. Which is always when it comes to weirdoes.





“Ahhhh….” she murmurs to herself, settling onto the top bench and leaning back into the toasty wooden wall. The hot air feels so good. Plus it’s so calm in the shed. No Blind Guy. No Psycho Druggie Guy. Just her and the soothing heat.

PP closes her eyes for a moment to let the warmth wash over her. Relaxing. What a concept. Her Bay Area life is so hectic and tense all the time. Maybe she doesn’t need to whine about it in her blog today, but hell, it was so good to get away!

“Hiya!” the sauna door pops open and DHBF strides in. “Wow. This is nice.”
”Yeah, surprising huh?”
“Yeah….”
Smiling over at him, PP sighs. Yes it is nice to get away she thinks again. Closing her eyes once more, she drifts back into spacey heat when she hears the door open and then a creaking on the bench below her.

Damn. Who could that be? Did the Blind Guy make it over to the Sauna Shed?

Opening one eye, PP peers out under her wet lashes, hoping against hope that her Weirdo Magnet is off. Yet she knows better. It's always on High. Esp out of town.

And especially at the pool. Or in the Sauna.

"How's it going?" he asks, settling down on the lower bench opposite PP and DHBF.

Glancing over at DHBF, PP sighs. Maybe he'll do all the talking?
Hell this is one thing she can count on as she settles back into the warm wooden wall to watch the show......

~to be continued~

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Utopian Gyrations Take 2



“I was very intrigued…..” Breast Exerciser Woman was back, or shall PP say Front? For of course, as soon as she entered the sauna, she began her Breast Pumping. Once again, PP tried, unsuccessfully, not to stare. Though this time, since she’d witnessed the extraordinary mammary gyrations previously, she was not quite so spellbound.

Well, maybe a little.

“….I heard the two of you talking the other day….”

“They’re always talking!” She’s A Type exclaimed, shaking her head as she pulled out a nail file and began to scour away at the heels of her right foot. PP tried not to watch. It was kinda gross actually. The things women did, in complete unabashed abandon in the sauna, still struck her sometimes.

The Breast Pumping. This she could handle.
The filing of the foot.
Not so much.

Breast Exerciser Woman ignored SAT’s comment, continuing with her observation. “When I heard you talking the other day, I thought to myself. You have such interesting lives! One of you is married to a doctor. The other one, she has lost her memory, but her husband, he is so kind, he will be patient and help. But then….” BEW shifted her legs under her sturdy bottom, crossing them for optimum sitting up breast pumping efficiency. Began pumping away anew. “….I realize. You are talking about a movie. It is not really your lives!”



DL and PP crack up. She must have heard them discussing in earnest sincerity the ups and downs of the characters on All My Children. Though PP couldn’t think whom they’d been talking about that was married to a doctor. Of course, Jessie Hubbard, Pine Valley’s Chief of Police is married to Dr. Angela Hubbard, also known, at least to PP, as Stupid Angie, but PP didn’t think that they’d been talking about these two. They were so goddamn boring! Maybe BEW was making up her own soap opera?




SAT nodded. Authoritative. She watches AMC too, and knows all about the characters and their situations. “Yeah, they musta been talking about how they each have a twin….”





DL chimed in. “And the twins have amnesia!”






“And they just ran over the nefarious Richie Novak with Colby’s brand new Ferrari that she got for her 18th birthday from Daddy, Adam Chandler, but got away with it cause Adam Chandler has at least 12 judges in his back pocket!” PP exclaimed.





BEW frowned, her breasts jumping with renewed vigor. Maybe when she’s confused, the energy increases in her palm response, resulting in bigger and better rounded jiggles?

PP liked this idea, and was trying to think of something else to say to confuse her to test out the theory.

Experimentation in Utopia. Hypotheses to prove. Who would have ever thought the YMCA would be the spawning ground for such profound intellectual inquiry?

“12 judges in back pocket?” BEW echoed, her voice puzzled, her breasts gyrating at a terrific pace.

“Oh, that’s just an expression,” SAT asserted. “It means that he can buy off the powers that be and get his daughter off the hook.”

PP glanced over at DL, whose dark eyes were laughing. It was all too hilarious in Utopia. PP really had to write a book about it. Well, she guesses, in a sense that she is here in her blog. DL, on the other hand, wants to make a documentary.

This would be better. Esp. when BEW’s scene came up.






The door to the sauna opened, and one of the Handsome Middle-Aged Ethiopian women entered, plopping down, just as DL and PP got up to leave. She glanced around, smiling shyly, as she settled on the bench below BEW, her eyes naturally moving to the astonishing exercises still being performed.

PP giggled. “She can teach you how to do that!” nodding toward the Bouncing Ones.
Dutifully, HMAEW glanced down at her own brown set, then placed her palms together and commenced to exercise, her previously relaxed mammaries now off and running.

She was a natural, PP thought. No lessons needed at all!

Shaking her head in wondrous delight, PP grinned, as as she followed DL out of the sauna to shower off.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Utopian Gyrations



"It was wildly unexpected!" DL murmured as PP unlocked the Geo's door for her.

Nodding, PP started to giggle. "Yes it certainly was," as she recalled their recent Utopian Experience.

One would think, after 50 long years, that PP had seen it all. Esp. since she's frequented gyms, saunas and pools at such wide range. Yet nothing in her past life, the life before she saw Them, had prepared her for this moment.

It was as if They had a life of their own. And judging from DL's expression on the other side of the sauna, her dark eyes wide with wondrous mirth behind her wire-rimmed glasses, PP was not alone in her astonishment.

How can PP even describe what she saw before her? Directly in the line of her sight. Only a mere 2 to 3 feet in front of her? PP didn't even pretend not to stare. If she could have. Which she couldn't.

For right before her eyes, in all their perfect bouncing glory, were two astonishing gyrating breasts circling before her in wild abandon. They were actually attached to, or did belong to, a beautiful (of course) Asian woman who sat cross-legged on the bench above PP's. At first, PP didn't notice her at all. Or the fact that she was somehow pressing her palms together in concentrated 'exercises'. All she saw were the Bouncing Breasts. Lively. Roundly. And well...PP is going to lose her breath and get a tad dizzy even writing about them!




Finally,after several minutes of trying not to exchange astonished glances with DL (unsuccessfully) she blurted out something stupid like, as only PP can do, "How do you do THAT?"
Whereupon, Gyrating Breast Woman paused, smiled beatifically over at PP and then began to demonstrate with a calm lecture to accompany.
"You stretch your arms out like this." She did. PP tried to watch her pale arms reach out in front of her, though this took an effort.
"Then you place your palms together and press." She did. And the consequences were astounding. The breasts immediately began their wild gyrations.

PP tried it. Glancing down at her own measly mammaries, she started to giggle. "I'm somehow not getting quite the same Effect as you!"
DL started cracking up, glancing at her own more impressive pair as she too tried the exercise, while a woman above her, followed suit. No one was able to master the Breast Gyration in quite the same astonishing mammary manner as their Teacher.



Frowning, Breast Teacher glanced around the sauna at her hopeful students. "Try not to focus on your arm muscles. Just put your palms together and press."




She again commenced with the Wondrous Breast Gyration.
Her students, earnest in their attempts, tried again, this time with a bit more success, esp DL and the Woman above her. PP thought her lack of success had more to do with size than technique. But maybe not.

"That's it!" BT beamed, her tiny diamond crossed earrings dangling in rhythm to her pumping. The women all grinned. Now they had it!
"You feel the Breast Muscle?" she asked.
"OH, yes!" they exclaimed.
"I didn't even know I had one!" DL laughed, her eyes shinning in breast delight.
PP was getting a bit better; she'd accomplished one or two hopeful pumps, her small mounds jumping in quick accordance, but it was no comparison.

BT was a Goddess!




And they were all her subjects! Worshipping her from above and below. It was all they could do to keep breathing. And pumping. And giggling.

Though this last one was easier, it's true!

So, later, when DL and PP climbed into the Geo, still shaking their heads at the amazing breast manipulation that a properly placed palm can accomplish, DL's comment about it being 'wildly unexpected' was a vast understatement.

Yet it would have to do. At least for now. Or at least until PP comes up with something better.

Which she doubts is possible. Unless of course It happens again when next they visit Utopia.

They can only hope. Until then, PP is gonna practice her breast exercises. You never know, maybe with practice, it'll be one more subject she can teach.

NOW THAT would be wildly unexpected!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

A Modest Pool Proposal




“WHHHAAAAA!”
Cringing, PP sighed inwardly. Goddammit. Why the hell would anyone bring their BABY to HER Vichy Springs Resort? Didn’t they know that she hates babies? Esp. when she wants peace and quiet and rest and relaxation in and around her pool?



What is the Resort World coming to?

Traipsing across the serene lawn under the giant oaks, PP shook her head as the baby deer scattered under a faraway picnic table. They’d heard the baby too and they were gonna get as far away as possible.





“WHAAAAAA!!!! WHAAAAA!!!!”

Of course, DHBF commiserated with her as soon as she started to complain about the Wee One. But only up to a point. He has kids. He raised babies. So he got it on a level that PP didn’t. What’re you gonna do with the baby when you go on vacation?

Throw it in the Pool?

Now, here’s a Modest Proposal ala Swift but modified to fit with PP’s Pool Peace Necessity.

Just toss the crying brat into the pool and watch it sink. That’s would shut it up.

But what if it didn’t sink? Those babies have lots of baby fat. Maybe it would float. And then what? Swift suggested making a meal out of the delicious little ones. Maybe PP could make some sort of floating device out of the baby?





Yeah, a Baby Pool Buoy! Once it stops wailing, it’ll float along nicely in the pool. Maybe provide a nice little fleshy dock for the wayward frogs that get caught in the pool. (DHBF rescued a frog later that day from a sure and chlorinated death with one of PP’s fins. Poor little guy. At first, DHBF had thought it was dead and so hadn’t alerted PP to her close proximity to a floating frog. But then, when he scooped it up and out of the pool and had set it gently on the cement deck, it had hopped away into the nearby shrubbery in sprightly joy.)




Yet, if there had been PP’s Baby Floating Buoy in the pool, the little froggy woulda had a place to climb up onto. Dry off. Get a tan. And then hop away once the Baby Buoy floated over to the pool’s edge.

What a perfect use for a Baby! A froggy dry dock floating in the pool!

Now we’re talking.

PP grinned as she headed down to the pool for her long awaited swim. The warm afternoon glowing in golden invitation. The pool itself shimmering in turquoise glory, just waiting for her to dive in.

But what was that she spied floating in the middle of the pool?
Could it be?



Now inside the gated enclosure, PP sat on the edge of the pool, dangling her toes in the chilly water, peering across to the pool’s big VICHY painted in big cursive letters on the bottom of the pool. Right over the top of the ‘H’, it looked like a little round white…..






Nah! PP’s just kidding.

Unlike Swift.

For as everyone knows, he dearly loved a tasty little toddler nicely salted, peppered and fried for his evening supper.

PP, on the other hand, is mostly a Vegetarian. So while she shares Swift’s taste for creative ways of managing children, she thinks she’ll stick to cookies and ice cream and spinach and bread and cheese and…..

Oh, okay. If the baby were stir fried with a little garlic and onion, some nice crisp string beans, maybe she’d partake.



Just this once. For Jonathan.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Clear Lake? (It's not!)




PP loved their little cabin at Indian Beach Resort! The front porch afforded a fine view of the other visitors--serious, hardworking fishermen and women; an exhausted mom and her exuberant son playing ping pong; a stupid Dad riding his kid's training wheel bike.

If only the Lake hadn't been quite so cold! But more on this later...





PP decides to brave the Lake in the morning before the sun rises too high and too hot. But her decision is not without trepidation....



Hah! PP surprises herself with the morning Lake Swim. It's cold, yes. But smooth and green and other-worldly. Maybe she can become more of a lake swimmer after all? (Though she'll never compare to the Lovely I's Lake Swimming passion! Why the LI even has special dresses to wear to Lake Anza before she swims. Now that's a True Lake Swimmer!) PP is herself, obviously a pool swimmer, but her first love is the ocean. She so misses plunging into the waves at 17th Street or Moonlight Beach, the salty water rushing past her in frothy delicious abandon.

The lake swim is just the opposite. Nary a movement. It's murky greenness showing her pale white arm in eerie ghostly silhouette.

Lake swimming. It's an alternative to the pool and the ocean. But for PP, it's just that--an alternative. Not a replacement. Oh, if only she could return to the sea at Waikiki!




A last look at the lake. It is beautiful. Maybe next time they'll camp at this lovely overlook. But for now, PP will stick to the cabin. With the cable T.V., passable shower, and 3 queen size beds!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Turd Alert!



Please!

PP did NOT just spy a Turd of Human Feces on the floor next to the toilet at the YMCA?

Of course, her first reaction was disbelief. How the hell could anyone leave a turd on floor next to the toilet? It was beyond her reality. She simply maintained Turd Denial for a few moments.

Then it was, what should she do? Run out and tell the Beautiful Tibetan Woman up at the front counter that there was a Turd on the floor in the Women's Locker room? Yeah, right. PP could just picture BTW wrinkling her pert little nose in horrific distaste before making the call to have someone go clean it up.

Yet, PP didn't do this. Mostly cause she was naked and really had to go to the bathroom, but also cause she didn't want the Y to get shut down by the Health Dept--Hell, turd or no turd, it was her only pool right now.

Plus, her mind started reeling....who could have done such an abdominal action? It wasn't like little kids were running around the women's locker room, wrecking their dastardly turdly havoc. No. The Y, thankfully, had a no kids policy in the women's locker room.

Thus, this left PP to surmise that it had to be someone she knew! Ugh!

The Usual Suspects were out in force today: Hot Tub Mama whining at PP cause she was ignored yesterday when HTM said 'Hi' to her. Hell, PP didn't want to get on her BAD side! Explained how she probably just had her earplugs in and didn't hear Hot Tub Mama's Heartfelt greeting.

Then there was Amazon Tree Woman explaining how to make the perfect moist bundt cake to Diabetes Woman.





Not to mention the usual line-up of crooked swimming Chinese Women in their skirted swim wear. And the usual walking wounded. Shriveled Up Lady with her equally wobbly friend guiding her to the pool in tiny hesitant steps. Bleached Blond Glasses in the Sauna woman, reading her book and striding about in regal nudity.

Hell, PP supposed that anyone of these women could have dropped The Turd, accidentally, of course. Not realizing that it fell just outside the toilet instead of inside.....

Disgusting! PP has to stop with the speculation now before she starts to get too queasy.

What would you have done?
No, don't answer that.

PP is just going to make a Bundt cake and watch 'Beauty and the Geek'.




It's the only answer. At least for now.