Wrong Pool Situation Etiquette Quiz

The following quiz was initially inspired by Kevin Alexander’s blog about How to Write a Literary Masterpiece—check it out:(http://www.writersdigest.com/writerslife/)

Also, since PP has been an English Teacher for the last 2 decades, she has plenty of practice creating grammar quizzes for various ESL situations.

Quiz Instructions:
1) Choose the answer that is the best given your own moral and ethical pool behaviors.
2) Choose only ONE answer even if more than one applies.
3) Write your name at the top of your quiz and be sure to include your pool ID
4) Failure to score at least 70% will result in suspension of pool privileges for eternity.

The pool is complete pandemonium and everything upon first glance is completely wrong. Every lane is brimming with swimmers; circle swimming is supposedly what’s going on. Oh, and the water is stupidly cold since the pool has been closed due to “mechanical and electrical malfunctions”; PP just hopes she doesn’t get electrocuted in the lane lines’ machinery.

1) You enter the YMCA’s pool situation and are confronted with the pandemonium described above. What should you do?

a. Slump down against the back deck wall and cry big alligator tears
b. March over to the lifeguard and demand she clear the pool out for you. After all, you are the pool princess (or prince)
c. Stand stupidly dumbfounded in a spaced-out daze for 10 minutes in complete confusion
d. All of the above

2) You select a lane that has only one whale-like swimmer hogging the entire lane. What should you do?

a. Grab a kickboard and when he comes to the wall bop him on the head to get his attention.
b. Call out politely to him to signal that you want to share his lane and shake your head in futility when he continues to swim on in oblivion
c. Jump in the lane with your big fast fins on and run him over
d. All of the above

3) You stick your big toe in the water and are greeted with a frigid temperature that is definitely NOT the 82 degrees that you were quoted over the phone two hours prior. What should you do?

a) Scream bloody murder
b) March over to the lifeguard and complain bitterly to her shrugging nonchalant boring do nothing face

c) Chat with the cute girl in the lane next to yours who agrees that the water is really only in the high 70’s, but once you get swimming it’ll be okay.
d) When the cute girl dives in the water and seems unfazed by the chill, curse her cuteness and her youth

4) All the lanes have at least 2 swimmers, some already contain 3 circling. You decide to ask one of the 2 swimmer lanes to circle swim, but both swimmers ignore your deck lingering appeal. What should you do?

a) Jump in anyway, making sure that you stop in the middle of the lane to block their progress and really piss them off
b) Grab a kickboard and do some serious sequential head bopping
c) March over to the lifeguard and slap her
d) All of the above

5) You’ve finally completed your swim and feel completely frustrated and cold. You want to complain to someone about your pandemonium wrong swimming experience, but no one cares. What should you do?

a) Heave yourself out of the water, shrug good naturedly, and hope the cute, youthful, non-cold girl is in the hot tub
b) Stand at the side of the pool, glaring and shivering at every swimmer that passes you or tries to climb into your lane
c) March over to the lifeguard and___________.
d) Fantasize about a hot sauna full of beautiful bosomy women who welcome you into their world with open arms and nods of commiseration

e) Never go back to the YMCA again. Well, at least not on a Sunday afternoon when the weather outside is wet and dreary and the Academy Awards are looming so everyone has to swim to accommodate these wrong situations!

Stay tuned for the answers. Or make up your own. It really doesn’t matter since PP went to UCSC and she was just kidding about percentages and passing grades and such.


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