Showing posts from August, 2008

Berkeley Y: Colder, Stranger, Harder!

It is such a tragedy! The week before PP goes on her big adventure to Indiana, (she’s been invited to partake of a writer’s residency at the Mary Anderson Center for the Arts—how cool is that?) the Oakland Y decides that this week before she leaves would be the perfect time to close the pool for the annual cleaning.


Now, PP considered talking to Management about postponing this pool closure till the following week when she’ll be in Indiana and so won’t miss the pool, but then thought, yeah right. Like they’re gonna listen to her. Even though the pool and its schedule should totally revolve around HER Life, she didn’t think the folks at the Oakland Y would really be amenable to this.


She has the option to go to the Berkeley Y during this week and today she did just that.

It was so weird!

First off, this isn’t the first time she’s been to the Berkeley Y—-she used to visit with her Ex, the illustrious Owen Hill, as a guest when it rained at Mills and he was a member. This was so man…

Sarah Barracuda: Wolf Killer!

“Did you hear Obama’s speech?” Grey Panty Only Woman asks. (Were they Street Panties? Or Sauna Panties? Or Hot Tub Panties? PP wonders for a moment as she sinks into the soothing bubbles of the hot tub after a satisfying but tiring Friday evening swim) GPOW has been eyeing PP for a few moments. Shy. PP hadn’t expected a political query. Only something mundane like ‘how’re ya doin’?

This is so much better. Esp. since PP had not only seen his speech, she’d taped it. Well actually she’d seen it because she taped it. She’d been at work when he’d given the speech live. Did GPOW need to know all of this? Who cares! PP is enthusiastic, raving about how Obama had rocked the stadium.

GPOW nods, serious. “I heard it was good. I’m so sorry I missed it…” Her voice trails off. She really is sad. PP gets this. In Oakland, Obama’s nomination is bigger than the Raiders at the super bowl (she’s paraphrasing Jon Carroll here) But it’s true. Barack Obama is a huge big deal and just an amazing phenomenon…

Street Panties

“That remind me of goin on a cruise!” Golden Toweled Woman chuckled to herself as she plopped down on one of the wooden stools across from the hot tub, pointing to the large white lifesaver ring newly hung on the wall. “For Emergency Use Only” was written in black felt tip marker round it, on all sides. Top. Bottom. Middle.

PP had noticed it last time she’d been in the hot tub, and had thought it was kinda weird. Who was gonna drown in 3 feet of water in an 8 X 8 foot tub?

But hey, maybe a cruise is what it was all about, so PP nods in agreement as she glanced up at it.

“It sure is a good thing they put that up though seriously,” GTW asserted, the chuckle subsiding, but still echoing in PP’s imagination.
“Yeah. I seen a woman. She got took away by a ambulance. She was a new member. And they told her she was stayin in there too long, but she don’t listen. She was in there 30 or 40 minutes every day. So one day she just passed out and they took her away in the ambulance.”
PP want…


”You have a real affinity for Trees, don’t you?” PP asked, as she rose to exit Utopia.

Amazon Tree Woman beamed, nodding in serious agreement.

PP continued, “I remember your story about how when you were a girl you sat under a tall tall tree and that’s how you got your long long legs!” PP grinned as ATW’s eyes opened in wide amazement.
“You remember That story?”
”I remember all the Stories!” PP exclaimed. Little did ATW realize!
“That’s amazing,” she smiled, her eyes shining, as she sat up briefly, adjusting her towel.
“And this last story you just told me is so wonderful,” PP continued. “Trees have that mythical quality to them, don’t they?”
“Yes, they certainly do. You are absolutely right,” she murmured, carrying PP back to the story she’d just told about her grandfather:

“We lived on Long Island, and Girl, it Snows there!” ATW laughed as PP nodded, eager for another story from her.
“Snow?” PP shook her head. “I remember visiting Long Island once, a long time ago, and it snowed. I was so …

A Most Popular Olympic Event

"Why you laughing at me?" Pumping Breast Woman continued to pump, her breasts doing their wildly exciting maneuvers. PP had made the fatal error of glancing over at DL when the pumping first commenced. DL had given her one of those wide-eyed grinning looks of delighted incredulity.

PP had started to crack up. She couldn't help it.

But now. Oh dear! Had she hurt PBW's feelings or offended her? Would her laughing transgression prevent PBW from practicing her pumping?

Woe oh woe this would be.

PP had to find a way to soothe.

"I didn't mean to laugh. I just am still amazed at your abilities to....."
DL chimed in. "You are really very good at THAT!"

Eyeing them both, BPW broke into a dazzling smile. "It should be a new event in the Olympics!"

They all laughed. What a wonderful idea! Breast Pumping Gyrations as an Olympic event! How would it be scored? By the number and speed and endurance of the participants? Would it then be multiplied by th…

Enough Already!

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve had just about enough of the screaming image of Michael Phelps!”

The Lovely I shakes her lovely head in lovely disgust. And PP has to agree. Isn’t there another more pleasant image to partake of at these Olympics? (See previous blog for an example!)

And besides, there is ZERO soap opera potential with Screaming Michael Phelps. 8 Gold Medals? No soap opera there. Up close and personal (remember it’s not called that anymore, but PP can’t get away from her childhood Olympic Memories) MP is BORING!!! All he does is EAT (I try to put away 8-10,000 calories a day. GROSS me Out!) Sleep. Close up of MP in bed snoring, or what one would think is his snoring, but no, it’s his gross little snoring bulldog puppy in bed with him. YUCKY! PP can’t shake one childhood memory and that’s of the Kimmick’s Bulldog, Bruiser, aggressively sniffing her 11-year-old crotch every time she went to visit.

Too bad there wasn’t a pool for her to dive into to wash the disgusting dog…

The French Soap Operas at the Water Cube! Ooohhh La La!!!

How much does PP love the swimming at the Olympics? You all know the answer to that one. She is completely and totally obsessed! Were that she could have gone to the Beijing Olympics and sat rapt in the stands of the Water Cube (how much do you love that name?), but she’ll have to settle for NBC’s coverage of the sport every evening.

Without which, she never woulda known the story of Laure Manaudou. The sexy French swimmer with an enthralling love triangle to boot. (Or should she say, ‘to fin’)

Poor Laure. She is so beautiful but her story is so tragic. First she falls in love with some Italian swimmer cad, his name might be Mario or some other typical Italian appellation. He is so cute. He is so Italian. He wants her to come to Italy. She says oui oui I love you my Cherie and so she does. But then the Italian swim team coach won’t let her practice in Italy, she must take off her clothes and have her nude pictures on the Internet in order to maintain her celebrity. No this isn’t reall…

Lil' Kitty Joke

“How’s the Red Devil?” PP grins as she watches Fish Woman submerge thankfully into the Hot Tub, her big brown breasts floating beneath the bubbly surface, her sigh
heartfelt and long.

She stares at PP for a moment, completely uncomprehending. Oh dear, PP thinks to herself, did she get the wrong woman? Is it someone else who’d told her about Big Red and this woman now thought she was crazy asking her about the Red Devil, cause, Hell, 'How's the Red Devil?' is a weird question to ask a stranger out of the blue in the Hot Tub at the YMCA at 9:35 on a Wed. eve.

“You trippin me out….” Red Devil Possibly Woman announces, glancing over at DL for confirmation. DL has a virus and is completed spacey and smiley. So PP isn’t sure if she’ll be any help in this situation. Yet PP perseveres. She’s in it now. If she’s got the wrong woman, well, that’s the way it goes. Red Devils might be in her world anyway since she mentioned how she was ‘trippin’ out,’ a phrase that later DL laughs abou…

Horizontal Ambition

PP has always had the seemingly unrealistic fantasy of moving to Hawaii for obvious swimming and temperature reasons. Where else could she swim in the ocean to her heart’s content 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, with no worries for freezing cold waters or air temp that dips below 72 degrees?

Plus, all the public pools are FREE!!!!

Is this her version of paradise or what?

So, when her colleague at WWU sent her the job announcement for Director of the Writing Center and U of HI, Hilo, well…

She had a moment of intense wonderment and anticipation. Could IT really happen? Could her dream of living and working in Paradise, the place where she feels most at home in the world, really happen?

But then, reality set in. It was a REAL job. With a REAL application process. And then if she were hired, well, she’d have REAL Responsibilities.


PP doesn’t really want to work. This has been established over and over again. All she wants to do is swim and write and play piano.

So, she’s torn. To apply or…