Monday, May 05, 2008

A COMA FOR 33 DAYS




“That sure is a real pretty suit!”
Stepping gingerly into the hot water from the side instead of the stairs since Suit Complement Woman blocks these, PP beams at the blue suited floating woman taking up almost the entire hot tub, “Thanks,” PP nods, glancing down at the bright pink designs on her suit. “I like it too!”
“I had this one for 25 years!” SCW boasts, grinning in buoyant satisfaction.
“25 years? Wow! I’ve never heard of a suit lasting that long,” PP exclaims, noting how from the looks of her ample figure, SCW probably hasn’t done much swimming in the last 25 years.
“Yup. Got it back in…..” SCW pauses, gazing up at the dripping ceiling in concentration for a moment. “…..1986…..and now it’s 2008?” She chuckles. “Well, almost 25 years!”
“That is amazing,” PP laughs. “I’ve had this one for a year and I can’t believe it. I usually go through a new one every 3 or 4 months.”
“Mmmm….”
“But this one has more …. ?”
”Spandex?” SCW offers.
“No…. I mean, yeah it has spandex or Lycra or whatever, but it has more….oh what’s it called?” PP racked her steamed brain. What the hell was that fabric called that swimsuits are made of sometimes that lasts longer? Damn. She knows it but….. “Polyester!” she exclaims, triumphant over her slow brain fabric recall.

“Mmmm….this one’s all made outta Polyester,” SCW nods, pointing to her shoulder straps held up with a multiple safety pins. Neither woman mentions this lack of seamstress aspect about the suit.



PP sinks down into the tub, letting the bubbles soothe her aching neck. It’s really bugging her today. But the heat always helps.

“I been in a Coma for 33 days!” SCW announces, floating into the middle of the tub.
PP gapes in astonishment. A Coma for 33 days? Hell, what’s she complaining about with her stupid sore neck?
“33 days?” is all PP can come up with as a response. What the hell do you say to a complete stranger who divulges such information in the Hot Tub? Congratulations for waking up?
“Yup, 33 days. Actually my hospital stay was 62 days, but I was only in the Coma for 33 days. Got me a tracheotomy too.”
PP, of course, had been trying not to stare at the over sized band-aid on her throat, but obviously she hadn’t been too discreet. Or else, it was just Hot Tub Ailment Confession Time and she was the only one in the audience.


Not wanting to ask about the tracheotomy, PP did ask about the Coma. This was more intriguing. She’d never actually met anyone who’d been in a Coma. Of course, they were always going in and out of Comas on Soap Operas. Kendall had been in one when JR had mistaken her for his slutty wife Babe and knocked the loaded shelves of Fusion Remolding material on her head. And Mike on Desperate Housewives had been in a Coma when Orson had run him over in a drunken meltdown till Eddie woke him up with a hand job.




Comas were de rigour in Soaps, but in Real Life?

Hell, this was an opportunity!

“What caused the Coma?” PP has to ask.
“Respiratory Failure. That brought on by Stress. My husband died on January 7 and then I buried him on Jan 19 cause I hadda wait for his brother to come up from Brazil and so it was all too much stress on me.”

PP nods sympathetically. Damn. What Real Life people that come to the YMCA go through! It was astounding! Of course, the Respiratory Failure probably explained the Tracheotomy, but PP wasn’t gonna ask about this. She wanted to ask if she remembered anything while she was in a Coma, but maybe this was pushing it.
“When I woke up, it seem like I had been in the hospital for only a day. So when they told me 33 days imagine!”

Really, PP couldn’t. When Kendall was in her Coma she had lots of fantastic Kendall monologues to herself about how Zack had to postpone the C Section to save her unborn child, Spike, but of course, this was simply for Dramatic purposes and probably such inner thoughts don’t really happen in real Comas.

Or do they?

Should PP ask Coma Woman if she remembered thinking about anything while she was in a coma?




A pudgy cell phoned distracted care taker ambled over to the tub, giving PP a sweet grin, before informing Coma Woman that they had to leave by 3 for their next appointment.

“Ooohweee. I had no idea it was so late!” Coma Woman chuckled as she tried to heave her bulk out of the tub. Care Taker Woman reached to help her up the stairs, before crooking her arm into CW’s and slowly directing her towards the pool.

“See ya in the Pool!” PP called after them.
“That you will. That you will. But only for a few minutes. I had no idea it was so late!” CW repeated.

Shaking her head, PP began to stuff her hair into her cap. Imagine. Being in a Coma for 33 days and then the first thing you do is come swimming at the YMCA!

Of course, this wasn’t what Kendall did.

But if PP were ever in a Coma and then woke up, hell you know what she’d do!

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