Showing posts from February, 2008

You Can’t Give Up Everything!

“I have the Diabetes. It is in my knee….”

PP watches as Gregarious Utopian Woman examines her bent knee in the sauna, a worried frown on her lovely brown face under the plastic bagged head covering. “My friend. She go to Kaiser. They take the blood. Then Poof! She no more! I no go to Kaiser for my diabetes. They take the blood. I may not be. I take care of me. I ride the bike. I do the walking machine. I swim a little bit….”

GUW giggles shyly at PP and her friend, DL who are nodding in serious empathetic agreement. “I like your swimming,” she nods toward PP. “You are very fast.”

PP nods and explains how she uses the big long fins to speed down the lanes, while at the same time, still trying to absorb the fact that GUW isn’t getting any medical treatment for her diabetes. It’s highly worrisome. Though PP does understand her aversion and distrust of Kaiser. Lord knows, they’re not the best medical care. But aren’t they better than nothing? Isn’t untreated diabetes pretty serious? Peo…

Wrong Pool Situation Etiquette Quiz

The following quiz was initially inspired by Kevin Alexander’s blog about How to Write a Literary Masterpiece—check it out:(

Also, since PP has been an English Teacher for the last 2 decades, she has plenty of practice creating grammar quizzes for various ESL situations.

Quiz Instructions:
1) Choose the answer that is the best given your own moral and ethical pool behaviors.
2) Choose only ONE answer even if more than one applies.
3) Write your name at the top of your quiz and be sure to include your pool ID
4) Failure to score at least 70% will result in suspension of pool privileges for eternity.

The pool is complete pandemonium and everything upon first glance is completely wrong. Every lane is brimming with swimmers; circle swimming is supposedly what’s going on. Oh, and the water is stupidly cold since the pool has been closed due to “mechanical and electrical malfunctions”; PP just hopes she doesn’t get electrocuted in the lane lin…

A Pox on the Orange Woman

Swimmers Beware! There is an Odious Orange Woman terrorizing innocent swimmers at the Fairfax Canyon Club Swimming Pool! The following chronicles one swimmer’s trauma: a dear friend of PP’s who’s just trying to get a swim in for chrissakes! PP will try to capture KS’s voice here as it is HER story, but one too good (and important) to not put on Pool Puss Purrs!

“Maybe this has happened to you, Carol. I mean, you swim all the time and I’m sure it’s a common occurrence but I hafta tell you, I was really traumatized (PP’s interpretation) and haven’t been swimming since.”
“OHMYGOD! Tell me! What the hell happened?”
“Well, I just wanted to get a swim in and I only had 45 minutes. Usually I give myself more time, but this day, I had other places I had to be, the kids to pick up, dinner to shop for and make, you know the drill. So I only had this little window of opportunity for a swim. And I get to the pool….”
“What’s the name of the pool? I wanna be sure to get it right for my blog.”
”You’re go…

Truly an Inspiration

“I’ve lost 50 lbs since August!”
“That’s amazing,” PP murmurs, truly astonished. This is like what? Almost half her body weight!
Less 50 lb Woman exhales deeply in the hot tub as her friend, who’d been talking about her Hip Replacement up till this announcement, sat across the tub, shaking her head. “You are truly an Inspiration!”
“Yeah, well, I blew it the other day. My friend and I were driving through Vacaville to see a client and she wanted to stop at a what’s it called? Oh yeah… Foster’s Freeze…. that’s what it’s called.”
”Yum. Ice cream!” PP sighs happily, envisioning those swirled chocolate and vanilla soft cones.
“Yeah, well, if I had just had one of those, I mighta been better off, but no, I had to go for the fried chicken nuggets. I only had 3 or 4 and they were pretty small, but still…..I definitely fell off the wagon on that one.”
“Hell, you’ve been so good for so long,” Hip Replacement Woman encourages, shaking her head. “You deserve a break once in awhile.”
“Yeah, you’re prob…

Colette's Pool Fantasy

Did Colette like pools? PP wonders since she wants to be Colette. She has everything else going for her. Cats. Sex. Country estates with lots of fragrant flora. A fine literary career.

Hell, she must have had a pool, too. But PP can’t find any evidence of this. Maybe they didn’t have a pool in Casamene. Yet, doesn’t it seem like Colette would like to swim? It’s such a sexy activity. Full of water and movement. PP can picture her lounging about at poolside, sipping a chilled glass of champagne while watching the young girls frolic in the turquisey water. Giggling and splashing each other as Colette gazes at them in lazy lust, penning a story about saucy felines and wayward maidens.

Damn. Why can’t PP be Colette? It would be so much better than being a goddamn Bay Area Bohemian relegated to teaching, commuting and griping, living underneath noisy grad students and surrounded by mountains of cat litter, with no pool in sight.

But yet, maybe Colette wasn’t a swimmer. Maybe she was afraid o…


Just got news that PP’s former boss at FFU lost her sister. No details yet on what happened. Just know that it was a terrible tragedy via email. And PP can’t imagine. What would it be like to lose one of her sisters? She would die too.

Swimming. PP and her sisters share this passion. In the beginning, PP more so, but all three girls loved swimming in the pool in Hacienda Heights. Playing Mr. Banana Buddy with Daddy. Dead bug when it was too smoggy to move. PP remembers the high excitement of watching the pool fill up with the garden hoses, the three girls leaning over the sides of the brand new pool, dipping their hands in and shrieking at the cold water. Brimming with excitement over their very own backyard pool!

PP would spend hours swimming back and forth and back and forth in the perfect little pool. 100. 200 laps at a time. (It was a lovely rectangular pool, but not 25 yards like a regular public pool. PP doesn’t know how long it was. Maybe half that? But in any case, it worked. P…

26 Hours in the Claremont Pool

“How do you spell your last name?”
JB sighs. Spells her name out slowly, just a little edge to her tone. “Brancusi. B-R-A-N-C-U-S-I.”
Young, flustered lifeguard shuffles nervously through the 3X5 recipe box again. His tan pimpled face heavy in concentration. “Maybe you used the card up?” he asks hopefully.
“No.” JB’s losing patience now. Here she’s offered to treat PP and DHBF to a swim at her steam is rising offa the water Claremont Pool and the stupid moron lifeguard can’t find her friggin membership card.


“It’s a very new card,” she hisses evenly. “….only 2 or three uses on it.” Another lifeguard heads into the dreary cement room, starts to help out. “He knows me.” She points at the 2nd guard. “Brancusi!”
PP grins. Loves JB’s no nonsense way about her. Has loved it since she was 13. (Yes they were 13 when they met back in Irvine at Tustin Jr. HS. That’s a long time to know someone. And a long time to love someone’s way. More than 35 years—yes, PP’s 50th is imminent. But she’s…

Boys and Girls Club Pool aka The Sunshine Pool

Okay, PP has a most excellent past story about this pool. Yes, it's funny. Yes, it's silly.

And yes, it's SEXY! (at least in her water soaked fantasy brain)

So, when she returns from the land of sunshine and pools (otherwise known as San Diego), maybe she'll write this story, or maybe she'll have a new story about the Sunshine Pool or the Encinitas YMCA (Magdalene Ecke Family YMCA--Pool of Beautiful Fishes) or the super warm 84 degree Claremont pool....

Personally, she likes the SEXY story about Joe at the Boys and Girls Club...oh, but now she's giving too much away!