Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Roach Utopia?



“What that Nasty mess all over?” Utopia Assessment Woman wrinkled her nose at the white gummy whitish goo layering the cement floor of the sauna.

“They better clean up after theyselves or else….I hate to say this, but I saw a Roach in here the other day!” Roach Sighting Woman shuddered as PP and 82 year old Chinese Gram opened their ears in horror.

“Ummm…I am NOT surprised!” UAW nodded. “I seen these women. They bring their yogurt in here. They slather up in the yogurt and then…” She nodded at the nasty mess. PP thought this must be the Yogurt Aftermath. She had no idea that Roaches liked yogurt, but as she was to learn, they like everything.

“Not only yogurt. Mmmm.... they will even eat the GLUE in between the pages of a book!” RSW asserted, nodding in Roach Expertise.

“Yes, Ma’am. I seen a Document and it say that if there was a nuclear war, if everything on the planet was wiped out except for one thing, you know what that one thing would be?” UAW asked.




“Roaches?” PP ventured, wanting to leave Utopia now, not because of the roaches, but cause she was getting overheated and hungry. But with a roach story in the offing, she couldn’t tear herself away!
“Mmmmmm…” RSW agreed.
“They Prehistoric! They will survive everything and anything!” UEW proclaimed.

"That’s right. And you know. When they dead, they can still have babies?” RSW asked.
“Really?” PP asked in spite of herself. “How’s that?”
“They still have their little pouches and when the exterminators come, and they spray them, if they don’t come and sweep up the dead roaches all those babies will hatch outta the little pouches and you think you got rid of them. But they keep on.”
“That’s why they will outlive all of us!” PP exclaimed, completely grossed out by the little baby pouches. How disgusting.





After the baby pouch story, Chinese Gram got up, waddled out, grunting a muddled goodbye—-did she understand the conversation? PP thought probably not, but you can never tell. PP has always thought that the Chinese women in the locker room are not letting on how much they are getting. Maybe they just like to listen to the stories, too?

“And when I saw this roach the other night,” RSW continued, “I jumped up and screamed.”
”Of course!” PP commiserated. “I’d do the same thing.”
”Thank you! The woman who was in here with me, she didn’t see the roach and so when I screamed and pointed and then she couldn’t see it, she just patted me on the shoulder and said, “That’s OK. That’s okay.” Like I was crazy or something. But you know when I was little and we were visiting Hawaii my mom put me to bed and then all these roaches came out of the dark and were crawling all over my face and my body and I was screaming and screaming till finally my mom came in and turned on the light and they all ran away."


"They don’t like the light." UAW observed.

"No. they don’t."
“How old were you?”PP asked.
“Just a toddler. Maybe 1 or 1 and half.”
“Well, no wonder. I’m sure that you remember that Roach all over your body experience somewhere deep in you psyche and that’s why you have such a visceral reaction to them now."
“You said it!” RSW shuddered again. “I don’t like to do this, but I’m gonna report them to the health department.”
”Yeah, I think you should.” PP agreed. In theory at least. But then she got worried. What would be the ramifications of such a report? Would the Health Dept close Utopia? The Pool? The entire YMCA? This would be horrific! What would she do without Utopia at the very least and the pool at the very most?

Hopefully, RSW wouldn't get around to it. She seemed like more a talker rather than a doer.





“You know if you get a appliance like a refrigerator or a radio or a heater and you get it at like a estate sale or a garage sale or second hand somewheres what you need to do is leave it outside for at least 3 days and spray it good before you bring it in the house cuz those roaches can live inside a appliance for days and if you do spray, like I said before, you gotta make sure you sweep up all the dead ones cuz of those babies. Some places don’t do that." UAW nodded, with a loud mmmm....
“Clark is a good one. They come back and sweep up the dead ones.”
”Clark….” PP nodded. My she certainly was learning a lot about Roaches and their extermination. But again, since they were prehistoric and seemingly invincible unless you got Clark to come out and spray well then…



“It came right out from under where you’s sitting!” RSW pointed to the wooden bench where PP was relaxing, interrupting her Clark Musings. (Past tense. PP was not relaxing anymore, but bending down to look under the bench for the roach.)
"Yes.... Right there” RSW got up and knelt down, with a suitable amount of caution given her childhood Roach Trauma.
Fortunately, no Roach was spied on this afternoon, but PP is wary.

Should she forgo Utopia because of the Roaches? How could they survive in all the heat?



Yet, she can't live without Utopia! Besides, RSW could just be having a unconscious flashback to her childhood trauma surrounding her Roach Face Crawl-Over. So, she could just be having Roach PTSD! And they're really aren't any roaches at all!

So, until PP actually sees a roach herself, she's gonna keep going to Utopia. Cause even if they are there? What's a little roasted Roach gonna matter anyway? It's not like she's had any childhood trauma about roaches.

At least not that she can remember.....