Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas Chaos!

“You swim in the water. The rest of us just walk.”

PP nodded at Well-Preserved African American Gent, M’s talkative friend. She was tired and ready for the hot tub; it’s been a helluva week at the Y. The holidays make everything so hard, esp. the pool. Yet, she’s glad to know that her swimming ability still somehow survives the Chaos.

And why so much Chaos at the Y? It’s like everyone in the entire Bay Area swarmed into the YMCA on Christmas Eve. And then to top it off, DL thought that it was a Meter Holiday and got a damn ticket!

“That ain’t no Christmas Card” the smart-ass clerk at the front desk had remarked to DL when she showed her the ticket.
No. It’s not. It’s one hella expensive trip to the gym.

And then the chaos in the locker room! Crowds of women in the hot tub, hanging out on the narrow white bench in their towel turbans, waiting in line for the showers. PP was definitely feelin claustrophobic and overwhelmed.

Not to mention, Bragging I’ll Save You From a Coma Woman had everyone rapt with her story of keeping an elderly Indian Woman from slipping into a Coma while hot tubbing.

“How’d you do that?” PP was naturally curious since it seems like Comas are all the rage at the Y.

“I just knew that I had to keep her Core alive. Her Consciousness There. So I just took bottles of cold water and kept on pouring them over her head and she kept on just waking up before slipping into that darker world. She's had a Hard Life. You could see It in her Eyes.”

PP had nodded, loving the poetry of this line in addition to this vital anti-coma resuscitation information.

You never know when she might need it. Though she hoped she wouldn’t. Not being the resuscitation type and all.

So, now she’s off to the sunny warmer climes of San Diego for the week. She hopes to swim at the Encinitas YMCA and also the Boys and Girls Club Sunshine Pool and maybe even the Claremont Pool and there will be less Chaos than what she's encountered this week in Oakland.

PP is hot on the Pool trail. She may even try to swim at the Super 8 Pool in Santa Clarita.

Now there would be a story!

So, Happy New Year and thank goodness the Christmas Chaos is over.

PP will continue to swim on water.

She’ll leave the walking on water to you know Who!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Rule Breakers

“They know they not suppose to be hanging stuff on there.” Rhinestone Turban Tyrant (What is it about turbans?) wrinkled her nose and sighed and frowned and shifted and all around harrumphed at the large pair of pink rose panties hanging over the wooden bar by the sauna rocks. “They’s rules about that.”

“Don’t you know that the rules are for Other People?” Super Swimmer Woman chuckled. It was a joke after all. Who cares if the panties are hanging out to dry in the sauna? Seemed like a good idea to PP.

“That the problem,” RTT continued, truly miffed. It was no joke to her.

“They say that if we see someone breaking the rules, we’re supposed to call upstairs,” SSW added, “But I don’t like Policing People.”

“Yeah, it’s not relaxing,” PP affirmed, thinking how she wasn’t gonna go around calling up the front desk every time she witnessed a ‘rule’ being broken.

Which reminds her of how Sneaky Oprah booby trapped her studio audience the other day by setting up a ‘snitch situation’ to test them out. Some of the empty chairs in the studio had ‘reserved’ flyers on them, and one of Oprah’s producers came in and looked around and then snatched the flyer off the chair and sat down, trying to take advantage of someone else’s ‘reserved’ seating. Then the women all around the Seat Stealer gave her dirty looks or laughed, or raised their eyebrows, but no one ‘snitched’.

Oprah was appalled by this. But the Guest Psychologist wasn’t surprised. People won’t ‘risk’ their own safety for a ‘moral principle’ unless it directly affects them.

Oprah’s such a Devious Bitch. Like anyone would ‘tell’ on someone that took a reserved seat: PP knows she wouldn’t. Hell, she thought it was empowering to go into Oprah’s Studio Audience and snatch away a Reserved sign and then sit yourself down.

“They know better. They been tol before,” RTT further scolded into the Utopian Air.

“But what’s wrong with hanging their stuff there?” PP asked, broken from her Oprah musings. “I mean, is it gonna catch on fire?”

RTT turned on PP and gave her a look like ‘Are you kidding me?’ but then answered anyway. She was the Authority, “That..... Yes...... Plus, it’s Unsanitary.”

Unsanitary? Now PP really wanted to pursue this idea. How could the drying panties be unsanitary? Were their Panty Koodies wafting on the waves of heat into the Sauna air and infiltrating all the women's opening pores causing all sorts of dirty diseases?

Somehow, this didn’t seem likely, but then, again, what did PP know?

Even so, PP wasn’t gonna ‘snitch’ on Diabetes Woman (for this is who had hung her Panties out to dry). Nor was she gonna risk her Utopian Experience by telling RTT that she was full of shit.

No, not her. She had her own agenda when it came to Utopia. Call her selfish, but unless Oprah's around, PP isn't gonna stick her neck out.

It's just too much risk.

Besides, she's all for breaking the rules. Especially if a Turban Tyrant's involved.

Friday, December 05, 2008

It Stuck

"It stuck."
PP glances down at the murky water where Hot Tub Mama (HTM) is poking around with her large brown toe.
HTM makes a face: it's disgust and exasperation but also one of resignation. What do you expect with the riffraff that frequents the hot tub?

PP can't tell what is 'stuck' exactly, but she doesn’t try to see very hard. After all, HTM’s big bare foot isn’t what she wants to focus on when hot tubbing.
"Band-Aid." HTM nods.

"Oh," PP nods, still unable to see the object she's pointing to. Yet does register a similar disgust--aren't band-aids banned in the pool and hot tub?
"It stuck," HTM repeats.
"I guess it can't squeeze through the cracks of the drain down there," PP offers.
"Ummm...." HTM nods. It's enough to convey that….. what? Who knows? After all, PP is stuck on not being able to see what's stuck so she guesses she’ll just have to take HTM’s word for it that it's a Band-Aid.

Several other women are in the hot tub, babbling away in Chinese. They don't pay attention to the 'stuck' conversation. It’s unimportant, but PP doesn't know what is important since she doesn't speak Chinese. Probably food. Or kids. Or lazy good for nothing husbands. Or the lack of hot water in the showers. Or all of the above.

Probably not stuck band-aids!

Frowning Asian Woman slides down the steps and grins over at PP, a first. This pleases PP. She hadn’t realized she was in FAW’s scope at all.
“Hello,” she nods as she squeezes in between PP and HTM.
“It stuck,” HTM begins again to FAW.
FAW peers curiously down at the pointed place. “Ummm….” she murmurs noncommittally.
“Band-aid," HTM grunts.
FAW’s frown increases, “Band-aid,"she repeats.
“It stuck,” HTM also repeats.

PP tries not to laugh.....

Someone is definitely Stuck.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Thanksgiving at Vichy Springs

Winding down the dark quiet country road to Vichy Springs, PP can barely contain her excitement! At last! Back to her favorite pool in the world (well, so far!). She can't wait to jump in.

And sure it's November. Thanksgiving weekend. The pool will be cooler than it was in June. She knows this and is prepared. She's brought her wet suit and her leggings and her anti-chill resolve.

She will swim in the Splendid Vichy Springs pool no matter what the temperature!

Now, tired but relaxed in post Thanksgiving haze with the family--so much food, so much T.V., not enough swimming (translation--no swimming!), PP is ready to dive in to the pool as she and DHBF tromp up the front steps lined with chubby orange pumpkins to the resort office.

"Hi, we have a reservation," DHBF greets the usual charming young man who helps out with the routine hotel check-in stuff. They chat, PP spaces out, dreaming of the pool and how she's going to dive in the next morning.

"And anything else I can help you with, just let me know. I'm going to be going home early tonight since it's the holiday but you can reach me on my cell--the number's posted on the front door here."
"Great, thanks," DHBF nods and hugs PP's round the waist as she leans into him.
"Before you go, can you tell me the temperature of the pool?" PP manages to ask in spite of her pool reverie.
"The Big Pool?" Charming Young Man is trying not to laugh, or is she being too sensitive & imagining his smirk? Her HSK is always on high alert when it comes to pool temps.
"Yeah, the Big Beautiful Pool!" PP grins.
"58 degrees?" she repeats. Could she have heard this correctly? Can a pool really get this cold? Impossible!
"Yeah, we've had some cold nights. The days have been warmer, but the nights. They've been pretty chilly."

"I guess so," PP nods, still in shock. 58 degrees! What's she gonna do? She was thinking that if the pool were, say, 72 or even 70, she'd just take the COLD plunge, don her wet suit, swim a really fast lap and then run screaming into the hot tub.

But 58 degrees?

Could she do that? Or would she go into swimming core temp shock? Freeze in mid-stroke and then sink like a big ice cube to the bottom of the pool?

"The hot tub is 104 and the champagne baths are 92," he offers unhelpfully as PP continues to stare at him in disbelief.

"See, Honey," DHBF teases, "we'll just have to go in the hot tub and baths this time."

"Yeah, I guess so."

But PP is not going to listen to such sage advice. She's gonna get the wetsuit out and dive into the 58 degrees anyway. Throw her HSK chill factor to the polar bears!

And so she does. The next morning she rises with the warming sun. It must be nearly 70 degrees outside, so this is good. She stands at the edge of the blue blue pool and sighs at its clear inviting calm. Takes a deep breath. Then puts on her wetsuit. Her mask. Her fins. And then....

Are you kidding?

No way was she gonna swim in 58 degree water no matter how delicious it looked.

Appearances are so seductive, esp when it comes to your favorite pool in the world!

But she won't be seduced. She knows where she's headed as she climbs up the gravel path, across the vine covered bridge to the 104 degree hot tub to soak up its soothing embrace.

Mad as Hell!

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!” Remember that line? Remember that movie? Network , right? What was everyone so ma...